Heavier Hair and A Heavier Heart

Not much to report in terms of the cancer treatment, changes, etc. other than I am growing eyebrows and eyelashes again! It seems like just last week I had hardly any eyebrows or lashes and then all of a sudden I noticed that when I removed my drawn-on eyebrows, not as much brown rubbed off last night!

And I was informed by a friend who drove up from Nashville and stayed the night that I had bedhead in two places this morning! I was thrilled to know that my hair is continuing to fill in and look more non-chemo-esque.

I am continuing to stretch my arm throughout the day to help with the 'cording' that seems to be now slowly creeping from my armpit into my wrist area now as I stretch. I'm really hoping the lymphedema specialist can help with this.

As for my heart and spirit through it, I still am strong. I am resting and hoping in God to use me however He chooses.

I will share that this week has been one that really caused me moments of deep, quiet sadness for different reasons and different people. Why people choose to think and act the way they do sometimes, I really don't understand. It is true that beside Christ, everyone will disappoint at some time, even me. I am the worst offender at times. Oh, that this world would be able to experience Your eternal restoration! Thank you, Jesus, for making that possible one day! For now, I need to keep my eyes on You, Lord, because You are all that is always True, Good, Loving, Honorable, Redeeming, and Kind. You are my Lord, my King, my Savior, my One and only. Thank you for glimpses of Your Kingdom while I am here. I see it in the beauty of the song by my friend Deb S., the gentle touch on my cheek from my husband, the quiet of snowfall in our woods, the just-because call from my children, the laughter of my step grand-children, the Psalm that speaks to my heart, the sound of a waterfall, the scent of a balsam candle, the crackle of a campfire, the love of family and friends, the view of Your majestic creation, the innocence of a newborn, and the smell of baking cookies with a cold glass of Organic Valley Grassmilk!  These are things I choose to think about as I remember God's love for me and you.

Christmas 2016

Christmas is over.

I think this is one of those years that I will have to intentionally focus on the great things because too many things happened that made me understand when people say that the holidays can be more stressful  than fun! Thankfully, we got to see 3 of our kids at least!  I even talked to my Chinese son, Alex, who now lives in California with his wife and daughter, Charlotte!

We also celebrated Christmas Eve Eve at Red Door with the most upbeat, joyful service and both of my kids joined us for it!

Then John and I took Jonathan to Caesar's Creek to kayak and we had the traditional British beer at the waterfall! Slainte!

 

Following that, the three of us had a very quiet night in the Wilderness Room in our house with the warmth of the fire  while listening to The Christmas Box by Richard Paul Evans. A must read at Christmas!

Jonathan and I enjoyed working in John's shop together finishing up some of his Christmas gifts. It was good spending 3 full days with him as it's been years since I've spent that much time with him! I am very thankful he is making such good decisions  to seek God and find what He wants to do with his life. 

Christmas Day was a day with friends and family, good food, fun games, and the best was the gift of my friend, Deb Slanaker, who wrote and sang the most beautiful worship song I've ever heard!  She is in remission from leukemia and subsequent strokes from it, but God gave her this song. Hopefully, one day, she will sing it at Red Door.

I'll just say that this has been an odd Christmas, but I hold on to this Scripture today:

 

Hebrews 13:8  "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."

As for how I'm physically feeling, I am struggling with  my left arm being very tight still when it extends, so I stretch it several times daily. Unfortunately, I don't feel it improving. I am looking forward to this week when my lymphedema sleeves will be delivered!  Then next week, I will begin specific therapy for it.

So today, the amazing, awesome, jump-for-joy news is that my MRI came back NORMAL today!

This morning at 8 a.m. I had my MRI of my head and eye area that showed 'something' of concern last week with the nuclear bone scan. Going in head first, face up with a shield thingy over my face definitely made me feel claustrophobic! Thankfully, the gal suggested a washcloth over my eyes and it made a radical difference! Thank you, Jesus, for that. I don't think I could have sat there for 45 minutes without that washcloth. My doctor wanted the results stat, so the technologist told me to call later in the day and I would have them. I got Chrissy at Dr. Cody's around 3 pm and she said, "Tricia, your MRI came back normal. There is no cancer in your eye area!"  When I asked her exactly what it was on the other scan, she said she would have to have Dr. Cody answer that and she would call me back later, but that I could be rest assured that at least there was no cancer there!!! Praise Jesus!

I hung up and immediately called John. I welled up with tears of relief and joy as I called him, so when he answered, he was concerned because I was crying. Thankfully, I could share the news with him through the tears. I think I was much more concerned than anyone as they all were convinced that it was nothing. So the tears leaked out for a few minutes as I shared with John, then my mom and now I can rest!

