Sacred Sister Retreat and Family Love

I will start today’s blog with a song that I hope you have a few minutes to soak in. I recently heard it and it profoundly gripped my soul as I listened to the lyrics. This IS my heart in this weary season as I cry out to my One and Only true Love, Jesus! There is no better lover. There is no better listener. There is no better healer. There is no One more compassionate or empathetic. There is no One like my God! So with both arms raised high and the song cranked up loud, I sing out in my strongest voice to my Heavenly Father the lyrics of this song. Others don’t or won’t see my grief and no one can truly sit and understand my heart’s cry. Whether others choose to believe me or not, it does not matter because the only One who matters is my Creator and my forever Home and so to Him I cry out and to Him I sing and to Him I continually refocus my thoughts and affections! Because without Him life is not worth living and with Him, I have life to the fullest. Thank you, LillyMae for sharing your Spotify chill worship playlist with me so I could find this song and discover that Young Oceans wrote this song that is tucked into the folds of my heart, How Long Till These Tears Are Gone?

The past few weeks I have been deeply immersed in God’s creation with enormous and breath-taking trees, alpine mountain flowers, wild edible berries, rugged ocean shores, forested mountains, foggy coasts, alluring waterfalls and precious people whom I cherish. Because of my heavenly Father’s great love for me, all of it is bringing me to the start of healing and rediscovered joy. 

Burney Falls near Mount Shasta, CA

Waterfall in Lassen Volcanic National Park

Wild flowers picked on South Headlands Trail in Mendocino, CA

Meditative pause overlooking the Pacific

Humboldt Redwoods State Park where we walked along the 2000+ year old ancient trees along Avenue of the Giants! If you look closely, I am standing at the base of the 300+’ tree under the massive burl!!!

Sea urchin, starfish & seals all became part of the canvas God painted to reveal His unique majesty!

Along our forest hike I spotted a forget-me-not wildflower and it reminded me of Deuteronomy 31:6! Let the renewed mind begin!

I am choosing to do whatever it takes to bring life and peace back into my days and nights again. I’ve needed laughter again.  I’ve needed release of what doesn’t serve me. I’ve needed to reconnect to who I am in Christ. I’ve needed restoration of what’s been lost. I’ve needed to be renewed and rejoice again in the gift of life that God has for me. So I’ve chosen to design and go adventure on some Healing Retreats. 

Right now I’m learning to trust God to provide day by day what I need, whether it be the places I lay my head at night or the growth He needs me to experience. One truth I’ve come to cling to is that healing is not linear and to give myself grace as I fluctuate between grief and growth, then joy and inner peace.

I like the smiles and beauty. He says it’s important to grieve, then recognize and acknowledge the ugly. 

I like the happy and the light. He says, “Sadness is an emotion I created and it can feel heavy.” 

I want the peaks. He says that He’s in the valleys too. Listen to FLOWERS where I’m reminded that in the valleys I’m not alone and that’s where the most growth happens.

I want security and hope. He says that there’s no One and nothing that’s safer than Him and that He’s my only hope.

I’m learning, Lord, but it doesn’t mean I like it. 

I’ve realized I’m weaker than I wanted to admit. I hyper focus on things other than Christ in me. I get sucked into wishing I could change things that are not mine to change and God reminds me that renewing my mind is crucial to my healing. 

So…I took a weeklong retreat to visit Northern California and to make a trip to see one of my dearest cousins, LuEllyn, who has the sweetest relationship with Jesus! And through it all God knew exactly what and who I needed on my first Healing Retreat the most!!…my sister sister, Melissa. Hence, I called the first of many Healing Retreats my Sacred Sister Healing Retreat!

It was all beauty and a time to release, restore, reconnect, reclaim and the ability to rejoice again… I had the privilege of experiencing it with my sweet Heavenly Father! 

Unfortunately… I had an unexpected hiccup before starting the Retreat and yet there’s a message in that too if I see with spiritual eyes.

The day before my retreat I had a little mishap cutting a loaf of bread. God reminded me that sometimes things hurt like the dickens and yet with the right and proper attention, we will heal. Yes, there will be scars but that’s just life! Reminders of the fact that this is not my forever home and yet while I’m here I sometimes need to be properly treated and stitched back together to stop the bleeding and pain of the unwanted deep cuts that wound me. 

