Day November 30, 2016 Praise That Tonight Can Say, It Is Well With My Soul

In nine hours I start the procedures to begin chapter 2 of treating the breast cancer. I will start with a wire insertion in both my breast and my armpit in order for the surgeon to better locate the marker where the tumor and lymph node was...I did say WAS because there is nothing there anymore for her to find  without the marker! That's a huge praise! Then my favorite surgeon ever, Dr. Jennifer Manders,

will successfully complete a lumpectomy and do a sentinel node biopsy. Depending on what the initial pathology looks like, I will either be done at that point or she may need to do more aggressive surgery on the lymph nodes and I would then stay the night. Honestly, I'm confident that I'll be home tomorrow night. 

So how am I, really?  Pretty excellent, to be honest. I have received many calls today and am being lifted in prayer by many, so I have a sense of  my most special loved ones covering me in prayer. I am a bit anxious about  that wire insertion part because I'll be awake for it and have to have needles stuck in me to get numb, but it will be over before I know it. Then when all is done, I'm looking forward to spending a week with my mama as she came down from Illinois to care for her favorite second daughter. :0) We may not go kayaking or anything as adventurous as that this week, but we will hopefully do a little baking, put up our Christmas decorations, and make a few more stops to DLM.

In fact, mom came with me today to my first consultation at a local radiation oncologist, Dr. Ryan Steinmetz. I liked him, but still will meet with one or two others before I decide on who I'm most comfortable with. Thankfully, my sister, Karen, is in the radiation oncology field in Milwaukee and gave me great questions to ask and what to look for.  Unfortunately, he informed me that I would need at least 6 weeks of radiation. I had originally heard 3-6 depending on my pathology, but he said that is not the case.

Then mom and I had a little excursion to Dorothy Lane Market and I fed her a couple delicious treats from their bakery, an almond-filled buttery croissant and a salted caramel coconut macaroon. Once we arrived home, my adoring and servant-hearted husband made us a scrumptious dinner with fresh wood grilled venison filets smothered in garlic butter, Apothic Dark  wine, grilled asparagus, and a salt roasted baked potato with sour cream and Kerry Gold butter. This was then topped off with  very tiny scoops of 4 flavors of ice cream with fresh black raspberry sauce I made last night and chocolate ganache. Ok...NOW I can go to sleep and have surgery. All is well with my tummy AND my soul.

So no matter what happens tomorrow, all truly is well and I love being in God's will. I trust Him. And if anyone has any doubts about that, please watch Dr. Mary Neal's  video. It totally changed how I view all of what has happened in my life since my diagnosis. It has been one of my personal greatest gifts since May 10th.

I'll leave you with this great song that speaks the words of my soul tonight. I can't wait to lift my hands and sing and worship with my Red Door family in a few weeks when I return. It's been too long since I've been regularly attending church, but the great news is I did not get sick and my immune system has been strong. So I'm mentally, physically and spiritually prepared for tomorrow.

Day Nov. 28, 2016 Getting The Yips 3 Days Before Surgery

I am getting the Yipps!

Ever since I was young, when my dad was excited about some event, like leaving for a fishing trip, he would get up very early, which for him was probably 3 a.m. and he would get the Yips. That is best described as pacing, checking and rechecking all his gear and luggage, and frenetically doing whatever he could think of before departing.

I am sensing that I, too, am beginning to get the Yips, but more out of some anticipation of surgery. So today, I am checking off my list, staying busy with winterizing our lawn and garden beds, grocery shopping for when mom gets here, getting little tasks done, etc...but I can feel the adrenaline starting to ramp up.

I have lots of thoughts going through my mind like: Will I wake up from surgery with lymph nodes being negative or will they all be harvested under my armpit because they were positive? Will I wake up!? How will I feel after surgery? Will I like the radiologist I am meeting on Wednesday at Atrium Hospital? How will my boob look after surgery? Will I remember to do all the prep correctly before surgery? Will I be able to blog after surgery? How long will my mom need to stay? When will I be comfortable sleeping on my tummy again and will it be hard to sleep on my back after surgery? When will I know how many weeks of radiation will I need? I wonder what my final pathology will be after surgery?  Will I feel well enough by Dec. 12 for my anniversary to do something? Do I have my affairs in order in case I don't wake up?! Oh gosh, that's a strange thought, but it's there.