After, I had an appointment with a lymphedema specialist and got measured for a sleeve and gauntlet and learned a few new stretches. In a couple weeks, I will start 3/week appointments with her for lots more stretches and exercises. We will do that for a few weeks and hopefully this tightness I showed her will go away. She called it 'cording'. She said it's common with my surgery but nobody really knows why it happens. These photos make my legs look like tree trunks, but it's because they were elevated on a round pillow! And, check out those leggings!  Thanks to my friend, Sari Murray, I now am the proud owner of the most buttery, soft LulaRoe leggings!

Dr. Cody Scheduled More MRIs, Needing Lymphedema sleeves and 1st Christmas Gathering in the Wonderly Woods

Dr. Cody's appointment today simply was all about 1. him telling me I'm healing well after surgery, 2. prescribing my oral chemotherapy drug, Arimidex, that I will take for the next 10 years (hopefully with no side effects!), and 3. ordering an MRI to see what's happening with that spot on my cheek/eye area from the nuclear bone scan that was concerning.

 I will have the MRI tomorrow morning, with results on Wednesday, to confirm whether there is cancer in my bone or not. Then I'll meet with a certified lymphedema specialist to help alleviate the tight tendon pain going up my left arm. When he asked about my arm, I showed Dr. Cody how tight it was and he immediately noticed under my armpit what looked like a tightly pulled tendon protruding from my skin. Kinda hard to see it here, but that is the healing scar from the lymph node dissection surgery.

He said it would need to be treated by a therapist to loosen it and hopefully it will go away with lots of stretching. He said it would need to be 'broken up'! That sounds painful! I also mentioned to him that under my arm, I had numbness and a somewhat painful sensation when I touch the skin, to which he said it was common after full node dissection! Oh, all these things I never really knew about before having cancer!

Afterward meeting with Dr. Cody, I got to hang out in the 'chemo salon' to have blood drawn. While there I ran into Jen, one of the ladies I briefly met when I was having my chemo weekly. She gave me some great tips for lymphedema prevention and radiation therapy. Supposedly, after tomorrow's appointment with the lymphedema specialist, I will need to order a 'compression sleeve and glove' to wear! Oh, that will be sexy!But Jen strongly encouraged me not to even mess with the prescription ones as they are thick, itchy, and ugly and cause rubbing on the crease of one's elbow when worn. Instead, she strongly suggested I go to a website www.lymphedivas.com to order a couple of the sleeves that I really like the cool designs, since I may need to wear this off and on for YEARS! Ugh. So how does one choose from flesh colored to crazy colorful tattoo-looking sleeves? Unfortunately, insurance won't pay for these cute ones, but Jen said to bite the bullet and just get these! I'm thinking I like these the best: dahlia, damask mocha, flora, grace, magnolia, midnight lace, onyx with crystal swirl or snowflake, plum blossom, purple paisley or zahara! I sure hope I can just get the gauntlet vs the glove for my hand but I'll ask tomorrow. Here a just a couple samples.

But the best part of my past couple days has been last night! We had a campfire with friends and our first official Christmas Gathering in our Wonderly Woods! Thankful for Mike Moorehead and Jake Cass for bringing their guitars and everyone for helping us make memories!

 Check out the size of this bonfire John created! It was 5x3 feet!!

 Jordan is my new little friend who has a sweet spirit and a voice like a songbird. She also will teach me how to make home made peppermint patties!

 Jake Cassinari, aka, luminary expert and strummer, and Nichole Wilson who drove all the way from Nashville, TN just for this!

 Great friend, Courtney, and one of her little dudes, Eli! The boy liked the hot chocolate and LOTS of marshmallows. Can you blame him?

 Great neighbor, Steve Thompson! He gets the award for walking ALL the way to the campsite by himself, and even crossed the creek on foot!

 Dearest friends from Hamilton, OH for almost 15 years now! Drs. Mike and Andrea Moorehead!

 Sarah Jean, my beautiful daughter, and handsome Connor drove all the way from Columbus, Ohio to be with us! I'm so blessed to have a daughter who loves to be with me, even if it's 12 degrees outside! Thankfully, the fire helped keep us all warm!

 Amy and Alan Kilbourne and girls! And, yes, we have officially scheduled our first Frozen Butt Hang for 2017, thanks to their encouragement!

Our newest friends, the Kirklands! It was awesome to have them up twice in one week, y'all!

Day December 17, 2016 Gifts Galore!!! And Santa At Bill's Donuts!

Yesterday was filled with miracles and gifts from God! He blesses me every day, but I don't always see it. Yesterday was very special and I saw it in a way that I want to share.