This young friend was my guardian angel and drove me to the ER that morning then of course, once stitched up, we hiked the Clifton Gorge because, well… it’s gorgeous! 

 And there’s nothing and no-one better than having a kind, generous, BFF who shares her heart and home with me and covers me in prayer daily! Liz, your entire family has blessed me beyond measure. I love doing life alongside this lady. She’s a fierce woman of God and I can’t imagine life without her by my side! I know that in between my Healing Retreats that I can live with her family and be welcomed as family. And I’m grateful for other friends that have so generously opened their homes as well!

These two! Best sister, sister a girl can have who knows me better than probably anyone on earth! Lys and I had a Sacred Sister Retreat starting in San Francisco and worked our way up the northern coast of California as we worshipped, hiked, talked, journaled, and listened to our Heavenly Father guide us each day! 

Laughter was something I haven’t experienced for many months so to be silly and laugh was some of the best medicine I drank in! 

Being free to explore and roam whether it was on a random beach or in a sacred forest was part of the simple beauty we shared. No agenda other than her love, His Presence and asking God to show me each day what to do next was all part of the plan. 

Father, thank you for this miracle of time with Melissa! Remember… Healing isn’t linear and I’m grateful I could aimlessly wander through a week of healing with you, sissy!🌺

These videos share part of my healing. 

Day 1 - I released back to God all that doesn’t serve me. I wrote on dissolvable paper what I needed to toss back to God and He took them into the ocean, hidden behind a rock, slowly washing it away. I loved it that there were some seals overlooking right where I was. Then in the next video I held a heavy rock and put my weighty intention into it as I cast it into the sea! “Creator of the universe…these things I offered and asked you to help me let go of the pain, hurt, sadness, confusion, disappointment, and I need your help to do this daily!”

The places God provided for us to stay were overlooking oceans, in the forests, enchanting and restorative. 

I have a thing for worshipping WITH trees with their branches-like-arms stretched wide! Read Psalm 148!

My Sacred Sister Retreat was divine and yes, healing began and yet Ohhhhhh! How much farther you must take me, Lord!

The treasure of time in California went so quickly and yet I’ve seen those raw areas where God is calling me to heal. It will take:  Time alone. Time with friends. Time with my adult kids, my parents, my grand kids, my sisters and all the family and their significant others! Next I went to Rockford, IL for the holiday and it was all frenetic, fun family time! We got to celebrate a couple birthdays but this lady’s 81st birthday was especially joy filled! So grateful for every day I have the blessing of talking with, crying with, laughing with and praying with my mama!

So what’s next? A quick stop back in Ohio for my infusion then I’m headed to France for 2.5 weeks where I’ll continue my Healing Journey and will ask my Father what He needs me to do for my next chapter in healing, how He wants me to do it and I’m hoping it will include just one authentic French croissant!! Dan-The-Baker is the best boulanger I know in Ohio but let’s see how the French do it!

When the Valley is Part of the Healing Journey

I’ve been thinking about how challenging it can be to share our struggles honestly, especially when we’re still in the middle of them. I know that healing requires honesty and vulnerability. Pretending everything is fine isn’t just exhausting - it’s dishonest to who God is creating me to be. I’m not ashamed of the work God is doing in me, and I hope we can all be more gracious when people share their authentic struggles.

People have asked about my health because I’ve hinted that things are challenging right now. Here’s my honest answer: I’m trusting that my self-care efforts are helping offset the mental stress I’m experiencing. But if we’re going to be real here - no, I’m not okay and it’s been a struggle, and I’m not ashamed to say it. It’s just how it is right now.

If my honesty makes you uncomfortable, that’s okay - and this might not be the right space for you. But if you want to journey with someone who’s committed to authentic living, even when it’s messy, then let’s keep walking together.

Sometimes life is really hard. I think of that scripture verse probably in Psalms: “Wake up, oh sleeper!” I’m waking up to honor my Creator who has beautiful plans for my life. Do I need to share every detail? No - some things are best kept private. But I also won’t pretend everything is perfect just to make others comfortable.

My world feels turned upside down right now. Yes, I’m sad. Yes, I’m grieving and processing. Yes, I’m in a valley, and I wish I wasn’t here. But isn’t this part of the human experience? My job isn’t to pretend I’m not in a valley, but to look up and ask, “Where does my help come from?” The Creator of the universe is holding me and guiding me toward wholeness, freedom, and wellness.