That's all for now. I need to go read and sip tea.  This chick needs to calm it down!

1:10 am Tuesday. Couldn't sleep. Tossed and turned in bed after bizarre dream so I went downstairs to read. After downing a seltzer water and munching on a few chips I settled on the sofa in the Wilderness room with my twinkle lit tree that we keep up all year. Twinkle lights make me happy. I read a bit then dozed off til the garbage truck awakened me. I keep thinking about my surgery. Definitely got the Yips!

Day Nov. 26, 2016 Thanksgiving, Chemo Side Effects, And Prayer Request For My Upcoming Surgery

With Thanksgiving and Black Friday behind us, I can say, like many, that I have much to be thankful for. It started out with a very FULL week of Thanksgiving meals three days in a row, then on Thanksgiving morning, John calling me to say he got another deer and would I like to track it with him?! YES!! I just love those phone calls and to get it on Thanksgiving morning was reminiscent of when I was a kid and my dad and grandpa would hunt pheasant on Thanksgiving mornings.  Now our freezer is full again! Thank you, Lord, for your provision. As for Black Friday, whilst I dared not step into an actual store yesterday, I did shop for 2 much needed items via the web! Soooo much easier for me.

One thing I will mention publicly that I am thankful for, that I can't thank the person who did it because they did it anonymously :) is receiving in the mail a surprise $100 gift card to Dorothy Lane Market! Thank you, Anonymous, as it will come in handy in a huge way very soon! We are very blessed! Also, I just love this place and I actually take my friends and family there as an event! DLM, as we call it, holds a very special place in my heart. It's where I met my hubby for a 2nd date and when I knew I would marry him!

 As for how  I'm feeling this week, my chemo brain is so much better. I process much more normally in my thinking...at least  "I" think so!  My muscle fatigue is still very prevalent, especially in my quads. They ache and are weak and feel tight still ALL THE TIME! It does not mean I can't do things, but I do them slower and with some moaning , like when I walk up stairs. There is a tiny bit of tingling/numbness in my heels still but I hardly notice it.

Great news is I no longer have any metal taste when I eat and hot tea finally tastes good again. It's been 6 months since I wanted a cup of tea. Previously I was a 2 cuppa tea girl with a nice black tea English style with milk and honey. Fortunately, since I never have caffeine anymore,  I don't know if I want to start that addiction again.  But I will admit that  a lovely steamy mug of Irish tea with my only piece of my grandma's recipe of my homemade raspberry pie ala mode for breakfast yesterday was divine.

In addition to all that, I do have some not so great news. After my chemo, Dr. Cody ordered a Dexascan. Evidently the oncologist does this often post chemo because the steroids used long term can cause weakening in bones. A Dexascan checks for bone density. As I best understand it, I now have  Osteopenia. It is a low  bone mineral density and a precursor to Osteoporosis.  I will be calling the doctor on Monday to see to what degree mine is.

As for this beautiful week, I get to see my mama!! She will be my nursemaid for several days while I recover after surgery on Thursday. Please pray that my lymph nodes are now negative. The doctor told me that I have a 40% chance that they would be. This is why I chose to do chemo first! My chances of lymphedema are much less if they are negative because all I'll need is a lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy. If they are still positive, then surgery will be more involved and all my lymph nodes under my armpit will have to be removed.

Day November 20, 2016 A Wonder/Binder Weekend In Red River Gorge and Many Thanks

Despite feeling pretty achy, in my legs especially, we ventured out to our Annual camping trip with the Binders. Sadly, one of the two Binder couples could not make it as the nasty fever, chills, flu-ish yuck hit the night before they were to leave. So we schlepped gear and food for 6, but only had 4. What a blessing that was! It was SO cold, that Graham and Monica Binder had to raid the sleeping bags/blankets of the other Binder couple who could not make it just to stay warm enough! Our chilly weekend could actually constitute our First Frozen Butt Hang of the season as it supposedly reached the high 20's last night!  We had a great time in our little haven with hammocks, campfires, nature, friends, delicious food, and of course the gator!

 Wild Sockeye Salmon with Garlic Butter!

 Graham and Monica enjoying roasted peppers and zucchini.

 Checking out the Daniel Boone Backcountry Byway map

 The last oak leaves showing their glory for our enjoyment!

