The gift of this Tuesday

Wednesday morning 3:35 am. I’ve been awake for hours and not tired, but burdened. Swirling doubt, sadness, inner turmoil, relational stress, and turbulent waters. I went downstairs to toss and turn on the couch and to be alone to pray. “Father, meet me here and show me the way!” I prayed. I watched Asbury’s 24/7 Revival again. Then I decided to watch the last episode of season 3 in The Chosen. This is one of the most moving episodes I’ve seen yet! “Jesus, don’t let me go!” Help me keep my eyes on You! Amen and hallelujah!

Thursday I spent time reading from Scripture (Mark 14-16), was on a video call with a friend in France, ran a bunch of errands, talked to my son in Mexico, visited one of my BFFs who is potty training her 2 year old, helped John work on the WonderVan, listened to a riveting Jordan Peterson 3 part video series on marriage and posted/sold more things on eBay. 

Friday was relatively normal for me. It was great to take long time friend, Jessica, to my bench at the end of a brisk hike at Patricia Allyn Park. 

Helped out my hubby again with a few more errands and continued working on our WonderVan. Here is the entire subfloor with the tubing for our in-floor heating installed. Next task…Wall insulation!

Friday evening I spent a few hours listening to teachings explaining End Times. It’s interesting to me that this week, two separate people in my life whom I care about deeply, asked me to explain what the Bible teaches about the end of times because they are experiencing their own spiritual revival. Seems God is mightily at work and I’m forever grateful to be used however He wants. I’ve actually learned more than I thought in my study of it! Fascinating what the Bible says about The End. I know it’s incumbent upon me to share how thankful I am to have been exposed to the gift of Jesus and to continue learning about Him, seeking and pressing in to know Him more…and to encourage everyone to please take the time to do the same. 

Saturday was such a fun day with John. We started and finished the day working at his shop doing projects for our dream life that’s soon to be a reality, Lord willing. I got to select different wood species that will be laser cut into a map of the United States to make a table for the WonderVan.

 John started to build a frame for where we will store our camp firewood once we sell the house and we are back in Ohio starting in our woods living in the WonderVan.

Then in the afternoon we went to an ice rink and John got to take a special young lady on a sled hockey ride as its maiden voyage before he donated it to the rink for future skaters!

After we had a date watching a new movie called Jesus Revolution! So so good! Go see it if you can! 

We returned back to the shop for more artsy fun creativity which is always enjoyable. I worked and listened to Keith Green radio and was transported to when I first got saved in 1984 and had an 8 track tape of his music I listened to over and over. My favorite songs of His are “Oh Lord, You’re Beautiful” and “The Lord Is My Shepherd”

Sunday after church I hiked with LillyMae and we saw signs of Spring with leaves and early spring flowers. 

Then Sunday after the hike I had both mental and physical labor kind of fun. I moved rock and gravel for a couple hours down by our creek then started creating our kitchen table for the WonderVan. 

Monday morning I was not very awake either from moving gravel for two hours yesterday or from waking up multiple times in the night to pray. A woman I recently met who has metastatic breast cancer, similar to mine, was going in for spinal surgery this morning to have a rod placed in her vertebrae. The reality of how this disease can unravel one’s life was staring me in the face once again, yet I stand in awe of God, who has shown me such amazing grace, and given me the miracle of being able to do physical activity for one more day! I am beyond blessed and humbled to be doing as well as I am, despite physical aches and pains that come along with taking these drugs. 

AND it’s Tuesday once again! The day started too early at 4:30 am! My Chinese son, Alex called me at 5:30 a.m. and we talked about getting together soon. He holds such a special place on my heart!

Then, John and I headed up to Columbus, Ohio, for my infusion, which went wonderfully. Can I say enough how much I thank God for my oncologist, Dr Sudheendra!

Afterwards I got to spend a little time with my new friend, Lauren, who just had spinal surgery yesterday due to metastasized breast cancer in her spine. I am keenly aware of the fact that I am very much a recipient of a miracle right now and that although I also have it in my spine, I can do the physical activities that I do. However, I am spending the evening on a heating pad tonight because my lower back has been quite achy for a while now, and seems to be getting a little worse. 

