It's gloomy outside today. I can relate. I'm feeling schleppy today. There is no specific reason I can point to, so I blame cloudy, grey, wet, cold weather, my newest brain fog from chemo and steroids, and my hormones in a perpetual state of degradation.
I have noticed some really crazy thought processes I've had right after getting chemo that is beginning to scare me a little. Like the time I was driving in Illinois a couple months ago and turned on a country road where there were no other cars around and I literally couldn't figure out what side of the road I was supposed to be on, so I sat in the middle of this quiet road and called my husband and had to humbly ask, "Don't ask why...just tell me what side of the road I'm supposed to be driving on." Ugh. That was a bizarre moment and hasn't happened since, but I remember thinking that my cognitive processes were definitely affected for a brief moment in a way that was really strange.
Then just this week, another moment like that happened again, but not with driving. John and I were driving home in separate cars and he asked me to pull out the garbage can from the garage before I pulled in. Well, I decided to drive to our mailbox first allowing him to pull in first. In my mind, I figured he would grab the garbage can. When I did pull in, I grabbed the recycling bin and walked it to the curb. Then once we got inside, I asked him if he grabbed the garbage can and he looked at me with shock and concern and informed me that I had literally just taken the garbage can to the curb before bringing the recycling bin down. I thought he was kidding at first, but after many interrogating questions, I realized that I simply did not remember doing it even though it was less than 3 minutes earlier.
Today I would say that my brain feels similar to when I've had too much espresso. It's pinging and I'm having a challenging time feeling calm or focusing on one thing. My vision is even affected and when I came out of the grocery store this afternoon, I couldn't find my car despite the few cars in the parking lot. When I went up to the only white car in the lot, I was a little freaked out when I realized it indeed was mine! It looked smaller than what I remembered my car being, so I didn't think it was my car until I saw the license plate. I think I need to just stay home and color or something.
I suppose it's better than feeling nauseated, in discomfort, or flu-like. Yet, I would say that it's a concern and I know I'm not the only one who has been noticing as John and I talked about it the other night. He shared his concerns so gently with me, trying not to make me feel badly. And yet he really is noticing the changes in my personality, focus, and forgetfulness, too.
Because of that, I did call my oncologist today and asked about it and they assured me that it's totally expected and normal and they called it chemo brain. I personally called the brain pain when I had the first chemo drugs "chemo brain", but I guess there are lots of displays this chemo brain can have. I was glad to know that they said that eventually it will dissipate after the chemo is done.
Other than that symptom, I do have a little neuropathy on my feet where my heels feel a little numb and tingly, but again, it's no biggie.
I am looking forward to this weekend as we will be hanging our hammocks for the first time this year! We will enjoy peak fall colors and good friends and hopefully take my mind off of my crazy mind.
So all in all, I feel good and my attitude is generally awesome, however, today I was in a funk.
1 comment:
It may also be menopause brain too. I can relate to all your incidents during and post menopause.
Post a Comment