This morning I had some anxiety about the fact that I knew I'd be getting my MRI results. This would tell me if there were more areas of concern in the left breast as well as looking at the right. I assumed the doctor would be calling me with these results, but when I logged in to MyChart online to reply to a message I got, I saw that the results were posted, so I opened the message.
The result states: MRI-BREAST W/WO CON BILATERAL-DETAILS
Impression:
Enhancing mass within the inferior left breast, mid depth, 1.6 x 1.6 x 1.7 cm in size, consistent with history of previously biopsied breast cancer with left axillary adenopathy.
So answer to prayer that there was nothing new found!
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
Monday, May 30, 2016
Day 24 Gift from my Daughter
Today I received a gift from my thoughtful daughter, Sarah Jean, and it was a 5 year journal. She said that after 5 years of being diagnosed and not having any more cancer, I can consider myself totally healed from it! She wanted me to journal each day so that on May 30, 2021, I can claim that I am free from the diagnosis of cancer! I look forward to never thinking about it again, and rejoicing in that freedom!
I also had a restful night's sleep last night, thanks to many who prayed, especially my sweet friend, Monica Binder! Thank you for your compassion.
I also had a restful night's sleep last night, thanks to many who prayed, especially my sweet friend, Monica Binder! Thank you for your compassion.
Sunday, May 29, 2016
Day 23 Thankful for the Next Two Weeks of Normal
John and I had some dear friends from Red Door Church come by last night for a campfire and we just hung out sharing and laughing and enjoying a beautiful Saturday evening together. We also have had some of our favorite young couples, the Binders, come back for a Wonderly Weekend and spend precious time just doing life together...eating amazing food, having meaningful conversations, enjoying the gazebo magic in our backyard and serving each other in the most real Christian way I've ever experienced. I am such an extrovert, that this time with family and friends fills me up and energizes me. I see how God provides for me in ways I couldn't do myself. I have seen how He takes care of me through others' love and sincerity and humility.
All that said, I am relishing in the normality of it all as I live life the way we typically do, yet in the back of my mind, I know there is a time coming when I will have to meet the oncologist on June 13th and hear what he has to say. Then after that, it appears my next steps will be something that will direct my life very differently for a time. I am thankful that most of the time I am able to process it well and see the gift in 'today'. However, last night I woke up and felt that fear of what is about to happen and was imagining the upcoming surgery and treatment. I felt like the enemy was using my sleep to slip in fear and awaken me...however, God is so good! I woke up John and asked him to hold me. I prayed and fell asleep relatively quickly. When I woke up, that fear was no where to be found. Praise God!
Now John and I are going hiking for the afternoon at Glen Helen, near Yellow Springs. Thank you, Lord for my family and friends who are praying. Bless them and let them know that it's their prayers that are keeping me so positive!
All that said, I am relishing in the normality of it all as I live life the way we typically do, yet in the back of my mind, I know there is a time coming when I will have to meet the oncologist on June 13th and hear what he has to say. Then after that, it appears my next steps will be something that will direct my life very differently for a time. I am thankful that most of the time I am able to process it well and see the gift in 'today'. However, last night I woke up and felt that fear of what is about to happen and was imagining the upcoming surgery and treatment. I felt like the enemy was using my sleep to slip in fear and awaken me...however, God is so good! I woke up John and asked him to hold me. I prayed and fell asleep relatively quickly. When I woke up, that fear was no where to be found. Praise God!
Now John and I are going hiking for the afternoon at Glen Helen, near Yellow Springs. Thank you, Lord for my family and friends who are praying. Bless them and let them know that it's their prayers that are keeping me so positive!
Friday, May 27, 2016
Day 21 MRI was a breeze!
My MRI was much easier than I expected. Absolutely no anxiety...thanks to prayer, being faced down in the machine, and Valium. Actually, I don't think I even needed the Valium, but it did give me a nice nap on the drive down to the facility. A friend from church, Lynne Albrecht, who understands what I'm going through, as she is a breast cancer survivor, willingly drove me there since I was drugged.
I will have results from the MRI no later than Tuesday. It will tell me if there are any other areas of cancer in my left breast and even check the right one, just to be sure.
