Happy Dance chemo report! Monday was #3 of 12 treatments. Again, it was easy and I've had no side effects...other than the total buzz feeling from the steroids that are in the cocktail. Literally I was up til 2 a.m.t this morning, and still wasn't tired. If I got 3 hours of sleep last night, that would be a surprise. I am still going strong even today, so whenever these steroids finally wear off, I might sleep for a couple days to catch up on my needed rest.
I am very thankful for Graham Binder who graciously gave me his entire day yesterday. Not only did he lovingly serve me by transporting me to chemo, but hung out with me all day and did a bunch of chores around the house. His love for the Lord oozes out of him and I am blessed to be a recipient of such a joyful young man's hospitality.
Thankfully since I'm feeling so great, I can continue living life somewhat normally. I had decent white blood cell count yesterday too, so that is a praise! Still, I am being careful around crowds.
With next weekend being Labor Day, I won't get my next chemo treatment until Tuesday.
I'm hoping my insurance company gets my billing straightened out. Supposedly they are saying that one of my mammograms, the 3D one, was 'experimental' and that some of my chemo treatments are 'not covered' in my plan. If that's the case, it looks like I could be looking at being responsible for over $16,000 of totally unexpected expenses so far. Please pray that this is not the case. I'm not stressing yet, because I trust it's just an error, but I never trust insurance companies much.
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
Saturday, August 27, 2016
Day August 27, 2016 Forgetting To Blog Is A Good Thing
As the good days roll on, I realize that blogging isn't part of my day to day thoughts anymore. That's a good thing. When I don't struggle like before, when biopsies, needles, nausea, and chemo brain aren't part of my every waking thought, I can just live. Since Monday's chemo, I have continued feeling great!
This week I even started walking a mile every morning and am loving it! I walk and listen to my audiobook and walk. Still listening to The Ragamuffin Gospel. A very good read. No, an EXCELLENT read! I am thankful for the author and his similar background as I feel I relate to his word choices, his examples, his past experiences and vulnerable present growing experiences on a level that strongly resonates with me. It's a bit 'heady' but I love the challenge. It actually makes me think of a few folks that I will share this with as they may love it as much as me.
As I said earlier, I did have some funky itching/tingling in my face and sinuses but it's not a complaint, just an observation. Hot flashes are a regular part of my days again, too, but that isn't necessarily from the chemo, just being 49 and kinda menopausal. Oh, joy. It just has me putting my turbans off and on constantly. Most of the time I just go au naturale. My bald head is even getting a nice tan. (Crazy side note...I wasn't sure how to spell au naturale, so I Googled it and guess what I found? An amazing new company from Green Bay, WI that makes beautiful non-toxic make up! Oh, Yes! Think Christmas gift card, mom! :)
This upcoming Monday I do have my ride arrangement to my chemo appointment all set up (thank you, Graham Binder!), and I am hoping to continue feeling pretty great all next week. So if anyone wants to come for a visit, I am open to company! I don't 'need' folks to Tricia-sit anymore during the week until surgery, but I do need a ride to my chemo appointments. If anyone has time on Mondays and can pick me up, hang out for a few hours in West Chester, then drop me off at home, I still will need a ride for several more weeks. I can't say it's 'fun' but I do love the gift of the company I have had for the past 6 chemo treatments. God has provided so bountifully!
This week I even started walking a mile every morning and am loving it! I walk and listen to my audiobook and walk. Still listening to The Ragamuffin Gospel. A very good read. No, an EXCELLENT read! I am thankful for the author and his similar background as I feel I relate to his word choices, his examples, his past experiences and vulnerable present growing experiences on a level that strongly resonates with me. It's a bit 'heady' but I love the challenge. It actually makes me think of a few folks that I will share this with as they may love it as much as me.
As I said earlier, I did have some funky itching/tingling in my face and sinuses but it's not a complaint, just an observation. Hot flashes are a regular part of my days again, too, but that isn't necessarily from the chemo, just being 49 and kinda menopausal. Oh, joy. It just has me putting my turbans off and on constantly. Most of the time I just go au naturale. My bald head is even getting a nice tan. (Crazy side note...I wasn't sure how to spell au naturale, so I Googled it and guess what I found? An amazing new company from Green Bay, WI that makes beautiful non-toxic make up! Oh, Yes! Think Christmas gift card, mom! :)
This upcoming Monday I do have my ride arrangement to my chemo appointment all set up (thank you, Graham Binder!), and I am hoping to continue feeling pretty great all next week. So if anyone wants to come for a visit, I am open to company! I don't 'need' folks to Tricia-sit anymore during the week until surgery, but I do need a ride to my chemo appointments. If anyone has time on Mondays and can pick me up, hang out for a few hours in West Chester, then drop me off at home, I still will need a ride for several more weeks. I can't say it's 'fun' but I do love the gift of the company I have had for the past 6 chemo treatments. God has provided so bountifully!
Wednesday, August 24, 2016
Day August 24, 2016 Taking Advantage of Steroids and Sharing Spiritual Lessons Learned
All is good here still! Had chemo on Monday and 2 days later I still feel great! I know there are steroids in the cocktail I get with my chemo, and while I have that energy, I will use it!
Yesterday I made cassava pitas (not my favorite), mowed the grass, cleaned my deck, Windexed my glass tables outside in the gazebo, did a load of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, talked to a couple dear friends and had company for dinner! Now I know most people do those things without thinking about it, but when it was all I could do to walk up and down the stairs for the first 4 doses of chemo and only have energy to get a little sustenance in me, these days are worth celebrating! Joy in the little things.
Unfortunately, I keep waking up at 4 a.m. and amble downstairs and plop into the Wilderness Room couch and read or scour Facebook until I fall asleep. But since I am not working, it does not really matter because I can just nap whenever I want to! It just means less cuddle time with my amazing hubby.
So while I am not complaining, I will say that I do feel a bit of the chemo today, but it's more like a tingling or itching in my face and sinuses.
I am aware that my white blood cell count will be taking a hit now that I'm not on Neulasta, so I want to continue being careful. Unfortunately, I sliced off 1/3 of my fingernail the other evening while chopping basil for dinner. Thankfully, it has not hurt (miracle) but I do know that my body is in repair mode because of that and I really don't have extra white blood cells for that kind of stuff. I will ask my oncologist about getting some Neulasta at my next dose. (I feel like I said that in the last blog...oh well). But if I don't get more Neulasta, I will likely have less and less of a wbc count each week.
Spiritually, I'm in a great space still. I continue to read or listen to books on hoopla, which is a free library website. I continue to be in prayer constantly for so many folks and I continue to be reminded of my gift of a more realistic viewpoint on my situation. This Life is short. Make the most of it. Live for Christ...it's all there really is living for anyway in light of our real life...eternity. Don't waste time in useless activities. Live on purpose. Understand your purpose. Don't be too attached to your circumstances as if you are in control, but allow God to be your reason, your purpose, your all in all.
When I have the opportunity to share some of the most valuable lessons I am learning through all this it usually focuses on these points: Trust God's promises. They are true. He is closer than we may realize and He has a plan for each and every person. His love for us is crazy awesome! Don't view difficulties and 'tragedies' as something not usable or worth our time. It's in the valleys that we can choose to grow and inspire and can find our real selves. For me, it's in my valley that I realized that God can use anything, even cancer, to allow me to feel more free to share His goodness, His love, His desire to be in our lives, His plan for us, and how faith in Him is something worth living for. This Life is so short. Sometimes I can't wait to be home. Until then, I won't back off what I've learned. He is real, true, and closer than I ever realized. I just needed to slow down and look.