Then tonight one of my dearest friends Liz and I hiked prayed and watched the beauty of the sunset together. I’m so blessed with such gifts as these and so thankful that I’m still here getting to enjoy each day including today.

 

Finally a special shout-out to my dear son-in-law, Connor, whose birthday it is and I’ll get to celebrate his 32 years in person with him soon. He’s such a gift to our family and one loving and attentive husband and new daddy. 

Friends, Beauty, Fun, Revival

Breakfast with this lady this week was and always is sacred and special. I’m so blessed to have deep friendships with women from ages 13-70s. Michaelah and I love meeting at Northstar Café monthly.

 

It’s been over a week since my last infusion and today I had to email Dr Sudheendra to update her on my physical side effects. Thankful they don’t keep me from living my life. 

Wednesday I continued raking for hours and picking up branches to burn the brush we cleared on our property. And I literally moved gravel by hand onto our new driveway in the woods we built for the WonderVan. Some of these 2” rocks were displaced from the path by the massive dump truck that delivered it! I had the joy of moving them one by one!

This is what I relayed to the oncologist Thursday so she’s aware of what’s happening in my body since my most recent infusion. 

“Dr. Sudheendra, I wanted to update you since my last infusion. Skin inside nose was mostly healed since last time but started cracking a bit again. Using Aquaphor. Neuropathy in hands with tingling in finger tips and more hand weakness/fatigue and achiness. I have more difficulty opening jars or even opening a pull tab on can of soda water. It’s too achy to even hold a large jar. Feet fatigue especially when getting up after sitting or lying down but feels better after a minute or so. That’s all been consistent for months but hand weakness and fatigue seems a bit worse. Tonight I started getting Charlie horses and cramping in feet and different leg muscles. I’ll really focus on more hydration and let you know if it doesn’t improve.”

Thursday and Friday John and I went on a fun adventure trip with our friend, Trace, to Ray’s indoor mountain biking park near Cleveland, then on Friday after breakfast we all went hiking in Cuyahoga National Park where we saw waterfalls and incredible rock formations. 

It was perfect weather outside on Friday for some nighttime winter fun with light snow falling and so… we did something kinda crazy. We went tobogganing on a 700 foot drop ice chute going 40.1-42.6 mph!! Because very few people were in line, we got in lots of runs!. The hardest part was climbing the 107 stairs every trip to the top, but we made 16 runs which is pretty stellar for 3 old fogies! Yes, that’s 1712 steps in a matter of 3 hours! I wanted to keep going just one more run but we decided to stop before one of us dropped from cardiac arrest!

Once we arrived back home I literally rested for a couple days and didn’t do much but let my body recover. 

I have been full of thanksgiving for the priceless opportunity to get front row seats to a dear friend’s spiritual journey with Christ as she’s gone from desperate hopelessness to faith and hope placed in Jesus! Her enthusiasm for spending time in the Word, journaling and prayer is inspiring to me! She shared that she would like to study more about Christ’s return so I’ve been reviewing several resources to share. One such resource is: Behold Israel by Amir Tsafati, which I’ve only seen one or two videos but he certainly sheds light on the position of Israel’s Messianic Jews clearly. Another is an article by Billy Graham. Lastly I’m going to look into a book written by an acquaintance of mine from Voice of the Martyrs, David Brackemyre. I really appreciate this quote from the book:

It (The Lord’s Return) is the sole foundation on which every thought and action is built, since it is everyone’s exclusive hope. 