What do I need from you? Prayer. I’m learning to trust God’s plan even when it looks different than I expected. He’s known my path all along, and I’m holding tightly to Him because sometimes it’s scary and He has to carry me through the difficult parts.

I also need compassion. Trust that my journey is seen by God. I’m learning to trust His process. Will it be messy? Yes. Will I figure some things out as I go? Absolutely. But am I being brave and standing up for the woman God created me to be and the inner child I am as well? Yes.

Does this sound confusing because I’m not giving details? Of course. Please don’t let your imagination run wild - you don’t know the whole story, and that’s okay. Just know that I’m climbing out of this valley with God so I can live fully as His delightful daughter He created me to be.

This is my season of surrendering to God’s healing.  I’ve gained clarity and made some hard choices for my health. I’m reading recommended books, engaging in healing ministries, starting counseling, and planning spiritual retreats. I’m being intentional about my physical and mental health too.

This last week my cousins Pam and Todd Parmenter offered me sanctuary at their farm where I could process in their RV next to their barn that’s full of lots and lots of puppies! It’s been part of a long healing journey. I’m trying to exercise daily and riding my mountain bike when I’m able - it’s so therapeutic!

I woke up to sunrises with roosters and bullfrogs ushering in each new day, and then having heart-to-heart conversations with my precious cousins each morning at 6 AM except for the last couple days because I got a nasty cold and was drugged with decongestant.

Thank you for walking this journey with me through prayer and encouragement. 💕

**Here’s my heart in song during this season:**

In Jesus Name

Thank God I Do

You Say

Hold On to Me

Start with God, End with God, God in the Middle

Beginning my blog with one of my favorites…the comfort of Psalm 23. 

Friend Karen and I got to hit the rails to trails bike path on a picturesque Saturday but I had about a 15 minute delay due to those pesky charlie horses in my feet. However, despite physical side effects like this, there’s really nothing as sweet as spending time with Christ centered girlfriends who uplift me, encourage me and are always available to lean on when I need a compassionate ear. 

After my infusion I got to pick up my usual 3 loaves of organic sour dough sesame bread from Dan the Baker in Columbus, OH! I treated myself with this fresh strawberry (illegal) croissant topped with edible flowers!! Chloe is one of the gentle souls that walk this planet and she made me a delicious cappuccino with a floral pattern. Ok, going back to WFPB greens, grains, legumes, seeds, veggies and fruit! 

Rockford, IL where my parents and sisters live was just one of the loving sanctuaries I got to visit in this past three week period between infusions. I got to hike, bike, stay up late talking, ate nutritious food and learned a lot. Growth is my word for 2025 I think. 

Memorial Day gave my parents, sister Melissa and niece Breanna an opportunity to drive to the country where we visited some of my family plots at Irish Grove cemetery. My Grandpa Vince Richardson grew up close to here and I loved hearing the old stories of his simple farming lifestyle. He was born in 1915. His parents and grandparents had their headstones there and I got to see the marble edifice of my great grandfather Patrick Richardson whom I was named after! Even though I’m no longer a professing Catholic, I wonder if there’s a way I could be interred next to them some day? I’m hoping it’s not for 45 more years! We had a good laugh imagining where we all be placed and we stood on the very plots of ground…as living head stones!!!

My sweet sissy, Melissa, making me homemade açaí bowl!! Choosing to eat WFPB is much easier because of her!!

Because I was much closer to northern Wisconsin on this trip, I took advantage of proximity to a dear friend that I met a few years ago. Brenda is always referred to in my mind as my Gratitude friend. When I was re-diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer in April 2022, she reached out to me from a women’s mountain biking Facebook group connection we had briefly and she quickly became one of my daily encouragers. We hiked in the gentle rain a couple days and in truest Brenda fashion, she helped me work on my biking skills…this time it was cornering. I love how God knits beautiful souls into the tapestry of my life. 

This special lady became the reason God both used me and blessed me. My niece, Stephanee has had 4 surgeries in the past couple months and needed her Aunt TT to have a week long slumber party. It was such a joy to spend true quality time with her including teaching her how to chiffonade basil for a family recipe I call Corn Off the Cob summer salad. It’s so simple and oh so refreshing. Corn, purple onion, basil, olive oil, vinegar and honey!! Yum

 One of the coolest experiences I’ve had was being invited to share my story for a chocolate company, The Conscious Bar, so they could make a testimonial marketing video. They finally finished editing it and now I can share!! What a blessing again how God uses nobodies to highlight His goodness and miracles!! Please buy their chocolate. Ignore the investment. It’s healthy and guilt free chocolate!! 