Also, I have learned not to be so caught up in my flesh. I don't mean the Christian-eze 'flesh', but the skin, the looks, the attachment to my body. In fact, I realized something recently...I don't have cancer...this body that I am residing in does. I am not my flesh. Think of it. When someone dies, we look at their body and say, "They are gone. That's not them anymore. It really never was. Our bodies are simply a vessel our spirit resided in while here. We will have another body that will be perfect and that will be our permanent place where our spirit will reside, but this diseased, bald, wrinkling, aging body really is not who I am. So I have let go of my fear of losing it. God has bigger and better plans for me in His own time, and until then, I will take care of this vessel, I will love this vessel, and I will hopefully grow old in this vessel, but I need not be too attached to this vessel. I trust my future to my Father much more now than ever. That's a huge exhale!
Yesterday I made cassava pitas (not my favorite), mowed the grass, cleaned my deck, Windexed my glass tables outside in the gazebo, did a load of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, talked to a couple dear friends and had company for dinner! Now I know most people do those things without thinking about it, but when it was all I could do to walk up and down the stairs for the first 4 doses of chemo and only have energy to get a little sustenance in me, these days are worth celebrating! Joy in the little things.
Unfortunately, I keep waking up at 4 a.m. and amble downstairs and plop into the Wilderness Room couch and read or scour Facebook until I fall asleep. But since I am not working, it does not really matter because I can just nap whenever I want to! It just means less cuddle time with my amazing hubby.
So while I am not complaining, I will say that I do feel a bit of the chemo today, but it's more like a tingling or itching in my face and sinuses.
I am aware that my white blood cell count will be taking a hit now that I'm not on Neulasta, so I want to continue being careful. Unfortunately, I sliced off 1/3 of my fingernail the other evening while chopping basil for dinner. Thankfully, it has not hurt (miracle) but I do know that my body is in repair mode because of that and I really don't have extra white blood cells for that kind of stuff. I will ask my oncologist about getting some Neulasta at my next dose. (I feel like I said that in the last blog...oh well). But if I don't get more Neulasta, I will likely have less and less of a wbc count each week.
Spiritually, I'm in a great space still. I continue to read or listen to books on hoopla, which is a free library website. I continue to be in prayer constantly for so many folks and I continue to be reminded of my gift of a more realistic viewpoint on my situation. This Life is short. Make the most of it. Live for Christ...it's all there really is living for anyway in light of our real life...eternity. Don't waste time in useless activities. Live on purpose. Understand your purpose. Don't be too attached to your circumstances as if you are in control, but allow God to be your reason, your purpose, your all in all.
When I have the opportunity to share some of the most valuable lessons I am learning through all this it usually focuses on these points: Trust God's promises. They are true. He is closer than we may realize and He has a plan for each and every person. His love for us is crazy awesome! Don't view difficulties and 'tragedies' as something not usable or worth our time. It's in the valleys that we can choose to grow and inspire and can find our real selves. For me, it's in my valley that I realized that God can use anything, even cancer, to allow me to feel more free to share His goodness, His love, His desire to be in our lives, His plan for us, and how faith in Him is something worth living for. This Life is so short. Sometimes I can't wait to be home. Until then, I won't back off what I've learned. He is real, true, and closer than I ever realized. I just needed to slow down and look.
Also, I have learned not to be so caught up in my flesh. I don't mean the Christian-eze 'flesh', but the skin, the looks, the attachment to my body. In fact, I realized something recently...I don't have cancer...this body that I am residing in does. I am not my flesh. Think of it. When someone dies, we look at their body and say, "They are gone. That's not them anymore. It really never was. Our bodies are simply a vessel our spirit resided in while here. We will have another body that will be perfect and that will be our permanent place where our spirit will reside, but this diseased, bald, wrinkling, aging body really is not who I am. So I have let go of my fear of losing it. God has bigger and better plans for me in His own time, and until then, I will take care of this vessel, I will love this vessel, and I will hopefully grow old in this vessel, but I need not be too attached to this vessel. I trust my future to my Father much more now than ever. That's a huge exhale!
Monday, August 22, 2016
Day... I Lost Track of Days, So Chemo Day Taxol 2 of 12...or Week 10 of 20 HALF WAY THERE!
It's been a while since I sat down to type on my blogsite. No real reason why I haven't, other than the fact that I've felt really decent and have not had much physical stuff to comment on. Spiritually, things are good. No major revelations or a-haaaa moments, so I've just lived life normally, hopefully like most of you.
I'm still bald and shave my head every other day to keep it smooth and silky. Thanks to Ann Post from www.annmadesoap.com, who graciously gave me some soap and amazing balm I use on my head, I get to use my Neem Balm every time I shave and love the way it feels. Today, while getting my chemo, there were a couple ladies next to me who talked about their hair loss and how they never really shaved it down to the scalp with a razor so the wiry straggler hairs that did not fall out just continued to grow and when they went bald, it definitely looked like they had chemo hair loss cuz there were funky random hairs all over that stuck out. I'm thankful I decided to just use my really nice razor and shave it silky every day or so. I can go bald and not feel conscientious about it at all. And thankfully, John does not mind at all how I wear it. He truly thinks I look great bald, in a turban, or with the wig. That makes things easier.
I have been told that this new drug, Taxol, will still continue hair loss, so it's possible I could lose my eyelashes and eyebrows totally, but that hasn't happened yet. Today I was also informed that I can expect my nails to turn blackish and possibly fall out from it. Eeew. I hope not, but it's not the end of the world. And I was told to expect the neuropathy at some point, as well.
Today my pastor from Red Door is a great friend and he, Josh Lenon, met me at my oncology appointment and sat with me while I had the chemo. We got to talk about some of the Dr. Mary Neal story and some things that were different on a theological level than I had ever understood things. It is always good to talk things out with Josh. And, per my request, he downloaded a bunch of sermons by some of his favorite teachers like NT Wright, Ravi Zacharias, and Timothy Keller, just to name a few for me to listen to. I look forward to spending my free time enriching my spiritual growth. It will be welcomed and I can't wait to dive in! He also gave me a list of books that I might enjoy such as Ragamuffin Gospel, Counterfeit Gods, Prodigal God, Abba's Child, Surprised by Hope, How God Became King, and Simply Jesus. Thankfully, several of these are on audio through my library. So I have my work cut out for me. Finally, a time to feel well enough to take care of myself physically and spiritually.
Since I did in fact get chemo today, I need to respect the fact that my body is reeling chemically, so I will go lay down and rest, even if I don't necessarily feel it. Supposedly, I also got another steroid, so I may be buzzing around for a couple days too. I don't have any plans for friends to come by during the day this week at all, so if anyone wants to stop by for a visit, please text me and let me know.
I'm still bald and shave my head every other day to keep it smooth and silky. Thanks to Ann Post from www.annmadesoap.com, who graciously gave me some soap and amazing balm I use on my head, I get to use my Neem Balm every time I shave and love the way it feels. Today, while getting my chemo, there were a couple ladies next to me who talked about their hair loss and how they never really shaved it down to the scalp with a razor so the wiry straggler hairs that did not fall out just continued to grow and when they went bald, it definitely looked like they had chemo hair loss cuz there were funky random hairs all over that stuck out. I'm thankful I decided to just use my really nice razor and shave it silky every day or so. I can go bald and not feel conscientious about it at all. And thankfully, John does not mind at all how I wear it. He truly thinks I look great bald, in a turban, or with the wig. That makes things easier.
I have been told that this new drug, Taxol, will still continue hair loss, so it's possible I could lose my eyelashes and eyebrows totally, but that hasn't happened yet. Today I was also informed that I can expect my nails to turn blackish and possibly fall out from it. Eeew. I hope not, but it's not the end of the world. And I was told to expect the neuropathy at some point, as well.
