When I blogged last week, I accurately described my 'chemo brain fog' and by last Thursday evening, I would say it was gone and our weekend camping in Red River Gorge was wonderful! The weather was perfect, the friends were delightful, the adventure was full of laughs and thrills as we had our maiden voyage on our John Deere Gator and rode the trails around the hills, pond, rocks, and forested areas near our friend's cabin. Then we topped off each night and early morning with a camp fire and good conversation and relaxation, followed by sleeping under the stars in our hammocks. I would say it was a perfect weekend!
Today, before my chemo appointment, I met with a friend and business partner who is working with a company to help facilitate healthy cultures within companies, especially family owned and operated ones. They are potentially working with offices in the dental industry, as well as, medical and manufacturing, etc., and it piqued my interest to learn more about how they operate. I will pray that God will open doors that He wants me to walk through, whether it be clinical dentistry or something else. Once I complete all my cancer treatments and shoulder surgery, I hope to hop right back in to dental hygiene, but my boss wisely informed me to keep my eyes and ears open for how work might look for me if clinical dentistry cannot be done. I hope and anticipate that dental hygiene is what I will do until I retire, but I need to be open minded to how God plans on using my skills, passion, and abilities post treatment should it look different than what I plan. I am keeping open minded. One fact I must bear in mind is my chemo brain. Supposedly it goes away, but I recently learned that it may not for years! So, again, I am letting God drive this train and I will need to watch it unfold in the coming months.
Then at 11:20 am I went to my 'chemo salon' and met with Dr. Cody and got my weekly dose of Abraxane and anti-nausea meds with steroids. I really like him as a medical oncologist. He lowered my steroid dose today considering I informed him that last week I was up until 5:30 a.m. after chemo!! The administering of the meds today was easy, despite the fact that I forgot to put my topical anesthetic cream on my port access beforehand. The nurse used a topical spray and I freaked out a little before, but was pleasantly surprised at how it really did not hurt at all that way. While I got my chemo, I will say I quickly realized that jittery feeling was back. Again, it's like I had too much caffeine and I'm buzzing. My thinking and processing is affected, my vision is affected and my personality feels different. I feel impatient and 'off'. Thankfully, my week is going to be easy for the next few days. Nothing major planned until Thursday when I'm supposed to have CPR training at work. I literally have to think about everything I'm doing to make sure I am not forgetting anything. I feel scatter-brained.
Unfortunately, I read an article on Wikipedia that stated that there is a real risk of a condition called PCCI (post chemotherapy cognitive impairment) that is found in breast cancer survivors who had high dosing chemo and are pre-menopausal. Great. I was mostly all three but am currently having a hot flash as I type, so I'm not too pre-menopausal! Some people have this chemo brain for YEARS following chemo. God, I would like it if I did not. Please pray for me that it will all go away following my next and last chemo on November 7th!!!
So, yes, let's talk about next Monday. It is my LAST chemo appointment. Of course I'm very thankful, however, again today I met another lady who sat next to me while I had my appointment and she was another stage 4 breast cancer patient. She is my age, 50. She looks great and is on her 2nd bout of cancer treatments, but she will have chemo FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE! So, while I'm very thankful to know I am done with chemo, I am heavy-hearted for those ladies I've met who will never be done. She is a Christian and has a great attitude, but still, I realize it could be any of us in that situation. In fact, I asked Dr. Cody today to confirm that my cancer really isn't even given an final stageing. He agreed. Until my surgery, I won't know my real stage of breast cancer. Right now, it's 2A, but that won't be fully known until the end of November when I have my surgery.
I think tonight will be best if I just turn on a movie, take a Benadryl, and try to sleep. I also just realized that I forgot to pick up Benadryl, so now I'm hoping that I will just sleep at some point in the night.
I'll be praying for those people God puts on my heart.
Monday, October 31, 2016
Thursday, October 27, 2016
Day October 27, 2016 I'm Losing My Mind And My Feet. Funky Day
It's gloomy outside today. I can relate. I'm feeling schleppy today. There is no specific reason I can point to, so I blame cloudy, grey, wet, cold weather, my newest brain fog from chemo and steroids, and my hormones in a perpetual state of degradation.
I have noticed some really crazy thought processes I've had right after getting chemo that is beginning to scare me a little. Like the time I was driving in Illinois a couple months ago and turned on a country road where there were no other cars around and I literally couldn't figure out what side of the road I was supposed to be on, so I sat in the middle of this quiet road and called my husband and had to humbly ask, "Don't ask why...just tell me what side of the road I'm supposed to be driving on." Ugh. That was a bizarre moment and hasn't happened since, but I remember thinking that my cognitive processes were definitely affected for a brief moment in a way that was really strange.
