As I sit on my couch...ALL DAY and contemplate what to write right now, I can't believe I'm in my 90th day already since all this started.
First, let me just get it out there...chemo sucks!
I've had zero energy all day and that means I've been sitting/lying on my couch so far from 8 am until 8 pm. That's 12 hours of feeling like dog doo doo and can't really do anything but wait for it to pass. I am thankful that I have not suffered with what I call chemo brain much at all yesterday or today. Mostly I am feeling what might be best compared to the stomach flu. Thankfully, I'm not vomiting, but I make many visits to the bathroom! My tummy still feels all topsy turvy and unsettled. I get slightly hungry but no food sounds great. I tried talking to my Tricia-sitters, and half the time realized I fell asleep. But they are gracious and rolled with it.
Today I had the joy of one of my patients, Sue B. who came to stay with me all morning and we had a really nice visit. I'm amazed at how God puts just the right people in my life at the right time. Then this afternoon, my amazing friend and co-worker, Jen, came and she made me cinnamon cassava bread and it was delicious! Now the house is quiet, everyone, including John is gone and I am ready to eat something, but nothing sounds good.
I'm tired of looking at Facebook. I'm tired of listening to music. I'm tired of feeling the effects of chemo. I have that constant feeling of malaise, nausea, and boredom all at the same time. I have no interest or energy to do anything other than lay on this couch.
But I need to remember to find joy, to pray without ceasing, and give thanks in all things. I must contemplate that more. Soon, I'll feel better and I will have this day behind me.
I would say this...if you have a friend or family member who has cancer and is undergoing chemo, please check in on them. It's a lonely time. Sometimes I think of all the people in my life when I was well and how connected I felt to them, but now that I'm off the grid and not present with them as much, I'm saddened at how so many people have not even texted, called, visited, or even sent a card to see how I am doing. And I'm talking about people who I thought would definitely be there for me. So, just saying...when someone is going through an illness, please take a few minutes of your time and touch base with them if you actually care about them at all. If you don't care about them...then it's already obvious, but if you do, let them know. Life with chemo makes you feel really disgusting, disconnected, and it's the little things people do that help so much to say, " I care."
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