 Graham perfecting garlic butter popcorn!

I admit, it was not so easy for me doing simple tasks like hanging my hammock or searching for firewood. I just tired too quickly for my liking, but everyone was understanding and it was a huge blessing to be outside in God's beauty for 3 straight days! John is continually my hero as he graciously and willingly helped hang all three hammocks and set up camp practically by himself.  I did what I could, but without his expertise and kindness, I would never have made it!

We camped literally right next to a creek and the area was beautiful. Thankfully, Graham and Monica helped us beautify the area even more as we collected practically EVERY nasty old beer can, plastic bottle, and whatever trash we saw on the trails as we played around the area. But we made it fun! Who would think picking up other people's trash could elicit so many laughs?! 

The serene view from my hammock.


We are home now and have a week full of activity, like the rest of America on this holiday week. Since one of the Binder  couples couldn't make it this weekend, they all will come over this week for a Wonder/Binder Thanksgiving meal so we finally can be together. Who knows, we may actually have open-fire roasted chestnuts or garlic buttered popcorn for dessert just like in the wilderness! But mostly this week I will be cleaning out the 4 tubs of left over food and gear and putting it all away until January. I doubt much camping will happen between now and then.

I am so very thankful that I don't let my muscle fatigue and weakness prevent me from doing those things I love most. I am living life fully, Jordan Pieniazek.

I am thankful for my husband, John, who cherishes me with every fiber of his being, even if I have no eyebrows, a grey fuzzy head, and am more tired than normal. Beyond blessed and I can't believe I have the privilege to be married to such a man as John Wonderly!

I am thankful for our friends who love to and are able to do the crazy things we enjoy like sleeping outside when it's 28 degrees.  And they actually love it!

I am thankful for my children who call me often to just say hi, tell me about their lives, and tell me they love me! My heart is full and your actions let me know how much you care! Thank you! Up, down, all around!

I am thankful for my all family and friends who hold a profoundly special place in my heart. I can't say enough how thankful I am for each and everyone...Too many to name, but you know who you are! You have visited, called, sent cards and gifts, and mostly you've prayed!

I am thankful that  God has given me today to celebrate life. I do not take it for granted.

Day November 16, 2016 Surgery Date Changed...Argh!

Today while  packing our winter camping gear and writing lists of food items we will need for the weekend of winter camping, I received a call from my breast surgeon's office explaining that Dr. Manders had some things scheduled for November 29th that she was not aware of and they had to move my surgery date to Thursday, December 1, 2016.

As much as I tried keeping it to Tuesday, or even move it up to  next week, she said that my only option was that Thursday or the week after. Much disappointment!! Ok, I even melted into a little puddle of  a few tears after we hung up! I was  surprised at my reaction, but I think when it comes to big events like this, I get it in my head, make arrangements, accept it, and prepare myself for it. However, I had 3 major reasons why having it on December 1 was so NOT what I wanted, but having it the following week was not going to work either. So, I had to mentally adjust and accept my new surgery date.  Let's just say I'm not a happy camper right now!

Aside from that, I must say that the side effect I mentioned the other day about my muscles being fatigued has increased significantly. I have called Dr. Cody's nurses and discussed it. Supposedly, it is still normal. But I would say that it's more than just fatigue at this point. I feel like there is significant stiffness in my leg muscles now; the rigidness and lack of flexibility is so profound that I walk slower, moan in discomfort when I stretch, and ache when walking fast or up steps. I figured this might last a couple days or maybe even weeks, so I asked the nurse. THAT is when I figuratively hit the floor! She said that this can last 6 months to a year!!! She also informed me that if it continues to worsen to the point that I need help, there is a cancer fatigue therapy that she can refer me to in West Chester that is through Christ Hospital. When I read about these side effects, the exact term of what I feel is 'rigor', like in rigor mortis, except I'm not dead so it's just rigor! Also, my neck muscles feel weird again. Perhaps it's stress, but it's a tightness that makes me feel a little like there is something stuck in my throat. I expect it to go away.

A positive comment, which I'm honestly feeling quite whiny tonight so it's a stretch to feel happy right now, is that John and I grilled out fresh venison filets and grilled asparagus for dinner tonight. It was scrumptious and a long time coming!

Now, I think we are going to sit in the Jacuzzi tub and watch a Christmas movie to put me in a better mood.