Today my pastor from Red Door is a great friend and he, Josh Lenon, met me at my oncology appointment and sat with me while I had the chemo. We got to talk about some of the Dr. Mary Neal story and some things that were different on a theological level than I had ever understood things. It is always good to talk things out with Josh. And, per my request, he downloaded a bunch of sermons by some of his favorite teachers like NT Wright, Ravi Zacharias, and Timothy Keller, just to name a few for me to listen to. I look forward to spending my free time enriching my spiritual growth. It will be welcomed and I can't wait to dive in! He also gave me a list of books that I might enjoy such as Ragamuffin Gospel, Counterfeit Gods, Prodigal God, Abba's Child, Surprised by Hope, How God Became King, and Simply Jesus. Thankfully, several of these are on audio through my library. So I have my work cut out for me. Finally, a time to feel well enough to take care of myself physically and spiritually.
Since I did in fact get chemo today, I need to respect the fact that my body is reeling chemically, so I will go lay down and rest, even if I don't necessarily feel it. Supposedly, I also got another steroid, so I may be buzzing around for a couple days too. I don't have any plans for friends to come by during the day this week at all, so if anyone wants to stop by for a visit, please text me and let me know.
Friday, August 19, 2016
Day 104, 105 Not much to report
I'll keep it short and sweet.
I'm still feeling great after my chemo! No symptoms at all! Very, very thankful!
Visiting some friends and friends visiting me has been my last few day's activities and it's been so pleasant and everyone is so thankful for how much easier this chemo drug has been on me, especially after seeing how awful it was with the other drugs.
I have had the opportunity to continue sharing the gift I received from Dr. Mary Neal and how it has changed me, helped me, and encouraged me. I see the continued ripple effect with many people who I now get to share it with.
I did wake up feeling a bit depressed this morning, but by the end of the day and after spending time with Michaelah S., God helped me through that and I was feeling more normal by the evening. It's possible that the chemo is killing off my estrogen and my hormones may be a little more fragile anyway, so I'm glad that undesirable feeling went away.
Off to watch John and the Binders run the Warrior Dash tomorrow!
I'm still feeling great after my chemo! No symptoms at all! Very, very thankful!
Visiting some friends and friends visiting me has been my last few day's activities and it's been so pleasant and everyone is so thankful for how much easier this chemo drug has been on me, especially after seeing how awful it was with the other drugs.
I have had the opportunity to continue sharing the gift I received from Dr. Mary Neal and how it has changed me, helped me, and encouraged me. I see the continued ripple effect with many people who I now get to share it with.
I did wake up feeling a bit depressed this morning, but by the end of the day and after spending time with Michaelah S., God helped me through that and I was feeling more normal by the evening. It's possible that the chemo is killing off my estrogen and my hormones may be a little more fragile anyway, so I'm glad that undesirable feeling went away.
Off to watch John and the Binders run the Warrior Dash tomorrow!
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
Day 102, 103 Nothing Short Of A Miracle and Thankfulness On My Heart
Wait for it.....
Wait for it....
After my Monday chemotherapy, I wondered what this new drug would do to my body. Would I really feel the side effects less, as the good doctor promised? In all honesty, I was anxious. I hated the idea of walking into that place, getting poked into my port, and awaiting the sensation of the drug pulsing through my brain...like the previous 4 treatments. I even asked the oncologist, specifically, what I could expect. Would I lay on my sofa for days afterwards, listless, and feeling so aweful that I just wanted to crawl into a hole?
And so far....NOTHING! I feel pretty great! Yes, Thank You, Jesus is in order!
I did get drowsy during the treatment on Monday because of the Benadryl infused Taxol, but after that I have had no real side effects. In fact, the steroid that is also in it gave me lots of energy for the first 2 days. So supposedly I am now pretty much feeling what I'll feel. I did need to take a nap for an hour this afternoon, but other than that, I have been awake, relatively energetic (enough to mow the grass this evening), alert, and appreciative.
Yesterday I even went to the YMCA and watched our Special Olympic athletes play floor hockey with John and the Binders. It was my first time back since I started chemo and it was lovely seeing so many smiling faces.
Today I watched Andy Stanley's YouTube videos on marriage and realized how blessed I am. He has a 3 part series called iMarriage and it's a great mini series for anyone who wants to get married, is married, or is thinking about getting married someday.
On a repetitive note, I can't believe how much Dr. Mary Neal's story has touched my life! Seriously, I find myself sharing how her testimony has literally shaped my own perspective on cancer, dying, trusting God, and living on purpose.
Wait for it....
After my Monday chemotherapy, I wondered what this new drug would do to my body. Would I really feel the side effects less, as the good doctor promised? In all honesty, I was anxious. I hated the idea of walking into that place, getting poked into my port, and awaiting the sensation of the drug pulsing through my brain...like the previous 4 treatments. I even asked the oncologist, specifically, what I could expect. Would I lay on my sofa for days afterwards, listless, and feeling so aweful that I just wanted to crawl into a hole?
And so far....NOTHING! I feel pretty great! Yes, Thank You, Jesus is in order!
I did get drowsy during the treatment on Monday because of the Benadryl infused Taxol, but after that I have had no real side effects. In fact, the steroid that is also in it gave me lots of energy for the first 2 days. So supposedly I am now pretty much feeling what I'll feel. I did need to take a nap for an hour this afternoon, but other than that, I have been awake, relatively energetic (enough to mow the grass this evening), alert, and appreciative.
Yesterday I even went to the YMCA and watched our Special Olympic athletes play floor hockey with John and the Binders. It was my first time back since I started chemo and it was lovely seeing so many smiling faces.
Today I watched Andy Stanley's YouTube videos on marriage and realized how blessed I am. He has a 3 part series called iMarriage and it's a great mini series for anyone who wants to get married, is married, or is thinking about getting married someday.
On a repetitive note, I can't believe how much Dr. Mary Neal's story has touched my life! Seriously, I find myself sharing how her testimony has literally shaped my own perspective on cancer, dying, trusting God, and living on purpose.
Monday, August 15, 2016
Days 99, 100, 101 Weekend With Cousins, Chemo 1 of 12 Started, and God's Blessings
I have had a happy weekend with cousins, Pam and Todd Parmenter! They came from Peoria, Illinois all the way here just to see me and it was good for my soul to see them and be with people I love so much! All we really did was relaxed and talked and ate for 2 days, plus we did go see a movie in Dayton at the Victoria Theatre. Sadly we did not get to kayak (my happy place) due to too much rain! Boo. I wanted to do as much as possible while I feel energetic enough, considering it's usually only been a few days now of feeling well. And I don't know what to expect with this new drug, plus it will be administered weekly, so I expect to be even more limited in my 'feel good' days.
This week I have woken up a lot during the night because my hot flashes have started again. Twice now, I got up at 3 a.m. and sat in my wilderness room and turned on my small evergreen tree with twinkle lights and read my Bible. I have read Titus a couple times and Ephesians and God just lights up Scripture as I read now-a-days! So thankful for that.
Today I had the first of 12 weekly chemo treatments with a new drug, Taxol. Thankfully, I did not feel it going in my brain like the others! This is a huge thanks to God! My friend, Doni Owens, brought me to my chemo appointment and bless her as she waited with me for 4.5 hours! Whew, this can take more time than I anticipated, but she was so gracious and had set her day aside for me. Again, this is proof of God's provision in my life. We talked about how God is changing my heart and growing me in all this. So much good has come from my hearing about Dr. Mary Neal and her miracle! (If you haven't watched her video I posted, please do as it might encourage you too. https://youtu.be/fHXW1erHMtg) God has used her life to shape my understanding of my cancer, help me trust in His plan for my life like never before, and give me an outlook on my eternal perspective in a fresh, new way! Life changing! Then after chemo and lunch with Doni, I took her to John's wood shop and gave her a little tour, then took her on a Gator ride in our woods! Yes, I felt just that great!
And tonight, my sweet daughter, Sarah Jean called me just to see how my chemotherapy went today. Many others did too, mom and sisters and friends, but to have my daughter call ONLY to see if I was ok meant so much to me. When your children remember and care about those little details, it blesses a mother's heart deeply.