NC to OH

The two weeks after my last infusion were filled with beautiful Appalachian Mountain views, fun-filled activities, and joyful time together with my husband… And yet during this gift of extended time together, I sensed such a longing deep within me that is a need not met in these wonderful miracle moments. As I have been contemplating the reason why, it was in the waking hours between sleep and consciousness one morning that the Lord revealed to me the reason for my sense of wanting. 

I love how God meets us where we are and uses metaphors that are meaningful to us, even when it might make no sense to someone else. He gave me a vision of me being a bobber on the water and thinking that what held me up and provided meaning was the water I had been floating on. But He showed me how it is like me floating on the Dead Sea, where it might look like I’m existing with purpose, yet the Dead Sea offers nothing of sustenance, and there is no true life to be found in it. Yahweh reminded me that I need to be floating upon Him, which is the actual Living Waters that offers true meaning, life, and purpose. He reminded me that unless I’m spending time with Him and I’m in His Living Word… I am just a bobber floating on the Dead Sea.

In all my busyness those two weeks that appeared to be so enriching, I now realize that like Solomon once said in the book of Ecclesiastes, that everything is vanity and meaningless except for one thing. I just leafed through Ecclesiastes again and it’s worth a re-read if it’s been a while since you’ve glanced it in its entirety. 

My friend, Linda, introduced me to a new, rather poetic and heady, Bible translation & study that is in the process of being translated called The Mirror Bible and I have downloaded it because I find it to be incredibly life-giving and reveals the heart of God like I’ve never experienced in any other translations. I do need to have time to really contemplate it rather than just a quick pick up and read kind of mentality though. Admittedly, The Passion Translation is a close second for me and I thoroughly enjoy reading Scripture again in either of these two translations! 

This last week I continued to come back to 1 John chapter 1, and read and reread The Mirror translation and the footnotes and have found it satisfying. What I’ve discovered in these passages trumps every glorious vista of mountains, flowers, sunrises, picturesque fog and wild life, every squeal of laughter going down a flowy trail on my bike, every retirement freedom joy, every good morning kiss and every thrilling activity of learning history of an area or walking 4 miles underground in ancient caves! So while I will share some of my favorite moments from these past few weeks, honestly, there’s nothing that is more life giving than the truth found in these few verses and the Word of God in general. I hope you take the time to reflect on these following scriptures and it is my prayer that you will also experience the gift that they contain, as I have.

1 John chapter 1:6-10 The Mirror Translation

6  This is the real deal. To live a life of pretense is such a waste of time. The truth has no competition. Truth inspires the poetry of friendship in total contrast to a fake, performance-based relationship. Light is not threatened by darkness. Why say something with darkness as your reference? 

7  We are invited to explore the dimensions of the same light that engulfs God; when we see the light in his light, fellowship ignites. In this light, we understand how the blood of Jesus Christ is the removal of (1) every distortion and stain of sin. 

Amended Footnote: (1) Sin is a distorted identity. To walk in the light as he is in the light means to see your life and everything that concerns you, exclusively from your Father’s point of view.

8  To claim innocence by our own efforts under the law of personal performance, is to deceive ourselves and to deliberately ignore the truth. The truth about us, does not mean that we now have to go into denial as if we haven’t done anything wrong. 

Footnote: (If you’ve hurt or wronged someone, go to them and be reconciled. To apologize restores harmony; but the essence of confession is a conversation inspired by the revelation of the love of God demonstrated in Christ. The focus of this conversation shifts from what you did wrong, to what Jesus did right. One cannot afford to cheat oneself by living a double life, acting out the fellowship thing, while still hosting stuff in one’s life that is inconsistent with the life of our design. You do not need to first get rid of darkness and then bring the light. Light deals most effectively and effortlessly with darkness. The light of the gospel does not reveal sin; it reveals our freedom from it.)