Day November 14, 2016 My Upcoming Week Is Packed With Goodness...and NO Chemo!

It's Monday. I'm NOT packing a lunch for my chemo salon appointment. Happy Dance!

Instead I am planning a week full of productive, fun, and industrious tasks.

The first item up... wrapping the venison John and I processed yesterday. Finally, we have tenderloin steaks again after 2 years! These coveted, tender, and delicious steaks are saved for special occasions as we have no promise of the next successful hunt.  As you can see, my husband is a happy hunter and a thankful one as he always pauses to thank God for the gift of His provision.

Also, I will hit the pavement again for my friend Doni Owen, who lost her beautiful daughter, Erika, in March 2015 to at tragic drowning accident. The family has started a foundation on her behalf   Infinite-e Foundation and are raising funds for things near and dear to Erika's heart. This December 10th they will have a Walk A Mile For Her Smile fund-raising walk at North Park in Springboro, OH. Since I probably won't be able to walk it physically due to my upcoming surgery, I can hit the pavement now. So last week and this week I will request local Springboro businesses to donate items for their silent auction. So far, it's been hugely successful!

On Thursday we will attend Red Door's annual Feast where the place is transformed into another world and a Thanksgiving dinner will be served as my church family gathers to get Thanksgiving boxes prepared for the Fairfield and Greedhills community. It's always magical! Here is Kim Martin as the Queen from Alice in Wonderland last year as she honored Sarah and me for a photo! If you are interested in attending THIS Thursday or Friday evening, check out Red Door's Feast info.

And in preparation for an upcoming chilly camping weekend at Red River Gorge, I will be getting our winter gear out and ready, along with shopping for and packing food for the 6 of us who will be enjoying the beauty of God's creation. Here are a couple snapshots of the First Annual Wonderly/Binder camping trip from 2015! This year it will include even more Binders!!

While I'm not blogging about much cancer-related information in this post, I am grateful to be living and feeling well enough to do these things this week. In fact, the only things I notice related to my chemo fall out is that my hair is slowly starting to grow back in...albeit, more gray than before! This is one month's growth! Only 3 more years to get it back to my preferred length!

Also, my vision is definitely affected. The nurses told me to expect a change in my quality of vision and that once all is said and done, I will likely need a new prescription in my glasses. And muscle fatigue is palpable when doing much physical exertion. I notice it when walking, hiking, and even running up the stairs. I'm not sure if it's because I have been so sedentary over the past 5 months or if it's truly a side effect, but it won't stop me; it will just slow me down.  And last is my weight. I MUST be more disciplined! I realize I love my desserts too much. It's gotta stop. Porky here is going to be more disciplined. Yesterday I shared with my step daughter, Kasey, Pies and Pints Chocolate Peanut Butter Brownie Terrine which has alternating layers of brownie & peanut butter, covered with chocolate ganache. While it was her 25th birthday cake, I think I ate at least 15 years worth of it! 

Thankfully, my chemo brain is getting better too. I have even read a book this past week! I know that may not be remarkable to most, but I literally couldn't look at the pages of a book before with the steroids and chemo in me.

Off to my Wilderness Room to sip  tea, eat a 'healthy' breakfast, and read. I think today I'll focus on Psalms. 

Day Nov. 9, 2016 GREAT NEWS!! My MRI report delivered to you with flying colors!

This week is packed with  great news! First, I had my last chemo on Monday. Second, I had an MRI on Tuesday and the Presidential election is finally over! And third, my breast surgeon gave me some humbling good news today! Oh, and let it be said that I have a total girl crush on my surgeon! She  is warm and friendly, genuine and confident, bubbly and fun, extremely competent, and simply adorable!  I am very, very thankful that  Dr. Manders was recommended to me back in May. I wouldn't think of going to anyone else to have my surgery done! 

 I now have my surgery scheduled for Tuesday, November 29, 2016. And here is my GREAT NEWS: The post chemo MRI showed no measurable mass in my breast and the notes on the MRI report state that the mass is essentially resolved!!! Previously I had a 1.5 cm tumor that was found with the MRI. Additionally, the axillary nodes, aka armpit lymph nodes, are also diminished in size with no abnormally enlarged nodes found!!! This does not mean that there is no cancer in them, however, the possibility of my lymph nodes being negative now are much greater and the fact that she said that she wouldn't even be able to find the cancer without the markers previously placed during the biopsy means that the chemo did it's job exceptionally well!!

