So after such a lovely week of feeling chipper, John and I lazed in bed ALL morning just cuddling and talking. I treasure these moments when I feel well and know I'm so loved just the way I am. I am very thankful that he can hold me in his arms and tell me how much he loves me. We briefly talked about my upcoming lumpectomy that I'll have after chemo. Just out of curiosity, I Googled "Breast Cancer Lumpectomy" and began viewing the multitude of images. I began to feel sick to my stomach and overwhelmed with sadness and it was just too much to take in. Literally, it depressed me and I couldn't shake it. Tears gently flowed from my eyes as I imagined my body being disfigured by surgery. So my word of strong advice is to NOT look at images on Google when you have a disease! Seeing those pictures of so many women and the mutilation of their beautiful bodies was angering. I hate cancer!
Then I couldn't stand the negative, sadness anymore so I got up, showered, put on one of my pretty new turbans, applied a little make up, and big funky earrings and John and I had a lovely lunch together and I'm feeling better now.
Tonight we have friends coming for dinner, Trace and Deb Slanaker. Deb is a recent leukemia survivor and we have much to talk about, plus she is the most positive cancer survivor I've known, considering she almost died several times with her aggressive treatment. I'm looking forward to their time in my home as we will share a mutual burden, and yet, we both are putting our trust in God for our identity and future hope, regardless of what happens to either of us.
I think the gloomy weather is part of my gloomy feeling today. I think I want sunshine now.
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