First, it's 2:24 a.m. and I have not fallen asleep yet, nor do I feel tired. Oh boy do steroids keep me up!
The best part of my day on Monday was how well I tolerated the Abraxane chemo drug again. And because I went solo, I had time to visit with a couple other awesome battling Warriors, Karen and Jen, while receiving treatment. And God reminded me of just how different each and every person undergoing cancer treatment is so unique, both in attitude, personality, and diagnosis/treatment/prognosis. In fact, Karen and I have chatted several times and found some comfort and familiarity in that our journey has been almost exactly the same...Stage 2 Invasive Ductile Carcinoma ER/PR + and HER -. Our treatment is almost exactly the same and we even have our last chemo on the same date! It's easy to say, "Hey, did you have this or that happen?" Then , I was introduced to Jen. She has been in the chemo salon before but I had not talked to her. I finally had the privilege of meeting this amazing woman. She was diagnosed last year with Stage 4 breast cancer. I learned that she already had round 1 of chemo, then double mastectomy, and radiation. So when she was receiving chemo AGAIN, I asked why that was. Then I learned the shocking and difficult thing to hear and digest (even for someone that already HAS breast cancer!) which is that this 33ish year old mom is terminal, will have chemo for the REST OF HER LIFE, and has little ones at home. She discovered she had breast cancer when she was nursing her newborn and thought she had mastitis! The part that caused me to pause, is how her attitude soared, her countenance was peaceful and hopeful, and she was so easy to talk to. Yet the whole time, I realized that even I wondered what to say and thought I needed to be sensitive about how I ask or phrase things. See, it was so much easier chatting freely with Karen because we are in the same boat. Yet, how must that same reality be for those who do not have/nor ever had cancer? Probably could be the same internal caution when talking to me, wondering what's ok to ask or not, wondering if I will be offended by someone's questions, hoping they didn't cause me to feel upset by their questions. Well, I'm here to say that it's just lovely that people ask! I know I'm an open book when it comes to asking and answering questions and not everyone is, yet, it's so much more humane and thoughtful to at least have conversations about how someone is doing, what they are going through, and just saying something to us vs. ignoring a person or never taking a few minutes to let them know you care about them or will pray for them. This was my lesson for the day. Thank you, Jen, for helping me grow as a person internally and I now realize that fear of what others might think of me is far less important than letting others know THAT they think of me!
When I finished my treatment I stopped by to visit a couple friends, Courtney and the gang at the Lebanon dental office and Susan Muterspaw. We yucked it up a long while and decided that Thursday we are going fishing in their pond! Just the two of us. It should get comical since she informed me she does not take fish off hooks, nor cleans them. I guess I have my work cut out for me and if we can stop laughing at each other long enough to actually catch fish, I'll be impressed!
As I cut the grass Monday evening, I listened to the first sermon in a series that my church started on Sunday on the Old Testament book, Exodus. Had a very solid start. I appreciate how Josh teaches from Scripture and can make something like an antiquated book so relevant. Since I choose not to go to church these days to keep away from so many germs, I find that listening to audio books and sermons along with Pandora worship music is a good substitute for now. Feel free to listen if it floats your boat. http://iamreddoor.org/sermons/exodus/
After that sermon ended, I cranked up my Pandora station named "King of My Heart" and as familiar songs played, I sang at the top of my lungs since the lawn mower is loud and I'm sure my voice was somewhat muffled, but honestly, I did not really care. I literally was so full of praise and even came inside and continued as I raised my hands in worship to such an amazingly loving and tender Father. Worship is so good for my soul.
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