Then it's a waiting game until June 13th when I meet with the oncologists and get the oncotype results to know if I'm a candidate for chemo or not. So between now and then, I choose joy.
It's funny how during the day, I mostly just feel like myself, yet at night, I sometimes wake up feeling a bit paralyzed by fear of the reality of what I am really about to go through in the upcoming months. It's a physical gripping of fear that I need to pray through until I fall asleep. Thankfully, it does not last long and if I cuddle next to John, I am comforted. My longest best friend, Kathleen Pippen, sagely reminded me not to get ahead of my diagnosis. Good words that I think of often to calm me.
So now I am going to live life normally with bonfires, friends, laughter, fellowship, and enjoying the gift of feeling well.
I probably won't blog again until I know more information about the whole cancer process, so don't be surprised if things are quiet for a week or two.
That does not mean stop praying. :)
I will have results from the MRI no later than Tuesday. It will tell me if there are any other areas of cancer in my left breast and even check the right one, just to be sure.
Then it's a waiting game until June 13th when I meet with the oncologists and get the oncotype results to know if I'm a candidate for chemo or not. So between now and then, I choose joy.
It's funny how during the day, I mostly just feel like myself, yet at night, I sometimes wake up feeling a bit paralyzed by fear of the reality of what I am really about to go through in the upcoming months. It's a physical gripping of fear that I need to pray through until I fall asleep. Thankfully, it does not last long and if I cuddle next to John, I am comforted. My longest best friend, Kathleen Pippen, sagely reminded me not to get ahead of my diagnosis. Good words that I think of often to calm me.
So now I am going to live life normally with bonfires, friends, laughter, fellowship, and enjoying the gift of feeling well.
I probably won't blog again until I know more information about the whole cancer process, so don't be surprised if things are quiet for a week or two.
That does not mean stop praying. :)
Thursday, May 26, 2016
Day 20 Morning Thoughts
I wanted to share three quotes that friends have said about me or to me this week that have been very touching, encouraging, and helpful.
Reese Binder, my sweet, gentle young friend who recently released her own blog on her healing journey through grieving and anxiety:
(in referring to me) "One of my other dear friends, a kind of spiritual mother to me was diagnosed with breast cancer..."
Arun Lai, my Ghandi-like friend & financial advisor:
"Joy shared is doubled, Sorrow shared is halved."
Liz Pieniasek, my sister-like friend who recently lost her husband:
"The sadness hits in waves like contractions in childbirth. It's best to just ride the wave and not fight it because you know that eventually, it will come to an end."
I am so blessed to have so many people come alongside me in prayer, offer comfort, and are willing to help any way I need. I am convinced I am doing so well because all of you are praying. I can't thank you enough! Every day I collect more prayer warriors...Genine F. and Pie's/Pints Callie...thank you for your hugs and love yesterday. It was very good to see your faces and feel your embrace.
Also, on a medical note, I remembered I have a patient whom is a radiation oncologist that I have been treating for a few years as his hygienist. I took the liberty to call him last night and shared with him all that has been going on. He gave me some excellent advice and confirmed my choices in doctors. He said that Dr. Manders would be the breast surgeon he would have his own wife see if she had breast cancer. He also personally knows Dr. Cody and said he is one of the top medical oncologists in Cincinnati. Then he suggested I have a very specific conversation with my oncologist about the drugs they may choose if I need chemo because one of the common drugs, Taxol, may cause permanent loss of sensation in finger tips and toes. Since I'm a hygienist, that could mean loss of my career! He obviously was very sorry to hear that I was going through this and said, "It's a long journey, but you can get through it." He also totally sympathized with my loss of vacations this year into the wilderness, as he is an avid outdoor/wilderness lover as well. He suggested I consider a 'tamer' vacation this year so I could be closer to a medical facility should I need one.
I started thinking...maybe I could have my chemo medications sent with me and just take them on my trip to Jackson, Wyoming and deal with a day of yuck, but at least I'd be in the mountains with friends but close to a hospital, should I need one! Who knows, maybe, if a miracle happens, I could still even be released to go to Quetico, but instead of staying in the wilderness, I could stay at Zup's Outfitters Lodge, which is only an hour or so from a medical facility via float plane? I'm not giving up until I have to!