Then to top off my day, my dear friend, Holly B, just texted me and I have seen her faith in God grow ever since we met. I hear her heart and it trusts and believes in God's working in her life more and more. I believe that, though our time to work together was so very short at the dental office, it was God's working in her and my life as He blessed us with a friendship that goes way beyond work and she holds a very special place in my life and heart. I see that ripple effect of my cancer and am more thankful than ever. God is good and has a plan for all of us, and is closer than we sometimes realize.
This week I have woken up a lot during the night because my hot flashes have started again. Twice now, I got up at 3 a.m. and sat in my wilderness room and turned on my small evergreen tree with twinkle lights and read my Bible. I have read Titus a couple times and Ephesians and God just lights up Scripture as I read now-a-days! So thankful for that.
Today I had the first of 12 weekly chemo treatments with a new drug, Taxol. Thankfully, I did not feel it going in my brain like the others! This is a huge thanks to God! My friend, Doni Owens, brought me to my chemo appointment and bless her as she waited with me for 4.5 hours! Whew, this can take more time than I anticipated, but she was so gracious and had set her day aside for me. Again, this is proof of God's provision in my life. We talked about how God is changing my heart and growing me in all this. So much good has come from my hearing about Dr. Mary Neal and her miracle! (If you haven't watched her video I posted, please do as it might encourage you too. https://youtu.be/fHXW1erHMtg) God has used her life to shape my understanding of my cancer, help me trust in His plan for my life like never before, and give me an outlook on my eternal perspective in a fresh, new way! Life changing! Then after chemo and lunch with Doni, I took her to John's wood shop and gave her a little tour, then took her on a Gator ride in our woods! Yes, I felt just that great!
And tonight, my sweet daughter, Sarah Jean called me just to see how my chemotherapy went today. Many others did too, mom and sisters and friends, but to have my daughter call ONLY to see if I was ok meant so much to me. When your children remember and care about those little details, it blesses a mother's heart deeply.
Then to top off my day, my dear friend, Holly B, just texted me and I have seen her faith in God grow ever since we met. I hear her heart and it trusts and believes in God's working in her life more and more. I believe that, though our time to work together was so very short at the dental office, it was God's working in her and my life as He blessed us with a friendship that goes way beyond work and she holds a very special place in my life and heart. I see that ripple effect of my cancer and am more thankful than ever. God is good and has a plan for all of us, and is closer than we sometimes realize.
Friday, August 12, 2016
Day 97, 98 Normal Feels So Good
Yesterday the highlight of my day was spending time with Liz Pieniasek! She came for a visit and then I drove to her house and we had a girls sleepover. It's such a gift to feel well enough to just be able to drive and go to a friends!
Then today I enjoyed the company of two special friends that I have not seen in a very long time! Amanda from church and her little joy, Elias, and then Matty, my previous co-worker came up for a visit on his day off! I love the company and feel especially loved as friends show they care enough to take time out of their busy days and visit me.
Other than than, these past couple days are just nice feeling normal! Tonight I have a date planned with my man and we will go see Casablanca at Victoria Theatre. I need to do as many 'fun' things between now and Monday when I begin my weekly chemo sessions, because I have no idea what the rebound time with that will be.
I will say that it's been refreshing to remember the truth of understanding my circumstances in light of God's purposes. It's so much different than how I could be approaching it. I believe that all my friends, family, patients, and even folks I hardly know who have been praying, have much to do with my attitude, strength, and God's ability to use me to glorify Him. He is trustworthy, not matter what happens. For that, I am thankful. By the way, I bought 6 copies of Dr. Mary Neal's book, To Heaven and Back, if anyone wants to borrow one. It truly changed my life!
Then today I enjoyed the company of two special friends that I have not seen in a very long time! Amanda from church and her little joy, Elias, and then Matty, my previous co-worker came up for a visit on his day off! I love the company and feel especially loved as friends show they care enough to take time out of their busy days and visit me.
Other than than, these past couple days are just nice feeling normal! Tonight I have a date planned with my man and we will go see Casablanca at Victoria Theatre. I need to do as many 'fun' things between now and Monday when I begin my weekly chemo sessions, because I have no idea what the rebound time with that will be.
I will say that it's been refreshing to remember the truth of understanding my circumstances in light of God's purposes. It's so much different than how I could be approaching it. I believe that all my friends, family, patients, and even folks I hardly know who have been praying, have much to do with my attitude, strength, and God's ability to use me to glorify Him. He is trustworthy, not matter what happens. For that, I am thankful. By the way, I bought 6 copies of Dr. Mary Neal's book, To Heaven and Back, if anyone wants to borrow one. It truly changed my life!
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Day 95 and 96 Feeling Good, Feeling God, And Got Medical News
So for the past 2 days, I've been mostly on hiatus from constantly looking at Facebook! What a relief! If I see one more post about Trump vs Hillary, I think I'll faint from exhaustion!
I have enjoyed reading my Bible again and have found several Scriptures encouraging and refreshing to keep my mind thinking of something worth my time. Monday morning I read Psalm 86. It starts in a way that is raw and real and often how I feel and how one of my dearest friends is feeling now too.
Psalm 86:1-7 Bend down, O Lord, and hear my prayer; answer me, for I need your help. Protect me, for I am devoted to you. Save me, for I serve you and trust you. You are my God. Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am calling on you constantly. Give me happiness, O Lord, for I give myself to you. O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help. Listen closely to my prayer, O Lord; hear my urgent cry. I will call to you whenever I’m in trouble, and you will answer me.
Thankfully I am mentally feeling more like myself post #4 chemo treatment and I could actually crack open a book without my brain screaming to put it down! I read the book of Titus yesterday and was encouraged that God really knows what He is talking about! When I read this:
1:15 Everything is pure to those whose hearts are pure. But nothing is pure to those who are corrupt and unbelieving, because their minds and consciences are corrupted. 16 Such people claim they know God, but they deny him by the way they live. They are detestable and disobedient, worthless for doing anything good.
I thought, hmmm I can think of a couple folks that fit that description..on both sides, the pure and the corrupt. Thanks for the reminder of why some people are the way they are! Not my problem, regardless of how they treat me, or ignore me.
Then I read this:
2:4 These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, 5 to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes,[b] to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God. 6 In the same way, encourage the young men to live wisely. 7 And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching.
God has placed several young people in our lives to 'do life with'. We feel so blessed and useful in God's kingdom because we can share experiences in life and how He has taught us and now we can pass along that wisdom to others. I wonder how my cancer experience will someday encourage others. I know it already has and will continue to do so, cuz that's just the way God works. Our cup runneth over!
As of today, I have spent most of my day chasing doctors. Thankfully, I have great news. Remember that weird burning, tightness in my throat that I've had off and on for 3 months? Well I finally saw Dr. Ernest Manders at Christ Hospital and he scoped my throat and found nothing. He really had no reason as to why but said it's probably like I said, neurological as a result of the shock of knowing I was diagnosed with cancer. I read today in a book given to me by one of our guests at Dr. Henize's, that people who have cancer diagnoses often can have PTSD side effects. Hmmm, never knew that, but it would make sense. The other great news is the why to my question of having blood in my stool. What fun this is! If a girl knows how to have fun, it's me! First, I get an 18 inch camera tube wiggled through my nose and into my throat, and then I get to have a colon rectal surgeon 'check me out' and found the culprit for my bleeding. Cancer treatment can really mess up one's 'regularity'. My body can't figure out whether it wants to have diarrhea or constipation, so I get to help it with this little pill or that little pill and in doing so, my body is sick and tired of it all and decided to tear or fissure and now my new menu includes psillium and lots more water! For regularity, ya know! Well, I admit, I am thankful that the last doc got me in today cuz I literally called his office at 11:15 am and they got me in at noon! Thanks, God! It truly was a gift to have gotten that over and done with.
Now, off to grocery shopping with my amazingly, sweet and doting (slightly overprotective) hubby!