To start, I woke up and looked in the mirror. I HAD BEDHEAD! Now in my past, I would have thought nothing of it. But after being bald since July 4, 2016, which is exactly 165 days, my hairstyle has not been anything to brag about. First, my hair is growing in mostly gray, very thin, and somewhat patchy. Not highly attractive. Actually, I sported bald better than fuzz. But it has to grow in sometime. So for the past 2 months, I have not shaved my head at all and it's been growing in slowly. But when I woke up and looked in the mirror my hair was 'messy' and I needed to wet it down to look 'good' (everything is truly relative). I was thrilled to have enough hair to say I had bedhead. My bald chemo friends and bald guy friends could probably appreciate this the most!

Then last night I had a complete and total surprise visit from some very special people. My former sister in law, Debbie Kindschuh, and her husband, Randy and a family friend, Jamie, rang my doorbell  and totally blessed me with the gift of time and love! I haven't seen them for many, many years. But some people, like Debbie, did not let my divorce to her brother stop her friendship and love for me! We had such a fun, sweet few hours together. We even ran into Santa coming out of Bill's Donut Shop!! They were visiting in Columbus, OH for a sporting event and Deb said she HAD to find a way to drive almost 2 hours to come see me! I am so blessed!

Day December 15, 2016 Test Results Are In

Since Tuesday, I have awaited the phone call from Dr. Manders' office giving me the report from my CT and nuclear bone scans. In fact, when I drove home from Cincinnati after the tests that day, the roads up near me were getting packed with freshly fallen snow and I decided to take a walk in our woods. It was truly healing and magical. There were at least 5 inches of powder on the ground and each leaf, stick, and rock was holding a little mound of snow, even the rocks in our creek, making it look like a Christmas card. I walked through the woods singing, Lord I Need You with my arms stretched wide and tears fell down my cheek as I worshiped my sweet Jesus. I made the first footprint to track across the bridge, through the creek, and over the hill to the campfire area. I sat and looked up at the sky and the tree branches were like God's arms holding and hugging me. I admit I had a good cry. Some tears were from the fear of the unknown, some from relief of having the tests done, and some from my deep dependence on God through all this. What a gift to have our Wonderly Woods as my respite, my heaven on earth.

 I needed to be alone with God in our woods.

Then Wednesday was bitter sweet. We had some new friends over for dinner, a young couple from a new church in Cincinnati who recently moved here and are  settling in. The Kirklands were a delight and we thoroughly loved their company. Then before I went to bed, I received a text from my sweet new friend, Karen, who is going through all this breast cancer with me. She did not get the pathology report she hoped for and needs more surgery and testing done. Please pray for Karen's healing and our trust in God through it all. We both see that our friendship is a gift from God.

Thankfully, today she and I spent the entire day together. We made waffles, did our post surgery stretches and exercises together, and were just with each other. It's nice when you don't have to explain what you're  going through because that person understands perfectly. I was there for her just as much as she was there for me because today I got my report and I did not want to be alone when that call came.

So the news is mostly awesome. The CT scan came back with nothing concerning. Praise  you, Lord!  The nuclear bone scan was almost clear but there was one abnormal area near my eye that showed a concern. The nurse told me not to worry about it and that the medical oncologist will review it on Monday and go over it. As much as I am choosing not to be too concerned, I will feel better after the doctor tells me it's not concern. I was told that he may order another MRI or CT of that area to rule out anything.  Even my sister, Karen, who works in oncology said that she is not concerned about it and said I should not worry.

So for now, I am thankful. I am choosing not to worry, and I am looking forward to Monday and hearing what Dr. Cody has to say. As my motto remains to be...I choose joy.

Day December 13, 2016 Scans, Snow, and Ice Cream

Up at 5 am to be at the hospital by 6:45 a.m. The first test performed was a nuclear bone scan. After my port was accessed, I was injected with a radio isotope and waited for 2 hours before they scanned me. It was painless, but took a long time. I was seen at 7 a.m. and was finished at 11 a.m.

Then I went to CT imaging and was told to drink a bottle of some water like liquid within the next 1.5 hours. This was for the CT scans and again, painless and fast once I drank the solution for contrast. The hardest part was getting more liquid swallowed, even with fresh squeezed lemon!

Thankfully,  when it was all over and I started heading home, I was greeted by the most glorious snowy woods where John's shop is. I went for a walk by myself and had some much needed alone God time. I sang songs of worship, prayed, and cried. As much as I know I need to trust and as much as I can, I am. However, not knowing if tomorrow or Thursday I will discover whether or not I have metastasized cancer is quite unnerving.  But it could  not have been more beautiful in our Wonderly Woods and I have joy in knowing I am heard and seen and loved by my Heavenly Father

Then for the cherry on the top, we received a Christmas gift today from a dear friend of ours, Michael K. He knows my weakness for Graeter's Peppermint Ice Cream and home made chocolate ganache and he lovingly provided the ice cream....feeling very thankful for friends who surprise me with such thoughtful gifts! I also cried when I opened this.  It's a sign that I must need some. Lots of tears today as I feel heavy and wonder about the results from today's tests. Perhaps it will ease my mind.