Real life confession… Monday night I woke up in the middle of the night realizing how much a Netflix series I started watching was negatively affecting my thought life. At first I really liked the shows because they had such positive outcomes despite difficult situations, but the more episodes I watched, the more awful and dark it became and I hit a level of intolerance for the outward display of the increasing ungodly and sinful lifestyles. I prayed about it and God reminded me that hundreds of Christian’s are spending their days and nights experiencing a 24/7 spiritual revival that started at Asbury University in Kentucky where my daughter attended for almost 2 years. In fact this is THE sermon that sparked it.  I could choose to fill my free time in prayer and worship instead of entertainment that pretty much is in opposition to the life Jesus calls me to live. So I’ve decided to stop watching the New Amsterdam series and focus instead on more glorifying activities with my time. It was a bit challenging because I was intrigued by some of the storylines but the bombardment of the ungodliness affected me in a way I didn’t like so I’m unplugged from it and it feels honoring to God. Thankful that God’s Spirit can work in me to sharpen and guide me despite my humanness to be weak. 

And here I am on this Tuesday again where I say in my head as I talk to God:

I’m thankful to be alive!

I’m thankful I can eat, drink, walk, play and live life!

I’m thankful my side effects are manageable. 

I’m thankful I can dream about life this year in the WonderVan. 

I’m thankful God is providing for me medically. 

I’m thankful I can afford healthy food. 

I’m thankful for loving family and friends. 

I’m thankful for today and right now, because that’s all I’ve got!

And mostly, I’m thankful for Jesus. Without Him, I’m nothing and have no hope. 

Hallelujah!

Florida joy

Last Tuesday afternoon I had my infusion so on Wednesday morning 3:00 am, I started my blog for the week.

It went swimmingly. No pain. No discomfort. No weird feeling during or afterwards. At least not directly…however, for several weeks now I’ve had very stiff feelings in my hands all day and they tingle a lot on my finger tips, plus opening caps and lids is more difficult. When I have been sitting or lying down a long time my feet still ache and my ankle muscles, along with other joints, are tight. But I praise God that it seems to mostly go away once I get moving! I do wonder if this is a side effect of the infusion medications or if it’s because of cancer. Don’t know and kinda don’t want to know. I realize how much easier this is if I imagine it’s from the medications. Mentally all this cancer talk really can weigh on me if it’s not managed well. I must keep a genuine mindset of gratitude and see the miracles. I must believe I’m going to live a long time or fear wins. I must hope for my future life and imagine it happening or I’m not helping myself or my loved ones cope with the diagnosis. I don’t want to feel pity or sorry for myself and I don’t, but it’s never far away, especially if my mind wanders there or if I physically feel pain or breathing issues. That’s when I must really manage my thoughts and take them captive to Truth. 

Today…I am alive. 

Today…I can breathe without extra oxygen. 

Today…My physical discomforts are very minor. 

Today…I can travel to see my friends and family. 

Today…I can hike and bike. 

Today…I can live my life with so much joy!

Today...I have a healthy mindset. 

Today…My body has miraculously healed on many levels. 

Today…I want to be used by God however He sees fit for His Kingdom. 

Today…I choose gratitude and love. 

Not a bad start for my day today. 

The rest of my week was spent thoroughly enjoying one of my miracles, my granddaughter!!

I got to hold and snuggle her sweet little self for the past 5 days. My daughter, granddaughter and I went on morning walks, saw the ocean, and had lots of girl time together. Sarah and I even had a mom daughter night out.

I can’t think of much that’s more soulful and healing than holding a baby especially one that’s really cozy and cuddly!

Today is Tuesday, February 14, 2023. It was 11 years ago today that I proposed to my husband and he said, “Yes!” I’m so thankful we are still saying “yes” and still able to go out on Valentine’s Day dates! Just another miracle that I do not take for granted.

I’m also, profoundly thankful for a couple new friends that God appointed into my days this week. Lisa sat next to me on my flight to Florida and Lauren is someone who is fighting the good fight like me and I’m praying for her healing now too. 

I must end with my favorite song Gratitude and hope you enjoy listening to it.

I’m so thankful to be alive today!

This week’s activity has been mostly doing just 2 things the majority of my days…🥾 Hiking and collecting brush, branches and trees that we had cut down along the lane going to John’s shop in order to burn it. I’ve been loving being a pyro!! The fires 🔥 have been big and beautiful and the physical exercise has been wonderful yet exhausting!!