I have enjoyed reading my Bible again and have found several Scriptures encouraging and refreshing to keep my mind thinking of something worth my time. Monday morning I read Psalm 86. It starts in a way that is raw and real and often how I feel and how one of my dearest friends is feeling now too.
Psalm 86:1-7 Bend down, O Lord, and hear my prayer; answer me, for I need your help. Protect me, for I am devoted to you. Save me, for I serve you and trust you. You are my God. Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am calling on you constantly. Give me happiness, O Lord, for I give myself to you. O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help. Listen closely to my prayer, O Lord; hear my urgent cry. I will call to you whenever I’m in trouble, and you will answer me.
Thankfully I am mentally feeling more like myself post #4 chemo treatment and I could actually crack open a book without my brain screaming to put it down! I read the book of Titus yesterday and was encouraged that God really knows what He is talking about! When I read this:
1:15 Everything is pure to those whose hearts are pure. But nothing is pure to those who are corrupt and unbelieving, because their minds and consciences are corrupted. 16 Such people claim they know God, but they deny him by the way they live. They are detestable and disobedient, worthless for doing anything good.
I thought, hmmm I can think of a couple folks that fit that description..on both sides, the pure and the corrupt. Thanks for the reminder of why some people are the way they are! Not my problem, regardless of how they treat me, or ignore me.
Then I read this:
2:4 These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, 5 to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes,[b] to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God. 6 In the same way, encourage the young men to live wisely. 7 And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching.
God has placed several young people in our lives to 'do life with'. We feel so blessed and useful in God's kingdom because we can share experiences in life and how He has taught us and now we can pass along that wisdom to others. I wonder how my cancer experience will someday encourage others. I know it already has and will continue to do so, cuz that's just the way God works. Our cup runneth over!
As of today, I have spent most of my day chasing doctors. Thankfully, I have great news. Remember that weird burning, tightness in my throat that I've had off and on for 3 months? Well I finally saw Dr. Ernest Manders at Christ Hospital and he scoped my throat and found nothing. He really had no reason as to why but said it's probably like I said, neurological as a result of the shock of knowing I was diagnosed with cancer. I read today in a book given to me by one of our guests at Dr. Henize's, that people who have cancer diagnoses often can have PTSD side effects. Hmmm, never knew that, but it would make sense. The other great news is the why to my question of having blood in my stool. What fun this is! If a girl knows how to have fun, it's me! First, I get an 18 inch camera tube wiggled through my nose and into my throat, and then I get to have a colon rectal surgeon 'check me out' and found the culprit for my bleeding. Cancer treatment can really mess up one's 'regularity'. My body can't figure out whether it wants to have diarrhea or constipation, so I get to help it with this little pill or that little pill and in doing so, my body is sick and tired of it all and decided to tear or fissure and now my new menu includes psillium and lots more water! For regularity, ya know! Well, I admit, I am thankful that the last doc got me in today cuz I literally called his office at 11:15 am and they got me in at noon! Thanks, God! It truly was a gift to have gotten that over and done with.
Now, off to grocery shopping with my amazingly, sweet and doting (slightly overprotective) hubby!
Monday, August 8, 2016
Day 94 Refreshing to be in the Word again
Ecclesiastes 8:1
How wonderful to be wise, to analyze and interpret things. Wisdom lights up a person’s face, softening its harshness.
I woke at 2 a.m. and read a few chapters in Ecclesiastes 8-12 and found it refreshing and full of words that simply make sense! Reading it reminds me how brief and meaningless so much is in this life but in the end, we must acknowledge, revere, and fear our Creator as it says in the final words of that book.
I have thought about these words much of the day and continue to be thankful that God's Word is relevant and a great reminder of just how we should approach our life.
I did have a doctor's appointment today to check my white blood count and all was great! I actually was told by the nurses that they cannot believe that I have not suffered more from the Neulasta because so many people with it really struggle with bone pain. I knew it was a possible side effect, but I am more aware of the gift that I did not have more difficulty than I actually did.
The rest of the day I spent with Lynne Albrecht and she was like an angel. She bought me food to make soup and came home and helped me make it, and she changed my bedding on all my beds. I rested and we enjoyed the gift of a cooler afternoon in our gazebo and talked about the Lord and how He works in our lives. She has a servant's heart and one I want to emulate.
I am very thankful for how close I know God is, for how He loves me and desires to use me however He chooses to give him acknowledgement.
Sunday, August 7, 2016
Day 93 Awakening My Spirit
Tonight, I blogged and shared the silly, mundane, insignificant details of my day once again. Afterwards, I took a long shower and had a heart to heart with God. Then I deleted the whole thing and wrote this:
As I was talking to the Lord, I was wondering why in my spirit I feel so distant from Him. Why do I feel so disengaged and disinterested in the condition of my true self, my spirit. I realized that I'm pretty sick and tired of thinking about and talking about the condition of my flesh. I have spent more time being concerned about what happens to my body because of this cancer and its treatment and how I physically feel than the condition and growth of the true me, my spirit. I say my flesh is just a temporary vessel and I believe that, so why am I spending so much time reporting on all the little nuances as if it's worth that much time or if it is truly edifying and what God can teach me in all this.
God gently reminded me that our actions and thoughts is what we think is truly important. I immediately could see that in the past 93 days since I started blogging, little has been done to talk about he condition of my spirit and WAY too much has been spent on foolish and insignificant things like this flesh which is here today and gone tomorrow. So I have decided to stop looking at Facebook and really only report on my blog things that truly matter in this world, like how the Lord is teaching me, Scritpture that encourages me, and anything that God can use to grow me spiritually.
So for those of you who want a run down on my physical condition, feel free to text or call me but I don't think that's what God wants me to do day after day. After 90+ days of reporting, it's pretty obvious that the side effects of cancer are physically unpleasant. Period. But how God can stretch me and grow me spiritually, now THAT is way more valuable in the things that I thought mattered in this blog. .
Let's see what great things He has in store. And if I'm not blogging, it's cuz I don't have anything to report or I've been lazy and didn't so spend time in God's Word or listening to Him. I truly want Him to be the reason for my blog from here on out. Not to say I won't say anything about my physical condition, but it will be different from here on out.
As I was talking to the Lord, I was wondering why in my spirit I feel so distant from Him. Why do I feel so disengaged and disinterested in the condition of my true self, my spirit. I realized that I'm pretty sick and tired of thinking about and talking about the condition of my flesh. I have spent more time being concerned about what happens to my body because of this cancer and its treatment and how I physically feel than the condition and growth of the true me, my spirit. I say my flesh is just a temporary vessel and I believe that, so why am I spending so much time reporting on all the little nuances as if it's worth that much time or if it is truly edifying and what God can teach me in all this.
God gently reminded me that our actions and thoughts is what we think is truly important. I immediately could see that in the past 93 days since I started blogging, little has been done to talk about he condition of my spirit and WAY too much has been spent on foolish and insignificant things like this flesh which is here today and gone tomorrow. So I have decided to stop looking at Facebook and really only report on my blog things that truly matter in this world, like how the Lord is teaching me, Scritpture that encourages me, and anything that God can use to grow me spiritually.
So for those of you who want a run down on my physical condition, feel free to text or call me but I don't think that's what God wants me to do day after day. After 90+ days of reporting, it's pretty obvious that the side effects of cancer are physically unpleasant. Period. But how God can stretch me and grow me spiritually, now THAT is way more valuable in the things that I thought mattered in this blog. .
Let's see what great things He has in store. And if I'm not blogging, it's cuz I don't have anything to report or I've been lazy and didn't so spend time in God's Word or listening to Him. I truly want Him to be the reason for my blog from here on out. Not to say I won't say anything about my physical condition, but it will be different from here on out.
Saturday, August 6, 2016
Day 92 A Tougher Day Than I Expected
I expected today to be much better than it actually was. Considering 2 weeks ago on this 4th day after chemo, I was on an airplane and took 2 flights to get to Wyoming, I can honestly say that it must have been by God's grace that I could actually fly that day because today, I would not have flown anywhere!
