Tennessee Bound

Today has been one of the best days since all this craziness started. My list of blessings are as follows:

1. Zero pain at the biopsy site! It was in my bone!! 

2. My ability to breathe with mild exertion is SO much easier than the past 2 days when it kept getting harder and harder. 

3. Spent the morning with a dear friend who arranged to have time with me. Such a special time sharing beet juice with this lady, Cat. 

4. Stopped in to surprise my coworkers on the way out of town.  I miss them all terribly! AND they continued to shower me with gifts.  

5. My daughter whom honestly,  I've been most concerned about with this news came outright and said, "Mom, you've raised me to be so strong and even if God takes you before I want Him to, I'm going to be ok. As a family we will rally and be there for each other and I will be ok." That was like salve to my hurting mama’s heart. 

6. I'm so blessed by the outpouring of support from so many people. There are entire Bible study groups from many of my friend’s churches even as far reaching as Oman that are praying, there are friends of mine who are Jewish, Muslim and even agnostics that have shared that they're praying for a miracle of healing. I'm so deeply humbled and overwhelmed with this amount of love.  

7. I am driving to Memphis, TN with my husband to hang with him while he's at a work conference and one of my BFFs is flying in tonight to be with me.  

Medically, it’s Day 2 on Ibrance. I didn’t think there were any side effects until 5 minutes ago. Not sure if it’s from the drug or what but when I crawled out of the passenger seat to hop in the back of the van for a bit it felt like I had sharp pain in the bottom of my right big toe. When I looked it felt like I stepped on something sharp but actually it was a bulging blood vessel that feels bruised. I’m not sure what that’s all about but I need to watch it. The doctor said there could be lowered white blood cell count with this drug among many others but we decided it was a risk we had to take. 

Prayer for these medications to work, for the Asea to help cells heal and mostly that Jesus will completely heal me regardless. 

Biopsy Day

Biopsy Day. Started very early to be at The Christ Hospital at 6 am. It went exceptionally well and I’m claiming another answer to specific prayer. As the nurse prepped me for the biopsy, she explained how I’d be twilight sedated so I could hear instruments and talking and feel pressure. Also I’d feel pain from the initial injection to numb me. I talked to Dr Paik, the radiologist doing the biopsy about my concern with needles and I’m not sure what he did or if my body just took to it well but I never felt a thing. Praise the Lord!! It’s midnight and I still feel nothing at the injection site!!!

Then to the pulmonologist and I was pretty out of it from the sedation still. I can say that I walked away from that appointment not feeling very hopeful. She showed me comparisons of my lungs from 2020 to this week.  Explained that of the medications don’t work they’ll have to drain my lungs palliatively over and over until they cannot. 

Other than that, I got to chat with my Aunt Ro on video for the first time since all this started. Tears and laughter seems to be a common theme. We both managed a smile for the camera though. 

Dear dear friends and former coworkers came for a lovely visit too. Love these ladies! Thank you for your time tonight Jess and Courtney. We worked together for 10 years and I’m thankful that our friendship goes far beyond work. 

Speaking of work family, my current peeps keep sending me thoughtful gifts including this tonight. My buddy Topher drew this caricature of John and me. We will cherish that forever!

 My sweet son and Sarah Marie came by to just be with me and they helped me tremendously by juicing for the next few days as we travel to Tennessee for John’s work conference. 

Then one of my dearest kindred spirit besties finally was able to come for a visit and she serves both John and me like Jesus. Words don’t come to me to express the profound love I have for this lady. 

Then to top it all off, John played his last Huff n Puff hockey game only to take a slap shot to the top of his big toe and he’s pretty sure it’s broken. We are quite the pair tonight. 

And we still hold space for joy that we were given today to live life to the fullest! 

Breathless

This is a day of miraculous answered prayer and radical love by so many!

I must share what God did today to lift my spirits and give me such a display of crazy love! 

To start, my cousins Pam and Todd came in from Illinois for a couple nights to help with whatever was needed. Cooked, cleaned, shopped, took down our gazebo, loved and laughed, etc! These dear ones hold a sacred place in my heart. 

Then my dear friend and sister in Christ came by with flowers and a song. Does it get any sweeter than this?!

Then the big BIG answer to my and others specific prayer that the second hormone blocking medication I am being prescribed would be approved, affordable and come quickly. I was told it could cost $5000/mo and take 1-2 weeks to get approved but within a couple hours IT WAS APPROVED, WILL COST $0 and WILL BE OVER NIGHT SHIPPED HERE TOMORROW!! For this I’m so so thankful because I’ve really noticed a significant decrease in my breathing stamina so I’m hoping this will help stop the cancer cells from continuing to invade my lungs. 