During surgery the biopsies will be performed and that report will be definitive in determining the final pathology of the lymph nodes to determine if I'll only need a lumpectomy with sentinel node biopsy vs. lumpectomy with full node dissection. Let's all pray for the sentinel node biopsy only!

Again, thank you, everyone for your prayers. I do not take them for granted.

Day November 7, 2016 Let It Be Said That I Finally Am Done With Chemotherapy After 5 Months & I Loved My Weekend With A Dear Friend

 Today was my last chemotherapy appointment.

 

  My sweet husband insisted he come with me, and I'm so thankful he did.

 This is the actual moment of the needle being removed from my port. I want to thank every person at Dr. Cody's office for treating me so wonderfully! I'll miss you...sort of! You know what I mean :)

 I'm very glad to be at the end of this phase of my treatment; it has been much easier than I expected for the last 12 weeks. That's a huge praise!

 Here is one of my chemo sisters in the chemo salon. Today was  the last day of treatment for both of us!

Everyone said to 'celebrate' and several people asked if I was 'excited' that it was my last day. Honestly, 'excited' was not the word I would have chosen for today. Yes, I'm glad it's behind me,  but excited? Not feeling it like that. In fact, I got a little teary on the drive home. I think it's the exhale, the whew, the now breathe 'moment' after 5 months of having my world turned upside down that was more my reality. And the tears were the physical letting it out that I made it this far. Indeed, I am thankful beyond words for all the support and prayers that have kept my spirits afloat! So, at first I had no interest in 'celebrating', but then I thought about peppermint ice cream with homemade dark chocolate ganache and I changed my mind. I 'celebrated' by stuffing my face with one of my favorite cold weather ice cream treats.

And the past 4 days have been such an incredibly fun and glorious time visiting with my old neighbor, Cindy, from Illinois. We caught up after almost 6-7 years of not seeing each other as we enjoyed a campfire, we hiked, we ate way too much while touring Dorothy Lane Market, we devoured Pies and Pints wings...twice, she taught me how to wax, and we both thoroughly  cried laughing as we fought over the a/c vs the heater depending on who, at any given moment, was having a hot flash! Such a gift to have her fly from NJ to visit me.

Day November 2, 2016 "What Was I Just Doing?" & Wax Anyone?

As I mentioned in Monday's post, my thinking and processing has definitely been affected with the chemo lately. But it's pretty minor, all things considered.  While Monday I was super jittery and my drugs were noticeably making me a little crazy, yesterday and today I have been much more 'normal' feeling.

The biggest help is to not attempting multi-tasking or doing too much in a day. I seem to focus well on one thing at a time...for the most part.  But it's pretty common for me to walk into a room, pause, then think to myself, "What was I going to do?" or "Why did I just walk in this room?" Sometimes I just can't remember, so I do the next thing on my to do list. I know lots of my readers will say that they have the same issue...trust me, chemo brain just feels different. I keep thinking that this must be what it's like when an elderly person is beginning to notice dementia-type behavior. I know that I am forgetting, and I know it's not supposed to be that way. There is a little fear that it might never be the same, but I am hopeful.

I admit, these past 2 days (of course, with steroids in me), I have been very productive. I have cooked fancy meals, cut the grass, blew all the fall leaves in the backyard, cleaned the house including some windows...and that was with a straight razor and vinegar. I'm talking deep cleaning! I have visited with a precious sister in the Lord aka Doni Owens, baked gingerbread cookies, and something else...but I can't remember! Seriously.

Physically I am not feeling anything from the chemo other than an occasional strange prickly or tingly feeling in my face, but it's just an awareness, not a discomfort.

I am looking forward to a visit from an old friend of mine from when I lived in Illinois! This neighbor of mine and I have kept in communication for over 13 years when we moved away from northern Illinois. The agenda is to relax, catch up on our families, and wax! Yes, you read that right.  She is someone who waxes HERSELF! And when I told her my hair (everywhere) is growing back in and I kinda liked the no shaving thing, she offered to teach me to wax myself! So because the hair that grows back in is like baby hair and not my usual course, stubbly hair, I figured that now is the time to try it. It will be funny...and painful!