Woke up at 4 a.m. starving so I ate a couple rice cakes I keep next to my bed for when I get up hungry in the middle of the night. I did fall back asleep but later I woke up to a very scary feeling. It's one I experienced a couple months ago with a searing burning feeling in the back of my throat! It caused a tightness and discomfort for well over 30 minutes and I have no idea what caused it. Thankfully, I made an appointment with an ENT back in June for Dr. Ernest Manders and I'll see him Wednesday. I pray it's just nerves and nothing serious!
After showering and shaving my head smooth, I finally got up but can honestly say I was on the couch again most of the day. I really struggled with lack of appetite and the need to eat something every couple hours to stave off the nausea. Nothing really sounds good but I force myself to eat. I even had to take an anti-nausea pill this evening because it got bad enough that even eating did not make the feeling subside.
Today my boss, Dr. Henize, came up to visit for a couple hours and we enjoyed catching up! I appreciate his friendship and willingness to spend time with me despite his very busy schedule.
Sarah tried enlisting my help today with some things on her computer but I realized I don't have much creative juices to benefit her that much.
Tonight I tried getting through the night by watching a couple movies, and I did, but man do I tire of feeling sick! I get chilled and feel shaky, then my throat tightens and frightens me, then my stomach feels ill at ease. I sure hope this is better tomorrow!
Admittedly, I have some anxiety about the next 12 rounds of chemo!
I will eat one more thing in hopes it will prevent me from feeling sick tonight. Unfortunately, I also got my my first mouth sore from the chemo today too.
Woke up at 4 a.m. starving so I ate a couple rice cakes I keep next to my bed for when I get up hungry in the middle of the night. I did fall back asleep but later I woke up to a very scary feeling. It's one I experienced a couple months ago with a searing burning feeling in the back of my throat! It caused a tightness and discomfort for well over 30 minutes and I have no idea what caused it. Thankfully, I made an appointment with an ENT back in June for Dr. Ernest Manders and I'll see him Wednesday. I pray it's just nerves and nothing serious!
After showering and shaving my head smooth, I finally got up but can honestly say I was on the couch again most of the day. I really struggled with lack of appetite and the need to eat something every couple hours to stave off the nausea. Nothing really sounds good but I force myself to eat. I even had to take an anti-nausea pill this evening because it got bad enough that even eating did not make the feeling subside.
Today my boss, Dr. Henize, came up to visit for a couple hours and we enjoyed catching up! I appreciate his friendship and willingness to spend time with me despite his very busy schedule.
Sarah tried enlisting my help today with some things on her computer but I realized I don't have much creative juices to benefit her that much.
Tonight I tried getting through the night by watching a couple movies, and I did, but man do I tire of feeling sick! I get chilled and feel shaky, then my throat tightens and frightens me, then my stomach feels ill at ease. I sure hope this is better tomorrow!
Admittedly, I have some anxiety about the next 12 rounds of chemo!
I will eat one more thing in hopes it will prevent me from feeling sick tonight. Unfortunately, I also got my my first mouth sore from the chemo today too.
Friday, August 5, 2016
Day 91 "Garson!"
This is Sarah, typing for my mom tonight!
Getting a little better today but still made friends with my same cozy spot on the couch all day long. Was blessed to have a visit from a dear friend of mine, Andrea, most of the morning.
My afternoon consisted of dozing off and on. My little stubbly head needs to be shaved again soon, but still finds its way gravitating to the pillow all too easily.
Water tastes metallic and my interest to stay hydrated is lacking.
This evening I had another lovely friend, Holly B, pay me a visit. It's been far too long since I've seen her sweet face so I was glad to give her an extra long hug. It's amazing how God works. I feel she was placed to work at Dr. Henize's just for us to meet and be kindred friends. I could talk to her all night long.
I suddenly got a cheery phone call around 6, from my most favorite, beautiful daughter in the world saying she was coming over to visit and stay the night. I wish I had more energy for her but am glad just to have her here. She gave me cut up apples and peanut butter and rice cakes with a little butter. Although my diet may be bland, my company is grand. Thankful she understands and can do most of the chatting anyways. I hope to feel better in the morning to have more energy to spend with her. Although she did not recognize me at first, she got a lot of enjoyment out of playing with my bald head. Said it reminded her of those naked cats and was extra reflective!
Shout out to Matt, Julie, Eric, Brooklyn and Liz! Thank you all for your sweet sweet words of encouragement, prayer and strength you sent my way today. Looking forward to the visits ahead with some of you.
Ending the day, "chemo brain" takes its hold making me feel exhausted. I have such a good husband that gets all the things I need. When my energy is so low and I can do nothing but lay lifeless, with my eyes closed, I just point at what I want/need and say "Garson" and my good hubby laughs, gives me kisses and hands me what I need. I apologize for not being able to do more and he just envelopes me with his love. Much like Christ's love for us.
P.s. Sarah got way too into this blog therefore "fluffing" it up more than usual. Enjoy... :)
Getting a little better today but still made friends with my same cozy spot on the couch all day long. Was blessed to have a visit from a dear friend of mine, Andrea, most of the morning.
My afternoon consisted of dozing off and on. My little stubbly head needs to be shaved again soon, but still finds its way gravitating to the pillow all too easily.
Water tastes metallic and my interest to stay hydrated is lacking.
This evening I had another lovely friend, Holly B, pay me a visit. It's been far too long since I've seen her sweet face so I was glad to give her an extra long hug. It's amazing how God works. I feel she was placed to work at Dr. Henize's just for us to meet and be kindred friends. I could talk to her all night long.
I suddenly got a cheery phone call around 6, from my most favorite, beautiful daughter in the world saying she was coming over to visit and stay the night. I wish I had more energy for her but am glad just to have her here. She gave me cut up apples and peanut butter and rice cakes with a little butter. Although my diet may be bland, my company is grand. Thankful she understands and can do most of the chatting anyways. I hope to feel better in the morning to have more energy to spend with her. Although she did not recognize me at first, she got a lot of enjoyment out of playing with my bald head. Said it reminded her of those naked cats and was extra reflective!
Shout out to Matt, Julie, Eric, Brooklyn and Liz! Thank you all for your sweet sweet words of encouragement, prayer and strength you sent my way today. Looking forward to the visits ahead with some of you.
Ending the day, "chemo brain" takes its hold making me feel exhausted. I have such a good husband that gets all the things I need. When my energy is so low and I can do nothing but lay lifeless, with my eyes closed, I just point at what I want/need and say "Garson" and my good hubby laughs, gives me kisses and hands me what I need. I apologize for not being able to do more and he just envelopes me with his love. Much like Christ's love for us.
P.s. Sarah got way too into this blog therefore "fluffing" it up more than usual. Enjoy... :)
Thursday, August 4, 2016
Day 90 Wow! I've Been Dealing With This For 90 Days!
As I sit on my couch...ALL DAY and contemplate what to write right now, I can't believe I'm in my 90th day already since all this started.
First, let me just get it out there...chemo sucks!
I've had zero energy all day and that means I've been sitting/lying on my couch so far from 8 am until 8 pm. That's 12 hours of feeling like dog doo doo and can't really do anything but wait for it to pass. I am thankful that I have not suffered with what I call chemo brain much at all yesterday or today. Mostly I am feeling what might be best compared to the stomach flu. Thankfully, I'm not vomiting, but I make many visits to the bathroom! My tummy still feels all topsy turvy and unsettled. I get slightly hungry but no food sounds great. I tried talking to my Tricia-sitters, and half the time realized I fell asleep. But they are gracious and rolled with it.
Today I had the joy of one of my patients, Sue B. who came to stay with me all morning and we had a really nice visit. I'm amazed at how God puts just the right people in my life at the right time. Then this afternoon, my amazing friend and co-worker, Jen, came and she made me cinnamon cassava bread and it was delicious! Now the house is quiet, everyone, including John is gone and I am ready to eat something, but nothing sounds good.