I got to finally talk via video with two of my most kindred spirit friends and sister in law, Wendy T and Debbie K.  There truly is none like them. Everyone needs people like them in their life!

 My adoring and amazing team at work have set up a system where every day they’re dropping off a special gift. Tonight my dear friend and boss gifted me with a beautiful cross decoration and a daily blessing Journal. I love you guys. Thank you, Nicole! These two prayed over me and delivered the cooler of goodies! 

Lastly I got to spend a short visit with my son, Love, again. And I was thankful to talk to my daughter and sisters and mom today. My phone doesn’t stop with multiple encouraging texts, blessings, prayers and words of encouragement. Everyone EVERYONE i feel so loved my heart could burst!!! 

It’s my hope that each person whom ever hears my story or reads my blog will know they are deeply loved by God and that you’d call upon Jesus as your Savior. Let this never be about me but rather about your precious and wondrous relationship with our Creator. I know God is more than able to use my humble little life to show others about His mercy and forgiveness. I was blessed today to hear that a dear friend of ours, Tim, who doesn’t really ever talk about his faith was moved to pray for me. THAT is my miracle!! That is knowing my life has meaning and purpose. 

TOMORROW is my biopsy. Praying for comfort and precision and safety in the surgery. With my O2 and breathing issues I am prayerful that it will be successful. 

Now off to cuddle the best husband on earth! 

Lots of Love

This day began with some great physical rib cage pain that was so intense throughout the night that I called the oncologist office for pain medication. But here’s the miracle, after I got up I actually didn’t need any muscle relaxer because God answered out prayers! 

The day was filled with joyful moments from scenery outside to friends and family visiting. I realize that so many beloved friends from my 55 year lifetime can be very emotional.  I know with my serious physical condition there’s the thought that people need to visit ’one last time’ and while it might be true, it doesn’t feel like that as we talk and laugh. I believe God is still healing me despite statistics. And I also acknowledge that I get winded just to walk up the stairs and know things aren’t right as I struggle to breathe normally after only slight exertion.

Tomorrow I’ll be asking some questions about the biopsy but for now it’s been a blessed day on many levels! Prayer warriors praying with me, singing over me, holding space for me, texting me, calling me and I’m thankful beyond measure.

I cried this morning at the beauty of the sound of this waterfall at Clifton Gorge with my husband. Oh how I love waterfalls! I long to hear hundreds more!

Dear friends, Mike and Andrea brought hours of love, laughter, some tears, daffodils, gifts and crème brûlée pie (she knows me well as I love dessert first however it’ll be shared for my visitors to enjoy as I’ve eliminated sugar, sodium, alcohol and processed foods from my diet but it was just lovely eating it vicariously through my friends!)

Deb and I got to sit together while our husbands Mountain bike these trails at John Bryan. We soaked in the sun. Normally I’d be the lead rider amongst John, Trace and me but not anymore. Not now anyway. I can’t wait for the miracle of breath and health when I can mountain bike again. 

Then to just be with this saint, Doni! To those who know her, there just isn’t an explanation of what a precious woman this is. She has a servants heart that I want to emulate. 

 

My prayer requests today are for the Rx drug, Ibrance to be readily approved on Monday and affordable so it can be shipped immediately without delay, and that my body will utilize these drugs to help me breathe very quickly.

Praising Jesus in this for all the opportunity to share His goodness, forgiveness, mercy and love. There is no other name by which I’m saved! I’m so so blessed!

A Beautiful Saturday

Saturday was a little more difficult for me physically. There has been a pressure and pain in my right rib cage around my right breast that hasn’t subsided like it had in the past. To take in a breath it feels like something is impeding that space within my rib cage and lung. And my breathing had lots more moments of duress. 

Other than that, my day was filled with so many blessings: the loving arms of my husband gently wrapped around me, praying over me, lovingly rubbing soothing gel on me and serving me tenderly. 

The doorbell rang and I received a beautiful bouquet of flowers from Scott and Lori.

Then my dear sister friend, Lynn, sent me the most beautiful audio message about how I’ve impacted her life which is truly nothing short of divine. It made me weep tears of gratitude that God showed me, again, how He has used me to make a difference for Him! 

The list of blessings goes on and on today: video calls with more friends and family, texts from old friends, plans for family and friends to come visit me, rejoicing with my sister about answered prayer, laughing with my daughter, a walk in the woods, sitting in the sunshine and lastly, worshiping with Deb and Trace as she graciously sang me a song that lifted me up 6 years ago at the first diagnosis and it did again tonight. 

So much joy while at the same time I’m reminded of the frailty of life. I’m so thankful I can praise my heavenly Father in the midst of this. 