Day December 12, 2016 Unplugged and Happy Anniversary

This morning I arrived at Dr. Manders, hoping to get my drain removed. But I had  a little excitement yesterday, so I wasn't sure how she would react. John and I had lots of wood to chop and move for an event we are having this upcoming weekend, so he chopped and tossed me the logs and I moved the 4 ft logs (they were relatively thin and I could mostly hold them with one arm strength) onto our John Deere Gator to relocate to our campsite. After 3 hours of doing that and all the bouncing around on the Gator, we went home. I then proceeded to not bother John and I climbed up on our kitchen stool to search out a Christmas tin in the back of a cabinet. Unfortunately, the stool slipped from under my feet, a glass baking dish went flying, and landed on the floor, in shock and unable to catch my breath for a few minutes. The fear that I just ripped out any sutures and damaged my already bruised chest was very intense and I sat in shock for a few minutes while John tried helping me assess my injuries. Thankfully, I only endured a couple new bruises on my arm and leg. But for some odd reason, whether it was from working too much in the woods or from the stress of a fall, I produced 3-4 times the amount of fluid from my drain and I was concerned she would not removed the drain. Thankfully, she did remove it, told me to slow it down, and then gave me instructions for the extreme tightness in my arm, ibuprofen every 8 hours and a heating pad.

This morning I woke up realizing it was December 12th. It is my 4th anniversary. I was actually a little sad thinking about how this poor man is now dealing with a wife who has cancer! I felt so badly for him that this isn't what he bargained for. But he came sweetly up to me and stroked my grey peach fuzz and said, "But we love each other and we are doing this together, right?" Ok...melt my heart. He is the kindest man and so selfless. It is true. We are doing it together, as our marriage motto states. But I was just hoping our togetherness wouldn't include cancer within 5 years of knowing the man! Then I went into the kitchen and he has flowers and a sweet card waiting for me.

So I can honestly say that I am so thankful for being alive TODAY and I choose to celebrate my gift from God one more year. Thank you sweet Jesus.

Then I had the privilege of having lunch with my chemo salon sister, Karen. We enjoyed the entire afternoon together and I'm so thankful that God brought her into my life.

Day December 11, 2016 Christmas Has Begun. Oh The Joys! Even The Ones That Don't Look Like It.

Isn't it funny how different all our lives are? Some friends are fervently praying over their son as he was deported on Friday to the Middle East as a member of the honored Navy Seals...praying with you Linda and Burr. We love you guys.

Another friend was at home recovering from her breast cancer surgery 4 days ago and hoping there were clean margins...praying here too Karen,

while another friend is dealing with the loss of her husband and how to raise 3 little children without him and how their 1st Christmas without him will look...love you dear, sweet Liz.

That is just the beginning. We all have a story. However, without Christ, I don't know how any one of us gets through life? I may not be the most scholarly and learned in the Bible, but I know my Jesus is real, loves me, died for me, and paid for my sins (and there is no shortage in that department!), and one day He will bring me home. For that, I am humbled and thankful to Him. It does not mean I don't struggle some days. It does not mean I don't get sad or ask why other days. It means I always go back to trust in the end. Trust His plans for my life. Trust that His ways are so much higher than mine. Trust and submit my life to His will. I understand and love the Bible verse more and more...For me to live is Christ and to die is gain. Sweet words of comfort.

As for it being a Sunday, I'm still not attending church. I want and need to continue protecting my immune system. But on December 23rd, I plan on making a special trip to my beloved body of believers at Red Door for their Christmas service. It will be good food for my soul to see these people whom I love so much. But at least I can listen to the sermons
for now.

Thankfully, we have some friends from Red Door that come up for a visit on occasion and last night was one of those very precious times. John hired Matt a few years ago as an apprentice and their personalities, talents, and high caliber character traits make their working relationship ideal. For me, it's a blessing because we just love their whole family and have started a tradition that we hope will go on for decades. They bring their daughters up and we all have a time of fine dining...John Wonderly style, which means something decadent on the grill, then exchange gifts and head over to the Wonderly Woods and have a bonfire, hot chocolate, and listen to John and Evi read the Christmas story and we all talk about God's goodness and enjoy the simplicity of the moonlit sky and seduction of the campfire's flames. Once Mea falls asleep and Marisa and I can't keep our eyes open any longer, we take the gator ride back through the 8 acres of woods and turn in for the night and look forward to another year.

These are the unforgettable, sweet gifts I see God unwrapping for me this year. Loved ones, campfires, and being alive.