I'm tired of looking at Facebook. I'm tired of listening to music. I'm tired of feeling the effects of chemo. I have that constant feeling of malaise, nausea, and boredom all at the same time. I have no interest or energy to do anything other than lay on this couch.
But I need to remember to find joy, to pray without ceasing, and give thanks in all things. I must contemplate that more. Soon, I'll feel better and I will have this day behind me.
I would say this...if you have a friend or family member who has cancer and is undergoing chemo, please check in on them. It's a lonely time. Sometimes I think of all the people in my life when I was well and how connected I felt to them, but now that I'm off the grid and not present with them as much, I'm saddened at how so many people have not even texted, called, visited, or even sent a card to see how I am doing. And I'm talking about people who I thought would definitely be there for me. So, just saying...when someone is going through an illness, please take a few minutes of your time and touch base with them if you actually care about them at all. If you don't care about them...then it's already obvious, but if you do, let them know. Life with chemo makes you feel really disgusting, disconnected, and it's the little things people do that help so much to say, " I care."
First, let me just get it out there...chemo sucks!
I've had zero energy all day and that means I've been sitting/lying on my couch so far from 8 am until 8 pm. That's 12 hours of feeling like dog doo doo and can't really do anything but wait for it to pass. I am thankful that I have not suffered with what I call chemo brain much at all yesterday or today. Mostly I am feeling what might be best compared to the stomach flu. Thankfully, I'm not vomiting, but I make many visits to the bathroom! My tummy still feels all topsy turvy and unsettled. I get slightly hungry but no food sounds great. I tried talking to my Tricia-sitters, and half the time realized I fell asleep. But they are gracious and rolled with it.
Today I had the joy of one of my patients, Sue B. who came to stay with me all morning and we had a really nice visit. I'm amazed at how God puts just the right people in my life at the right time. Then this afternoon, my amazing friend and co-worker, Jen, came and she made me cinnamon cassava bread and it was delicious! Now the house is quiet, everyone, including John is gone and I am ready to eat something, but nothing sounds good.
I'm tired of looking at Facebook. I'm tired of listening to music. I'm tired of feeling the effects of chemo. I have that constant feeling of malaise, nausea, and boredom all at the same time. I have no interest or energy to do anything other than lay on this couch.
But I need to remember to find joy, to pray without ceasing, and give thanks in all things. I must contemplate that more. Soon, I'll feel better and I will have this day behind me.
I would say this...if you have a friend or family member who has cancer and is undergoing chemo, please check in on them. It's a lonely time. Sometimes I think of all the people in my life when I was well and how connected I felt to them, but now that I'm off the grid and not present with them as much, I'm saddened at how so many people have not even texted, called, visited, or even sent a card to see how I am doing. And I'm talking about people who I thought would definitely be there for me. So, just saying...when someone is going through an illness, please take a few minutes of your time and touch base with them if you actually care about them at all. If you don't care about them...then it's already obvious, but if you do, let them know. Life with chemo makes you feel really disgusting, disconnected, and it's the little things people do that help so much to say, " I care."
Wednesday, August 3, 2016
Day 89 Blessed By Doni Owens All Day
Woke up this morning, the day following chemo, and thought, "Wow! I feel great!" So for the first 2 hours of my day, I made breakfast, cleaned the kitchen a little, made my bed, and couldn't believe how great I felt. Hoping this would last...but it was only for a little while. I'm thankful for those few hours.
Today, my Tricia-sitter was a very special guest. Doni Owens goes to my Springboro church, Southwest. Her husband and mine attend a men's bible study on Thursday mornings together and that is really how she and I met. The guys have a kindred friendship. In fact, her husband, Glenn, was the one who told John after his divorce, that he should be praying specifically for the wife he would want. Then voilà I showed up! Oh, the power of prayer!! Doni and Glenn recently lost their sweet daughter, Erica, to a tragic accident in March of 2015 and she went to be with the Lord at the tender age of 28. Ever since then, when I saw Doni, our hearts were drawn to each other. Today we talked about life, love, death, and the Lord. We also watched Dr. Mary Neal's video I have mentioned. She is very interested in this topic as well and I believe the Lord put Dr. Neal in my life for people like this too.
Doni is a magnetic personality, a genuine and very loving woman who loves the Lord. She learned recently about my breast cancer and contacted me last week and offered to be with me today. She was here all day and we shared and talked and she served me so willingly and was a ray of sunshine, especially since at 10 am, I started getting nauseated and wasn't such great company. She also drove me to Mason because Dr. Cody informed me he wanted me to have less Neulasta since my WBC count was a little high yesterday. Sadly, I couldn't get the patch that dispensed it 27 hours later because of the dosing. So I had to get a literal shot in the arm..Ouch! Those little buggers hurt. Thankfully, that is the last of the Neulasta! Thankfully, I won't be needing it once I start the Taxol in 2 weeks. I will be interested to see if getting the shot vs the patch will make me feel the typical side effects like bone pain.
Then after Doni left at 4:30 pm, she went to a fresh farm stand market and bought me tomatoes and cucumbers, and then over to Dorothy Lane Market to buy me yeast for some bread I hope to make tomorrow out of my newest find, (thanks to Sara Godbey) cassava flour!
I have spent the majority of my day sitting here in my living room. Thankfully, I love my house and now, thanks to Doni Owens, I have a vase full of sunflowers, zinnias, and daisies and they are sitting surrounded by rocks in a vase. One of the rocks simply says LOVE. Lord, You bless me every day. I see your loving hand tending to me through so many people. Thank you.
Today, my Tricia-sitter was a very special guest. Doni Owens goes to my Springboro church, Southwest. Her husband and mine attend a men's bible study on Thursday mornings together and that is really how she and I met. The guys have a kindred friendship. In fact, her husband, Glenn, was the one who told John after his divorce, that he should be praying specifically for the wife he would want. Then voilà I showed up! Oh, the power of prayer!! Doni and Glenn recently lost their sweet daughter, Erica, to a tragic accident in March of 2015 and she went to be with the Lord at the tender age of 28. Ever since then, when I saw Doni, our hearts were drawn to each other. Today we talked about life, love, death, and the Lord. We also watched Dr. Mary Neal's video I have mentioned. She is very interested in this topic as well and I believe the Lord put Dr. Neal in my life for people like this too.
Doni is a magnetic personality, a genuine and very loving woman who loves the Lord. She learned recently about my breast cancer and contacted me last week and offered to be with me today. She was here all day and we shared and talked and she served me so willingly and was a ray of sunshine, especially since at 10 am, I started getting nauseated and wasn't such great company. She also drove me to Mason because Dr. Cody informed me he wanted me to have less Neulasta since my WBC count was a little high yesterday. Sadly, I couldn't get the patch that dispensed it 27 hours later because of the dosing. So I had to get a literal shot in the arm..Ouch! Those little buggers hurt. Thankfully, that is the last of the Neulasta! Thankfully, I won't be needing it once I start the Taxol in 2 weeks. I will be interested to see if getting the shot vs the patch will make me feel the typical side effects like bone pain.
Then after Doni left at 4:30 pm, she went to a fresh farm stand market and bought me tomatoes and cucumbers, and then over to Dorothy Lane Market to buy me yeast for some bread I hope to make tomorrow out of my newest find, (thanks to Sara Godbey) cassava flour!
I have spent the majority of my day sitting here in my living room. Thankfully, I love my house and now, thanks to Doni Owens, I have a vase full of sunflowers, zinnias, and daisies and they are sitting surrounded by rocks in a vase. One of the rocks simply says LOVE. Lord, You bless me every day. I see your loving hand tending to me through so many people. Thank you.