My friend Katie sent me this song today saying she sang it over me. It touched me deeply on many levels. https://youtu.be/Viiw6tGimHo

So even now as I type this in my bed at 1 am I cry out to God with the pain increasing and at the same time worshipping a God who knows me, loves me and will never leave me. 

Counting My Blessings

Woke up and my friend Liz called and informed me that she will be calling every morning to read a Psalm to me and pray over me. 

My mountain biking friend and Shred Sister, Brenda, whom I’ve never personally met contacted me and shared her heart and concern for what I’m going through and asked if everyday she could contact me to look at all the things I’m grateful for and let me know that as a community of mountain biking ladies, they are there for me through this whole thing!

Went to my husband’s mens Bible study group and asked these dear brothers to pray for me and as we held hands in a circle I could sense God’s love flowing through us. 

Lots and lots of calls, texts and visits from those dear souls all day. Those whom I love deeply and we cried, prayed, and as with my sweet Michaelah, drank organic carrot juice and sat out in the sunshine together and we’re fully present living a precious moment in time together. 

The family of fox pups (7) came out from under our shed and provided the gift of seeing God’s creation in a unique and special way. We first noticed them a couple days after this all started last week and get to watch them frolicking and playing 2-3 times a day! What a treat!

My son knocked on my door and embraced me for the best mama hug and I got to bury my head on his chest and we weeped together. I got to explain everything going on, showed him the PET scan images especially of my lungs and he loving listened and took it all in with grace then informed me that no matter what happens to me, he will be ok and he knows I’m with him all the time and always will be. 

Then on to the medical portion of the day, I spoke to The James Cancer Center and reviewed my images. It’s here where I’ll get my second opinion after the biopsy is done. The biopsy got scheduled for this upcoming Tuesday through The Christ Hospital.

I was able to monitor my pulse/oxygen throughout the day and my resting pulse ran high 91-108 and my oxygen ran low 90-96. The rib pain was slightly present most of the day but at least my butt cheeks are somewhat less tender from the initial dose of medication, Faslodex. 

My day ended with receiving these stunning flowers! I think this must be the most beautiful flower ever! Thank you Liz!! 

A Really Sad Day AND God is Still Good

 The information I’m sharing today is probably going to shock you as it has us. These past 24 hours I’ve cried more tears of sadness for all my cherished family and friends as I’ve had to make the hardest phone calls. If I didn’t call you, it isn’t because I didn’t want to see you or talk, I just got a point of emotional exhaustion for one day. Here is what happened on 4/21/22 in my world. 

My very kind and loving husband drove me to The Christ Hospital for my PET/CT scan. Shout out a young student in charge of my injection and he was so gentle that I told him it was the best ‘stick’ I’ve ever had. Here is a photo of my first Angel of the day. 

On the way home we received THE call. Emma from Dr Cody’s call and shared that the cancer was detected throughout my entire body: lymph nodes, bones including the entire spinal column and hips, liver and lungs. This cancer is not easy to detect with normal blood markers which is why it wasn’t found earlier. Evidently it’s not new and has been in my system a long time. The only reason we found it is because it’s finally advanced enough to affect my breathing. My lungs don’t have just a tumor rather the cancer cells have clogged the entire lymphatic system in both my lungs. 

Dr Cody was so concerned at the seriousness of my condition that he said we were starting treatment TODAY. With my lungs being a vital organ, I could literally be unable to breathe in a short period of time if not treated immediately. And only God knows my day and hour when He’ll escort me Home, it sounded like this type of cancer especially in my lungs as fully as it is, typically doesn’t give most people much time on Earth. So we decided to thank God for today, love deeply, show grace readily, and know that God has me here to simply share His Good News to those who will listen.

Dr Cody had some of his staff stay late to see me. I was the only patient in the entire office. He is a gentle man that is very knowledgeable and tender hearted. I’m very thankful for this kind man who has the unpleasant job of delivering this kind of news.

He explained everything to John and me, answered our questions and got a couple more Angels to get my blood drawn for tests. Caroline, administered  2 shots in my buttocks which is going to block estrogen to basically stop the cells from growing. There are 2 other medications he is ordering that I should have next week. So one oral medication and two drugs administered as shots in my muscles. Caroline did a great job doing a very hard job. Thankfully the Lord made it all very tolerable. I hummed ‘What Child Is This’ while she pushed the thick meds into my bum. My other Angel John Wonderly gently rubbed my back as she did it. 

Next came the hardest part of this day besides seeing my husband hear the news…calling my kids, parents, sisters, boss and a couple friends. I won’t go into it but I’ve cried more tears today than I have in a long time and my sweet sweet hubby held me and cried with me through it all. 

He made me a lovely dinner and we both dropped into bed holding each other and I’m being thankful for this faithful, humble, compassionate best friend a wife could ever ask for.