Reese Binder, my sweet, gentle young friend who recently released her own blog on her healing journey through grieving and anxiety:
(in referring to me) "One of my other dear friends, a kind of spiritual mother to me was diagnosed with breast cancer..."
Arun Lai, my Ghandi-like friend & financial advisor:
"Joy shared is doubled, Sorrow shared is halved."
Liz Pieniasek, my sister-like friend who recently lost her husband:
"The sadness hits in waves like contractions in childbirth. It's best to just ride the wave and not fight it because you know that eventually, it will come to an end."
I am so blessed to have so many people come alongside me in prayer, offer comfort, and are willing to help any way I need. I am convinced I am doing so well because all of you are praying. I can't thank you enough! Every day I collect more prayer warriors...Genine F. and Pie's/Pints Callie...thank you for your hugs and love yesterday. It was very good to see your faces and feel your embrace.
Also, on a medical note, I remembered I have a patient whom is a radiation oncologist that I have been treating for a few years as his hygienist. I took the liberty to call him last night and shared with him all that has been going on. He gave me some excellent advice and confirmed my choices in doctors. He said that Dr. Manders would be the breast surgeon he would have his own wife see if she had breast cancer. He also personally knows Dr. Cody and said he is one of the top medical oncologists in Cincinnati. Then he suggested I have a very specific conversation with my oncologist about the drugs they may choose if I need chemo because one of the common drugs, Taxol, may cause permanent loss of sensation in finger tips and toes. Since I'm a hygienist, that could mean loss of my career! He obviously was very sorry to hear that I was going through this and said, "It's a long journey, but you can get through it." He also totally sympathized with my loss of vacations this year into the wilderness, as he is an avid outdoor/wilderness lover as well. He suggested I consider a 'tamer' vacation this year so I could be closer to a medical facility should I need one.
I started thinking...maybe I could have my chemo medications sent with me and just take them on my trip to Jackson, Wyoming and deal with a day of yuck, but at least I'd be in the mountains with friends but close to a hospital, should I need one! Who knows, maybe, if a miracle happens, I could still even be released to go to Quetico, but instead of staying in the wilderness, I could stay at Zup's Outfitters Lodge, which is only an hour or so from a medical facility via float plane? I'm not giving up until I have to!
Wednesday, May 25, 2016
Day 19 Making Lots of Appointments
Today I scheduled 2 appointments with medical oncologists. One with Dr. Robert Cody, who works at Christ Hospital with Dr. Manders and the second opinion one with Dr. Darnell, who works at OHC. I tried a couple other med oncs with that OHC group but they cannot see me until a week or more later and I don't want to wait any longer than I have to since my first biopsy was May 6th. I am scheduled with them both on June 13th, which is great to have a first and second opinion appt right after the other because it will all be so fresh on my mind.
Since I am waiting for the oncotype results, I need to wait this long to see the oncologists to know if chemo is going to be beneficial for me or not. Oncotype gives a number between 1-100 and depending on the number I get from my tissue samples, I will know if my cells will respond to chemo well or not. If it is a high number, it's chemo first; if it's a low number, surgery first.
I also scheduled an appointment with Dr. Schneider, an orthopedic doctor, to evaluate my torn rotator cuff. My surgeon is concerned about all this being on my left side and how easily she can or cannot manipulate my shoulder during surgery if it's in such pain. That appointment is next week to discuss options.
I called to my nurse navigator, Vicki Estridge, today and she was very helpful in answering all my 5000 questions. She agreed that it's ok to have a second opinion for an oncologist. She calmed my nerves when I told her that the lump in my left breast that I could not feel before is now larger and very noticeable. She thinks it's a hematoma from the biopsy and to ice it. She also suggested I contact my gynecologist to ask about screening my ovaries, if I am concerned. She also suggested a support group that can help with stress relief which I definitely need; and activities to help me be distracted...which I don't really need. Between working full-time, calling doctors, learning about this whole treatment and disease process, spending time with friends and especially John, having my sweet daughter home to recover from shoulder surgery, and just being who I am, I don't need extra distractions.