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
Day 88 Chemo Day
I had a dear friend, Susan, Muterspaw, drove me all the way to Cincinnati for my chemotherapy today. Thankfully, this was the fourth session of two particular chemotherapeutic drugs. Adriamyacin and Cytoxin are two of the strongest drugs given for breast cancer and I am glad to say this is the end of this cocktail. In two weeks I will start Taxol, and have that for 12 consecutive weeks.
I am rejoicing in what my doctor said today. Upon examination, he feels that the tumor is definitely smaller in my breast and the lymph node swelling seems to be gone. This is a good indication that the drugs are working. Of course without a biopsy, it's impossible to say just how much, but it is definitely smaller. Unfortunately, Dr. Cody did not like hearing about my emergency room visit in Jackson, Wyoming and has ordered me to see a colorectal surgeon to find out why I had bleeding while I was there. He said it's never normal to have blood in one's stool even if I'm in chemotherapy!
Since I've been home today, my tummy is a little topsy-turvy and my head has some pressure in it like a little chemo brain sensation but nothing too bad. I'm sitting in my gazebo now waiting for John to come home from coaching Special Olympics floor hockey with our special people!
I have my grandmother's Bible open to Psalm 37. Here are some of the verses in that Psalm that I really like.
Take delight in the Lord and He will give you your heart's desire.
Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him and He will help you.
Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act.
Day by day the Lord takes care of the innocent, and they will receive a reward that last forever. They will survive through hard times; even in famine they will have more than enough.
The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will not fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.
The Lord saves the godly; He is their fortress in times of trouble. The Lord helps them, rescuing them from the wicked. He saves them, and they find shelter in Him.
I am rejoicing in what my doctor said today. Upon examination, he feels that the tumor is definitely smaller in my breast and the lymph node swelling seems to be gone. This is a good indication that the drugs are working. Of course without a biopsy, it's impossible to say just how much, but it is definitely smaller. Unfortunately, Dr. Cody did not like hearing about my emergency room visit in Jackson, Wyoming and has ordered me to see a colorectal surgeon to find out why I had bleeding while I was there. He said it's never normal to have blood in one's stool even if I'm in chemotherapy!
Since I've been home today, my tummy is a little topsy-turvy and my head has some pressure in it like a little chemo brain sensation but nothing too bad. I'm sitting in my gazebo now waiting for John to come home from coaching Special Olympics floor hockey with our special people!
I have my grandmother's Bible open to Psalm 37. Here are some of the verses in that Psalm that I really like.
Take delight in the Lord and He will give you your heart's desire.
Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him and He will help you.
Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act.
Day by day the Lord takes care of the innocent, and they will receive a reward that last forever. They will survive through hard times; even in famine they will have more than enough.
The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will not fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.
The Lord saves the godly; He is their fortress in times of trouble. The Lord helps them, rescuing them from the wicked. He saves them, and they find shelter in Him.
Monday, August 1, 2016
Day 87 My Trip Home And Need For More Prayer for My Daddy
Up at 4 a.m. and off to a chilly (45 degrees) Jackson morning drive to the airport! Our flights were uneventful, which is answered prayer!
While flying, I read almost the entire book, To Heaven And Back by Dr. Mary Neal. Please, please get that book and read it. It's an unbelievable and crazy awesome testimony of a real woman who I've now met and whose life is rich with evidence of God's Hand working in the coolest ways. It will increase your faith and make you realize how close God is to all of us, despite what the world wants you to believe! It explains 'why bad things happen to good people', that eternal unanswered question so many have. It gives hope to the hopeless. It helped me understand my cancer in a totally different light! And it can calm anyone's fear of death. Between watching her video I posted a few days ago, meeting with her personally, and now reading her book, I wish every person reading this would do the same. I believe that part of the ripple effect of meeting her is so that I can share her story with you, my blog reader. It's a gift I gladly pass on and ask you to stop thinking that this is information for someone else. If you are reading my blog, it's for you. Period. That is why God had me learn about her, meet her, and now share her story with you.
As I walked off the plane in Dayton, OH, I turned on my phone and got a text from my sister saying that my dad is in the hospital because of chest pain, and he had a failed stress test, found he had 99% blockage to one of the major vessels to his heart, and they inserted a stint today! Wow! Ok...this was an immediate little test of my new faith in God's working in the details of all our lives. I can say that no matter what, my daddy is in God's Hands and all is well. I have total peace. And, please pray for his heart to heal and for him to have physical comfort and spiritual peace as he looks to God for everything.
Then after grocery shopping to fill my totally empty refrigerator with delicious organic meats, fruits and vegetables, we got our 10 days worth of unopened mail and I just was overwhelmed with literal tears of joy as I open card after card after card from family, friends, and patients. I see now how God is using this situation in my life to draw so many people back to Him. Many have said to me that they gave up on praying years ago until they heard about my cancer diagnosis and now they are going to God in prayer on my behalf! God is the only One who can truly do anything about my situation and I can honestly say, 'Your will be done'. This is my heart: that He will use me to remind so many that He is real and He loves you like crazy and desires a relationship with you that is so personal and real that you can taste, see, and feel His presence! God can us me any way He wants. I'm joyful to be privileged as to be someone who can remind so many just how much He loves them. And to those of you who sent financial support in your card...thank you. Lorna, I loved the clever 'hearts' and Todd/Pam, you guys are radical! To Uncle Dave and Aunt Deb...wow! I'm blown away that so many are praying for and blessing me! Thank you all. I sat in my kitchen and cried and was simply overwhelmed with seeing each and every person's love.
It's good to be home.
While flying, I read almost the entire book, To Heaven And Back by Dr. Mary Neal. Please, please get that book and read it. It's an unbelievable and crazy awesome testimony of a real woman who I've now met and whose life is rich with evidence of God's Hand working in the coolest ways. It will increase your faith and make you realize how close God is to all of us, despite what the world wants you to believe! It explains 'why bad things happen to good people', that eternal unanswered question so many have. It gives hope to the hopeless. It helped me understand my cancer in a totally different light! And it can calm anyone's fear of death. Between watching her video I posted a few days ago, meeting with her personally, and now reading her book, I wish every person reading this would do the same. I believe that part of the ripple effect of meeting her is so that I can share her story with you, my blog reader. It's a gift I gladly pass on and ask you to stop thinking that this is information for someone else. If you are reading my blog, it's for you. Period. That is why God had me learn about her, meet her, and now share her story with you.
As I walked off the plane in Dayton, OH, I turned on my phone and got a text from my sister saying that my dad is in the hospital because of chest pain, and he had a failed stress test, found he had 99% blockage to one of the major vessels to his heart, and they inserted a stint today! Wow! Ok...this was an immediate little test of my new faith in God's working in the details of all our lives. I can say that no matter what, my daddy is in God's Hands and all is well. I have total peace. And, please pray for his heart to heal and for him to have physical comfort and spiritual peace as he looks to God for everything.
Then after grocery shopping to fill my totally empty refrigerator with delicious organic meats, fruits and vegetables, we got our 10 days worth of unopened mail and I just was overwhelmed with literal tears of joy as I open card after card after card from family, friends, and patients. I see now how God is using this situation in my life to draw so many people back to Him. Many have said to me that they gave up on praying years ago until they heard about my cancer diagnosis and now they are going to God in prayer on my behalf! God is the only One who can truly do anything about my situation and I can honestly say, 'Your will be done'. This is my heart: that He will use me to remind so many that He is real and He loves you like crazy and desires a relationship with you that is so personal and real that you can taste, see, and feel His presence! God can us me any way He wants. I'm joyful to be privileged as to be someone who can remind so many just how much He loves them. And to those of you who sent financial support in your card...thank you. Lorna, I loved the clever 'hearts' and Todd/Pam, you guys are radical! To Uncle Dave and Aunt Deb...wow! I'm blown away that so many are praying for and blessing me! Thank you all. I sat in my kitchen and cried and was simply overwhelmed with seeing each and every person's love.
It's good to be home.
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