Today was crazy busy with a wide variety of events, activities, and scheduling.
Jonathan and his girlfriend, Marisa, stayed the night so we got to say good bye at 5:30 am as they headed out back to Michigan. So good to see my boy and just hug and hold him. I crawled in bed with him for a few minutes before he woke up this morning and he held my hand and stroked my long black hair one last time for a long time.
Then off to work for training in the sleep apnea treatment that we will be offering through the dental office. I called Dr. Henize on the way to the office to tell him about my oncology appointment yesterday because he needed to hear it from me directly that Monday my chemotherapy starts and I won't be working for 20 weeks as a hygienist...and probably even much longer with surgeries following that.
When I got to the office, my co-workers decorated the entire office, had gifts for me, and cake (no, I did not have even one bite!), and balloons because June 10th was my 10 year anniversary working for Dr. Henize. It was very lovely to be acknowledged by such dear friends. I received very generous gifts from them all and I felt truly appreciated and cherished.
The day consisted mostly of 7 hours of advanced training but honestly, as much as I paid attention, I was distracted multiple times with doctor phone calls as my chemo port surgery was scheduled and rescheduled along with my oncologic echocardiogram. So TOMORROW morning, I will be heading to Christ Hospital for the procedures.
I am so thankful that so many folks responded to my Facebook request to bring me to the hospital and back. Shout out to Tiffany Acuff and Susan Muterspaw who will be sacrificing hugely for me tomorrow, along with all the others of you who offered to help. My heart overflows with your love and prayers.
My one big Ah-ha moment today took place driving to work this morning. I was thinking about this whole going bald thing and wondered how I will actually process it once it happens. Then God gave me the vision of how being bald is such a vulnerable and exposed state to be in. It will take place during a season of suffering and pain in my life. This is similar to the Israelites and their circumcision. It happened to make these men/boys not only vulnerable, but exposed and in a state of suffering and pain. Yet God used that to remind them and now me of the utter dependence on Him, our Shelter, our Rock, our Salvation. He wanted to remind me that this is the dependence I need to remember even when I am not hiding behind a full head of hair, or anything else that we think we can hide behind or take for granted, like our security, our bank accounts, our health, our status, our kids, our accomplishments, etc. Without Him, I am nothing. This baldness will now be a reminder of my complete humility and vulnerability and dependence on Him. It won't take much effort to remember that that is how God wants me to be all the time in my heart toward Him. For a long time I will have a physical reminder of this and I will choose joy and thankfulness in my baldness as I remember much easier that state He wants my heart to be in all the time.
After work, we coached Special Olympics floor hockey and we told them all that I was sick and would not be back for some time as I take time to heal and get better. I am so thankful that God has orchestrated that Graham and Monica Binder, a young couple God miraculously put in our lives, are now coming to Tuesday night floor hockey with us and have stepped in where I will have to step out for several months. It's amazing to see how He worked that out. We had them up for a yummy John Wonderly grilling amazingness and laughed and shared life with them.
Now I am about to head to bed and I'm actually going to do a home sleep study test tonight to see if I have sleep apnea.
Tomorrow will be a new day, so I will deal with those emotions tomorrow as I have the port placed.
I ask for continued prayers for sound sleep tonight and that the doctor that will place the port will be on his/her game and focused on the details and that no infection will be allowed to enter my system and placement is perfect!
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