So thankful for my sister, Karen, whom I call often to bounce things off of...she is my greatest help right now in talking things through with, whether it be me telling her I'm scared and feeling weepy or want to know how to proceed with a doctor or how to handle a nurse who says something that ruffled my feathers...she's there to listen, encourage, and offer a good word!
I am also so thankful for people like Ruth Ann Pinnick who called me out of the blue and offered to come to my house and give me a free massage to help me. Ruth Ann is my pastor's sister, a massage therapist, and someone I've only met a handful of times, but when the Lord puts people on her heart, she responds and I am so thankful. My neck muscles have been feeling strained and achy for 2 weeks now and I think it's where all my stress is settling. So, YES! I will take her up on that.
Heading home now to spend the evening with my daughter and husband. I have tomorrow totally off! Friday my friend, Lynne Albrecht, is taking me to my MRI appt so John can keep working. Hopefully this weekend will be a normal, non-medical, happy, family holiday...I am told that what's next is going to be very difficult, so I will be appreciating every moment with those I love.
Since I am waiting for the oncotype results, I need to wait this long to see the oncologists to know if chemo is going to be beneficial for me or not. Oncotype gives a number between 1-100 and depending on the number I get from my tissue samples, I will know if my cells will respond to chemo well or not. If it is a high number, it's chemo first; if it's a low number, surgery first.
I also scheduled an appointment with Dr. Schneider, an orthopedic doctor, to evaluate my torn rotator cuff. My surgeon is concerned about all this being on my left side and how easily she can or cannot manipulate my shoulder during surgery if it's in such pain. That appointment is next week to discuss options.
I called to my nurse navigator, Vicki Estridge, today and she was very helpful in answering all my 5000 questions. She agreed that it's ok to have a second opinion for an oncologist. She calmed my nerves when I told her that the lump in my left breast that I could not feel before is now larger and very noticeable. She thinks it's a hematoma from the biopsy and to ice it. She also suggested I contact my gynecologist to ask about screening my ovaries, if I am concerned. She also suggested a support group that can help with stress relief which I definitely need; and activities to help me be distracted...which I don't really need. Between working full-time, calling doctors, learning about this whole treatment and disease process, spending time with friends and especially John, having my sweet daughter home to recover from shoulder surgery, and just being who I am, I don't need extra distractions.
So thankful for my sister, Karen, whom I call often to bounce things off of...she is my greatest help right now in talking things through with, whether it be me telling her I'm scared and feeling weepy or want to know how to proceed with a doctor or how to handle a nurse who says something that ruffled my feathers...she's there to listen, encourage, and offer a good word!
I am also so thankful for people like Ruth Ann Pinnick who called me out of the blue and offered to come to my house and give me a free massage to help me. Ruth Ann is my pastor's sister, a massage therapist, and someone I've only met a handful of times, but when the Lord puts people on her heart, she responds and I am so thankful. My neck muscles have been feeling strained and achy for 2 weeks now and I think it's where all my stress is settling. So, YES! I will take her up on that.
Heading home now to spend the evening with my daughter and husband. I have tomorrow totally off! Friday my friend, Lynne Albrecht, is taking me to my MRI appt so John can keep working. Hopefully this weekend will be a normal, non-medical, happy, family holiday...I am told that what's next is going to be very difficult, so I will be appreciating every moment with those I love.
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
Day 18 I had a great day!
I'm so thankful for everyone's prayers as today felt like a totally normal day and my spirits were really positive! I didn't feel like there was a shadow looming over me at all. It was great to have a normal routine at work and coaching Special Olympics for hockey afterwards with John with all our very special people.
I'm just waiting now for Friday when I'll have my MRI.
One of my prayer warriors shared a quote that was very sweet and meaningful: "joy shared is doubled, sorrows shared is halved."
I'm just waiting now for Friday when I'll have my MRI.
One of my prayer warriors shared a quote that was very sweet and meaningful: "joy shared is doubled, sorrows shared is halved."
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