I will start today’s blog with a song that I hope you have a few minutes to soak in. I recently heard it and it profoundly gripped my soul as I listened to the lyrics. This IS my heart in this weary season as I cry out to my One and Only true Love, Jesus! There is no better lover. There is no better listener. There is no better healer. There is no One more compassionate or empathetic. There is no One like my God! So with both arms raised high and the song cranked up loud, I sing out in my strongest voice to my Heavenly Father the lyrics of this song. Others don’t or won’t see my grief and no one can truly sit and understand my heart’s cry. Whether others choose to believe me or not, it does not matter because the only One who matters is my Creator and my forever Home and so to Him I cry out and to Him I sing and to Him I continually refocus my thoughts and affections! Because without Him life is not worth living and with Him, I have life to the fullest. Thank you, LillyMae for sharing your Spotify chill worship playlist with me so I could find this song and discover that Young Oceans wrote this song that is tucked into the folds of my heart, How Long Till These Tears Are Gone?
The past few weeks I have been deeply immersed in God’s creation with enormous and breath-taking trees, alpine mountain flowers, wild edible berries, rugged ocean shores, forested mountains, foggy coasts, alluring waterfalls and precious people whom I cherish. Because of my heavenly Father’s great love for me, all of it is bringing me to the start of healing and rediscovered joy.
Burney Falls near Mount Shasta, CA
Waterfall in Lassen Volcanic National Park
Wild flowers picked on South Headlands Trail in Mendocino, CA
Meditative pause overlooking the Pacific
Humboldt Redwoods State Park where we walked along the 2000+ year old ancient trees along Avenue of the Giants! If you look closely, I am standing at the base of the 300+’ tree under the massive burl!!!
Sea urchin, starfish & seals all became part of the canvas God painted to reveal His unique majesty!
Along our forest hike I spotted a forget-me-not wildflower and it reminded me of Deuteronomy 31:6! Let the renewed mind begin!
I am choosing to do whatever it takes to bring life and peace back into my days and nights again. I’ve needed laughter again. I’ve needed release of what doesn’t serve me. I’ve needed to reconnect to who I am in Christ. I’ve needed restoration of what’s been lost. I’ve needed to be renewed and rejoice again in the gift of life that God has for me. So I’ve chosen to design and go adventure on some Healing Retreats.
Right now I’m learning to trust God to provide day by day what I need, whether it be the places I lay my head at night or the growth He needs me to experience. One truth I’ve come to cling to is that healing is not linear and to give myself grace as I fluctuate between grief and growth, then joy and inner peace.
I like the smiles and beauty. He says it’s important to grieve, then recognize and acknowledge the ugly.
I like the happy and the light. He says, “Sadness is an emotion I created and it can feel heavy.”
I want the peaks. He says that He’s in the valleys too. Listen to FLOWERS where I’m reminded that in the valleys I’m not alone and that’s where the most growth happens.
I want security and hope. He says that there’s no One and nothing that’s safer than Him and that He’s my only hope.
I’m learning, Lord, but it doesn’t mean I like it.
I’ve realized I’m weaker than I wanted to admit. I hyper focus on things other than Christ in me. I get sucked into wishing I could change things that are not mine to change and God reminds me that renewing my mind is crucial to my healing.
So…I took a weeklong retreat to visit Northern California and to make a trip to see one of my dearest cousins, LuEllyn, who has the sweetest relationship with Jesus! And through it all God knew exactly what and who I needed on my first Healing Retreat the most!!…my sister sister, Melissa. Hence, I called the first of many Healing Retreats my Sacred Sister Healing Retreat!
It was all beauty and a time to release, restore, reconnect, reclaim and the ability to rejoice again… I had the privilege of experiencing it with my sweet Heavenly Father!
Unfortunately… I had an unexpected hiccup before starting the Retreat and yet there’s a message in that too if I see with spiritual eyes.
The day before my retreat I had a little mishap cutting a loaf of bread. God reminded me that sometimes things hurt like the dickens and yet with the right and proper attention, we will heal. Yes, there will be scars but that’s just life! Reminders of the fact that this is not my forever home and yet while I’m here I sometimes need to be properly treated and stitched back together to stop the bleeding and pain of the unwanted deep cuts that wound me.
This young friend was my guardian angel and drove me to the ER that morning then of course, once stitched up, we hiked the Clifton Gorge because, well… it’s gorgeous!
And there’s nothing and no-one better than having a kind, generous, BFF who shares her heart and home with me and covers me in prayer daily! Liz, your entire family has blessed me beyond measure. I love doing life alongside this lady. She’s a fierce woman of God and I can’t imagine life without her by my side! I know that in between my Healing Retreats that I can live with her family and be welcomed as family. And I’m grateful for other friends that have so generously opened their homes as well!
These two! Best sister, sister a girl can have who knows me better than probably anyone on earth! Lys and I had a Sacred Sister Retreat starting in San Francisco and worked our way up the northern coast of California as we worshipped, hiked, talked, journaled, and listened to our Heavenly Father guide us each day!
Laughter was something I haven’t experienced for many months so to be silly and laugh was some of the best medicine I drank in!
Being free to explore and roam whether it was on a random beach or in a sacred forest was part of the simple beauty we shared. No agenda other than her love, His Presence and asking God to show me each day what to do next was all part of the plan.
Father, thank you for this miracle of time with Melissa! Remember… Healing isn’t linear and I’m grateful I could aimlessly wander through a week of healing with you, sissy!🌺
These videos share part of my healing.
Day 1 - I released back to God all that doesn’t serve me. I wrote on dissolvable paper what I needed to toss back to God and He took them into the ocean, hidden behind a rock, slowly washing it away. I loved it that there were some seals overlooking right where I was. Then in the next video I held a heavy rock and put my weighty intention into it as I cast it into the sea! “Creator of the universe…these things I offered and asked you to help me let go of the pain, hurt, sadness, confusion, disappointment, and I need your help to do this daily!”
The places God provided for us to stay were overlooking oceans, in the forests, enchanting and restorative.
I have a thing for worshipping WITH trees with their branches-like-arms stretched wide! Read Psalm 148!
My Sacred Sister Retreat was divine and yes, healing began and yet Ohhhhhh! How much farther you must take me, Lord!
The treasure of time in California went so quickly and yet I’ve seen those raw areas where God is calling me to heal. It will take: Time alone. Time with friends. Time with my adult kids, my parents, my grand kids, my sisters and all the family and their significant others! Next I went to Rockford, IL for the holiday and it was all frenetic, fun family time! We got to celebrate a couple birthdays but this lady’s 81st birthday was especially joy filled! So grateful for every day I have the blessing of talking with, crying with, laughing with and praying with my mama!
So what’s next? A quick stop back in Ohio for my infusion then I’m headed to France for 2.5 weeks where I’ll continue my Healing Journey and will ask my Father what He needs me to do for my next chapter in healing, how He wants me to do it and I’m hoping it will include just one authentic French croissant!!
Dan-The-Baker is the best boulanger I know in Ohio but let’s see how the French do it!
