Day 59 FREEDOM on July 4th

I woke up this morning wondering how long until my hair falls out. Of course, I was hoping that with all my nutritional supplements and healthy eating choices for the past several weeks, I just might be that 1 % that does not lose my hair with this specific chemotherapy. So, I looked up online how long until I can expect to see my long brown hair begin exfoliating and most people said between 10-17 days. Today would be day 14 since my first chemo infusion.

As per our normal daily routine, John sweetly washes and conditions my hair every day as we shower. Today was no exception. I will say that my head did feel a little more tender/sensitive than usual, but it's not much different than when I wear a pony tail for a couple days without washing it and my 'hair hurts'. He gently scrubbed and it still felt kinda tender, but then after a minute, it felt good and I did not see anything crazy happening. But, BUT when I did the final rinse of conditioner, I noticed a huge wad of tangled hair at the ends and I immediately knew. This was the beginning of the balding. I wasn't upset, really. I expected it. I am prepared for it. My wig is ordered (for those days I just want hair) and I have some pretty turbans ready to wear, thanks to Janet Busick, Gayle Pluta and Cindy Ashby. These ladies wasted no time getting them to me and boy am I thankful today! Why?  Because tonight is special. Think Braveheart...FREEDOM!

My sweet friend, Liz Pieniasek, who lost her husband, Jordan, to the tragic motorcycle accident on May 1st, offered to shave my head when it was 'time' using Jordo's clippers (as he shaved his head daily).  Well, I knew it was time. I called Liz and she smartly suggested a shaving party. Well, since it's July 4th, a day of celebrating our freedom, I decided to invite some friends for a Red Warrior Shaving Party. So tonight, I will experience freedom from my hair for several months.

I remember a couple weeks ago how God put on my heart that when my head is  bald, it will be exposed and vulnerable...just the way He loves my heart to be toward Him. I will wear my vulnerability and be reminded of how God wants my attitude to be...exposed and vulnerable. This humble visual demonstration needs to be recontextualized from something that could easily upset me to something that God can use to make me more Christ-like.

So, tonight I will no longer have long, dark brown hair. In fact, I may never have brown hair ever again as I understand that hair usually grows in curly and gray. I don't plan on coloring it ever again, so another chapter in life slips by.

Lord please remind me of this verse....

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

I will admit that while I'm mostly accepting of this, I do have some anxiety. At least I'll have some of my closest friends nearby supporting me.

Before they get here, I think I'll go make love to my lover one last time with long brown hair. 

It's almost midnight now and the Red Warrior Shaving Party is over. Had lots of fun and I did well with it. Heck, I kinda like it! Now please pray for tomorrow. It's #2 chemo day.