John’s working diligently on the WonderVan and will until we are ready to move into it this upcoming Spring and I’m so thankful he knows or is learning what to do. I feel like I’ll be living in the most lovely camper van ever built!! Between electrical and plumbing my head spins to know all the details he has to figure out so I just stick to the fun stuff and let him worry about the rest. 

Spiritually I had a glorious moment on Saturday. LillyMae and I were hiking then stopped at my bench to sit a while. It was so special to have sun pouring through the pine tree branches and birds were chirping. One of my favorite sounds was happening all around where the wind was blowing through the tall pine trees. That ethereal sound is reminiscent of Quetico where we go Wilderness camping. And to top it off we rubbed small branches of evergreen on the bench and smelled the intoxicating scent of fresh pine!! All my senses were stimulated except taste and with the crisp chill in the air we literally sat in awe of the Presence of God all around us that was undeniable to someone who has eyes to see and ears to hear!! We shared our Life Verses with each other and literally talked out loud thanking God for such a special moment!

On Sunday I had a moment at church when for the first time since my second diagnosis my church sang Gratitude by Brandon Lake. I literally had to excuse myself and stand in the dark back corner while listening as the tears flowed down my face as I worshipped my great God and was filled with the sense of profound gratitude for my miracle of breath in my lungs!  

Later that day I helped my son finish preparing his house in order to rent it because he’s moving to Mexico on Monday!! Such a huge life change for him!! 

And I just heard from him!! He made it safely to Mexico to start a new life! Dream come true!! Please pray for his future to be centered on following God’s plan for him! I love his sense of adventure!

Monday I also spent the day with a dear friend, Patti!!! She was my boss for 3 years until Cvid changed the field of dental hygiene coaching. Now we get to just hang out as friends and talk about life, share a meal together and have slumber parties! I can say that it’s friends like her that remind me of God’s continued plan of using me in others lives. Thanks for always having meaningful conversations that are centered on Jesus and our journeys together on this planet, Patti! Thanks for sharing puppy kisses too!! We had a chance to watch the next episode of The Chosen! I love how much that new series helps me imagine and be so drawn to Jesus like no film ever has! I’d encourage everyone to take the time and binge watch that series more than anything! It’s found on the app The Chosen so feel free to download it. We also talked about my favorite book that explains Christianity written by John Cross. He was a missionary I knew many decades ago who wrote a book detailing my faith start to finish. There are several versions depending on the audience’s background and one can even download a few of the books for free on pdf format through the Goodseed website. I’ve mentioned it before but if you, my reader, never read it, I’d strongly suggest it. 

Finally today, Tuesday, arrived and it was yet another successful infusion day up in Columbus, OH at The James. Prior to going I wanted to be sure and get in a hike so I went to Patricia Allyn Park and got in 2 miles while FaceTiming with my daughter and granddaughter. Then when I went to pick up John for the commute to Columbus, he was so excited to see the reality of our new driveway in our woods for the WonderVan become reality as the gravel truck dumped #2s and #57s down. 

I can’t say enough about the blessings I get to experience because of this cancer diagnosis. Having Dr Sudheendra as my oncologist is pure joy. She’s so compassionate, knowledgeable and lovely! And she asked me to share my cancer diagnosis experience with a medical student so I got to share about the miracle God has chosen to bestow upon me. Then on our way out of the building there was a woman in a wheelchair who I “just happened” to share the elevator with and while our significant others were getting our cars we chatted. It was no doubt God moving in both our lives. She’s from a town where I used to live, she had breast cancer initially one year before me then was rediagnosed with metastatic breast cancer this summer that’s in her spine and lungs and she’s been with her significant other 11 years!! I couldn’t believe how similar our stories were. She seemed like she wasn’t having a very good day though so I asked if we could get together. I’m hoping she will take me up on it so we can get to know each other. I’m open to however God wants to use my life so long as it brings Him glory!

Infusion today means Florida tomorrow!! I can’t wait to hold my granddaughter once again and spend a few days with Sarah and Connor!!! Plus I’ll get to deliver yet more baby gifts for Saileigh that another friend of mine made her! Thank you, Linn!