I'm sitting at my desk right now having a hot flash as I type. My scalp is sweating, my boobs are sweating, my neck is clammy and I want to just stick my head in the freezer. But that little side effect is truly tolerable now that I have something to compare it to. As I said in the past, the first round of chemo drugs were brutal, ugly, tiresome, and consuming. These past weeks with just Taxol is much easier to tolerate. In fact, I almost don't feel like I'm on chemo other than the hot flashes. Of course, I had those little sweaty moments before all this, but I have been told that the chemo will throw me into menopause permanently. So here I sit, sweating...and thankful. I know it will go away.
Today my chemo went really well again! Andrea Moorehead brought me again. I listened to my John Denver Pandora station and she studied for a CEU, I shared my organic apple with brie cheese, sipped my Perrier water with lemon, and the hours passed with no discomfort. Yeah!! I did mention to Dr. Cody that the steroids really keep me buzzed for a couple days and I have a hard time sleeping the first night, so he lowered the dose of it from 10 to 4 (some unit like gr or mg...not sure which). And literally, when I got home, I collapsed in my bed, fell asleep and conked out for 2 hours! I will see how this will affect my night. He says the steroids help with the effectiveness of the anti-nausea meds.
Today I have heard from a dear old friend, Tiffany Navey. She and I worked together for years until she decided to have a baseball team of baby boys. I have continued receiving cards and texts from my patients every week! I feel so loved. Thanks to those who care, pray, bring meals, offer to drive me to chemo and reach out in big and small ways! A random neighbor I've never even met before stopped me today as I was in my driveway and said she is a breast cancer survivor and we talked about her treatment and she offered to be there for me anytime I want to talk. It amazes me that strangers and acquaintances can be so concerned, attentive, and genuinely willing to 'be there' for me . I love it how God puts folks in my path and directs my steps, and provides all I need.
I had a dream when I was sleeping a bit ago. I was with a group of people who wanted to pray with me and John. I remember that I closed my eyes, raised my hands and was immediately worshiping God, wishing I was present with Him. The people faded and I was caught up in the spirit praising Him. I wanted to be in the spirit world, not the physical world. I wanted to see Him, to be in my eternal self and I was filled with joy in the thought of this. Thank you, Dr. Mary Neal, for the gift of this awareness. If anyone has not yet listened to her story, please do so. It rocked my world, changed my life, and I am eternally thankful.
Lastly, I was talking to John yesterday and sort of mourning the fact that my 50th birthday is coming up and I so dreamed of being deep in Quetico, Canada in the wilderness with him, but Dr. Cody nixed that months ago. He is right in doing so. If anything happened I could be 1-3 days from getting proper medical attention and the wilderness is too risky and my immune system is too vulnerable. Then I had a potential brainstorm! What if we drove to a pretty place in the US and hiked Andy paddled but did not do it in a wilderness setting? That would be a dream come true! We discussed potential places and came up with a beautiful place in Michigan that we can drive to. I'm looking into it. I still might need to camp for financial reasons, but that's my personal preference anyway! Has anyone ever been to Pictured Rock National Park? If you have, please share what you would do, where you would stay, sights you would not miss and trails to hike. I know it's got potential, but I am being practical too. Maybe my 50th could be special after all!
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