9  Our (1) conversation takes on a brand new dynamic when we take sides with what God believes about us. So, instead of telling God about the detail of our sin, we remind ourselves about the detail of our redemption. God doesn’t need the information, we do. God’s faithfulness and righteousness is the basis of our (2) forgiveness and cleansing from every distortion. Jesus removed every bit of condemning evidence against us. 

Footnotes: (1) The context of verse 7 suggests that we say what God says about us. (2) The word translated forgiveness, or remission is the word that means, ‘away from’, and ‘I am’; thus forgiveness is in essence a restoring to your true ‘I-am-ness.’ The injury, insult, shame, hostility or guilt would no longer define the individual.

10  If we judge ourselves innocent by the law of our own works, then we make Jesus Christ, and what his word and blood communicate within us, irrelevant. 

Footnote: The Logos/Word is the source; everything commences in Him. He remains the exclusive parent reference to our genesis. There is nothing original - except the Word. His life is the light that defines our lives. In His life, we discover the light of life. The darkness was pierced and could not comprehend or diminish this light. Darkness represents mankind’s ignorance of our redeemed identity and innocence.

Mirror Bible (https://app.mirrorword.net)

My refreshment I receive and agreement I have in reading this translation is an understanding that’s not necessarily new and yet totally new at the same time.

This simple and profound Truth is my everything. My why. Grateful. My identity is not in cancer, heritage, family, hobbies, wealth, or anything else. Sometimes I forget. Staying in the Word helps me remember. 

As promised, here is a slice of our past three weeks together… a snapshot of what John and I have been doing. After my last infusion, I flew to meet him in Charlotte, NC and we’ve been slowly working our way back home while taking advantage of the beautiful Spring weather. 

One annual ritual we missed this year in Ohio was morel mushroom hunting. I actually looked before I left and found none. I’m sure if there were any in our woods they are past their prime by now. But while there may not be morels, that doesn’t mean we missed the beauty of what is in the woods! We saw these two black bear in the woods of North Carolina and one day in the Great Smoky Mountain National Park we saw 5 black bear in the Cade’s Cove area.

In addition to whitewater rafting, hiking to many beautiful waterfalls, riding mountain biking trails and sight seeing in North Carolina and Tennessee we went deep underground in Mammoth Cave National Park in Kentucky. Come join me for the rest of our pre-WonderVan life!

Just outside Charlotte, NC there’s an awesome recreational paradise with a man made river for whitewater rafting, plus zip lining and mountain biking and we plunged in! Great fun! Charlotte, NC has become one of our new favorite cities!

Asheville, NC entertained us with a pricey little tour through Biltmore Estates on our way to more outdoor fun in Brevard, NC where we took in more hikes to waterfalls and a couple mountain bike trails.

The Great Smoky Mountain Railroad tour in Bryson City, NC traversed along rivers and the back hill country and the sweet folks we got to meet made the trip special and one thing we love about traveling is the good folks we get to interface with! 

A few days later we hit up Abrams Falls Trail which took us to this beautiful roaring 25’ tumbler and offered a moderate 5 mile loop hike in the Great Smoky Mountain National Park. 

The mountain bike trails were mostly wet on the days we were in the Smoky Mountains but we found an all weather trail we could ride and enjoyed going over bridges near rushing rivers. And when we weren’t biking, we were hiking! 

Once called Clingman’s Dome in the Smoky Mountain NP, this peak now named Kuwohi is a vista that was supposed to reveal a panoramic 360 view with hundreds of miles to see. Instead we were treated with a misty and mysterious living photograph of something spectacular!

Mammoth Cave National Park was physically challenging as we had 2 days of cave tours that equaled 3 underground tours, about 2000 stairs, and 8 miles of trails all below the earth’s surface. It wasn’t too claustrophobic for me but after hiking up and down shafts through the belly of the world, my calves are screaming even 2 days later!

Then our last stop before making it home to Ohio was to visit my dear friends now in Indiana! It’s been almost 30 years ago that Cindy and Ross were first my neighbors in northern Illinois and what sweetness to be able to make an impromptu visit and feel like not one minute has passed since the last time we were together! We still call each other neighbors and look forward to our next cherished moments together!

Other than those fun haunts, we made it home to overgrown grass with a yard full of puffy cotton ball dandelion weeds and spent this past week just doing what needed to be done to get back into a routine of normal life! 

Looking forward to spending Mother’s Day with one of my kids tomorrow! I’ma blessed woman!!