The Comfort of My Father’s Voice

Today I was definitely in a better place than yesterday morning. After spending a couple hours reading, praying and talking to a dear friend, I decided to get some fresh air. 

Brooklyn’s kids were in school and both Brooklyn and Daniel were working today so I had most of the day to myself. Brooklyn kindly offered me the use of her e-bike. 

There is a lake nearby their house in Colorado and a large prairie grassy area with a 3 mile loop for bikes and walkers. I spent a couple hours riding all around and taking in the beauty. I have never ridden a pedal assisted bike before, but it sure does come in handy when going up hills!

 

I found that the time alone & beauty of the sunshine and mountains helped put me in a place of quiet conversation with God. As I was thinking about yesterday’s blog, I realized that I had a question I hadn’t really asked God… And that was, “Why is this happening?” I didn’t want to sound like I questioned His sovereignty, as if I was lacking in trusting, or like I believed God was unaware or incapable of making my body completely healed. However, I genuinely tried to understand the why. Why me? Why cancer? Why again? Not that I blame God for it. I am certain He’s very aware and knew from the beginning of time that this was my journey. It’s just that I wondered the why of it all.  

I continued to ride and breathe in deeply the fresh fall mountain air. Then in my mind I believe God sweetly and gently answered me. 

If I hadn’t been given a stage 4 terminal cancer diagnosis, I’d definitely still be working every day and not looking out at these majestic mountains! I would be dealing with the unhealthy stress that comes with work and the demands of schedules and production and people that are absorbed in their world of profits. Instead…I’m not working! And I’m visiting more family and friends than ever & I also get my disability insurance that I’ve paid into for the past 10 years to cover my living costs.

I hike and ride my bike and don’t have to work every day. I am financially taken care of and I get to visit family and friends. And I’m feeling great, all things considered! 

So instead of living in fear of the future, I was reminded to live in gratitude of the present. 

Then tonight I got to watch Norah and Malachi while Brooklyn and Daniel went out on a date. We read a book, listened to Christmas music, baked snickerdoodles and played a game! We danced and laughed! And we lived in the moment celebrating life!

Tonight is my last night here in Colorado and I’m headed home in the morning. It’s been adventurous, relaxing and I’ve come to terms with everything, at least for now. God is faithful and I am thankful.