October 31, 2016 Chemo Brain Again

When I blogged last week, I accurately described my 'chemo brain fog' and by last Thursday evening, I would say it was gone and our weekend camping in Red River Gorge was wonderful! The weather was perfect, the friends were delightful, the adventure was full of laughs and thrills as we had our maiden voyage on our John Deere Gator and rode the trails around the hills, pond, rocks, and forested areas near our friend's cabin. Then we topped off each night and early morning with a camp fire and good conversation and relaxation, followed by sleeping under the stars in our hammocks. I would say it was a perfect weekend!

Today, before my chemo appointment, I met with a friend and business partner who is working with a company to help facilitate healthy cultures within companies, especially family owned and operated ones. They are potentially working with offices in the dental industry, as well as, medical and manufacturing, etc., and it piqued my interest to learn more about how they operate. I will pray that God will open doors that He wants me to walk through, whether it be clinical dentistry or something else. Once I complete all my cancer treatments and shoulder surgery, I hope to hop right back in to dental hygiene, but my boss wisely informed me to keep my eyes and ears open for how work might look for me if clinical dentistry cannot be done. I hope and anticipate that dental hygiene is what I will do until I retire, but I need to be open minded to how God plans on using my skills, passion, and abilities post treatment should it look different than what I plan.  I am keeping open minded. One fact I must bear in mind is my chemo brain. Supposedly it goes away, but I recently learned that it may not for years! So, again, I am letting God drive this train and I will need to watch it unfold in the coming months.

Then at 11:20 am I went to my 'chemo salon' and met with Dr. Cody and got my weekly dose of Abraxane and anti-nausea meds with steroids. I really like him as a medical oncologist. He lowered my steroid dose today considering I informed him that last week I was up until 5:30 a.m. after chemo!! The administering of the meds today was easy, despite the fact that I forgot to put my topical anesthetic cream on my port access beforehand. The nurse used a topical spray and I freaked out a little before, but was pleasantly surprised at how it really did not hurt at all that way. While I got my chemo, I will say I quickly realized that jittery feeling was back. Again, it's like I had too much caffeine and I'm buzzing. My thinking and processing is affected, my vision is affected and my personality feels different. I feel impatient and 'off'. Thankfully, my week is going to be easy for the next few days. Nothing major planned until Thursday when I'm supposed to have CPR training at work. I literally have to think about everything I'm doing to make sure I am not forgetting anything. I feel scatter-brained.

Unfortunately, I read an article on Wikipedia that stated that there is a real risk of a condition called PCCI (post chemotherapy cognitive impairment) that is found in breast cancer survivors who had high dosing chemo and are pre-menopausal. Great. I was mostly all three but am currently having a hot flash as I type, so I'm not too pre-menopausal! Some people have this chemo brain for YEARS following chemo. God, I would like it if I did not. Please pray for me that it will all go away following my next and last chemo on November 7th!!!

So, yes, let's talk about next Monday. It is my LAST chemo appointment. Of course I'm very thankful, however, again today I met another lady who sat next to me while I had my appointment and she was another stage 4 breast cancer patient. She is my age, 50. She looks great and is on her 2nd bout of cancer treatments, but she will have chemo FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE! So, while I'm very thankful to know I am done with chemo, I am heavy-hearted for those ladies I've met who will never be done. She is a Christian and has a great attitude, but still, I realize it could be any of us in that situation.  In fact, I asked Dr. Cody today to confirm that my cancer really isn't even given an final stageing. He agreed. Until my surgery, I won't know my real stage of breast cancer. Right now, it's 2A, but that won't be fully known until the end of November when I have my surgery.

I think tonight will be best if I just turn on a movie, take a Benadryl, and try to sleep. I also just realized that I forgot to pick up Benadryl, so now I'm hoping that I will just sleep at some point in the night.

I'll be praying for those people God puts on my heart.