Then just this week, another moment like that happened again, but not with driving. John and I were driving home in separate cars and he asked me to pull out the garbage can from the garage before I pulled in. Well, I decided to drive to our mailbox first allowing him to pull in first. In my mind, I figured he would grab the garbage can. When I did pull in, I grabbed the recycling bin and walked it to the curb. Then once we got inside, I asked him if he grabbed the garbage can and he looked at me with shock and concern and informed me that I had literally just taken the garbage can to the curb before bringing the recycling bin down. I thought he was kidding at first, but after many interrogating questions, I realized that I simply did not remember doing it even though it was less than 3 minutes earlier.
Today I would say that my brain feels similar to when I've had too much espresso. It's pinging and I'm having a challenging time feeling calm or focusing on one thing. My vision is even affected and when I came out of the grocery store this afternoon, I couldn't find my car despite the few cars in the parking lot. When I went up to the only white car in the lot, I was a little freaked out when I realized it indeed was mine! It looked smaller than what I remembered my car being, so I didn't think it was my car until I saw the license plate. I think I need to just stay home and color or something.
I suppose it's better than feeling nauseated, in discomfort, or flu-like. Yet, I would say that it's a concern and I know I'm not the only one who has been noticing as John and I talked about it the other night. He shared his concerns so gently with me, trying not to make me feel badly. And yet he really is noticing the changes in my personality, focus, and forgetfulness, too.
Because of that, I did call my oncologist today and asked about it and they assured me that it's totally expected and normal and they called it chemo brain. I personally called the brain pain when I had the first chemo drugs "chemo brain", but I guess there are lots of displays this chemo brain can have. I was glad to know that they said that eventually it will dissipate after the chemo is done.
Other than that symptom, I do have a little neuropathy on my feet where my heels feel a little numb and tingly, but again, it's no biggie.
I am looking forward to this weekend as we will be hanging our hammocks for the first time this year! We will enjoy peak fall colors and good friends and hopefully take my mind off of my crazy mind.
So all in all, I feel good and my attitude is generally awesome, however, today I was in a funk.
I have noticed some really crazy thought processes I've had right after getting chemo that is beginning to scare me a little. Like the time I was driving in Illinois a couple months ago and turned on a country road where there were no other cars around and I literally couldn't figure out what side of the road I was supposed to be on, so I sat in the middle of this quiet road and called my husband and had to humbly ask, "Don't ask why...just tell me what side of the road I'm supposed to be driving on." Ugh. That was a bizarre moment and hasn't happened since, but I remember thinking that my cognitive processes were definitely affected for a brief moment in a way that was really strange.
Then just this week, another moment like that happened again, but not with driving. John and I were driving home in separate cars and he asked me to pull out the garbage can from the garage before I pulled in. Well, I decided to drive to our mailbox first allowing him to pull in first. In my mind, I figured he would grab the garbage can. When I did pull in, I grabbed the recycling bin and walked it to the curb. Then once we got inside, I asked him if he grabbed the garbage can and he looked at me with shock and concern and informed me that I had literally just taken the garbage can to the curb before bringing the recycling bin down. I thought he was kidding at first, but after many interrogating questions, I realized that I simply did not remember doing it even though it was less than 3 minutes earlier.
Today I would say that my brain feels similar to when I've had too much espresso. It's pinging and I'm having a challenging time feeling calm or focusing on one thing. My vision is even affected and when I came out of the grocery store this afternoon, I couldn't find my car despite the few cars in the parking lot. When I went up to the only white car in the lot, I was a little freaked out when I realized it indeed was mine! It looked smaller than what I remembered my car being, so I didn't think it was my car until I saw the license plate. I think I need to just stay home and color or something.
I suppose it's better than feeling nauseated, in discomfort, or flu-like. Yet, I would say that it's a concern and I know I'm not the only one who has been noticing as John and I talked about it the other night. He shared his concerns so gently with me, trying not to make me feel badly. And yet he really is noticing the changes in my personality, focus, and forgetfulness, too.
Because of that, I did call my oncologist today and asked about it and they assured me that it's totally expected and normal and they called it chemo brain. I personally called the brain pain when I had the first chemo drugs "chemo brain", but I guess there are lots of displays this chemo brain can have. I was glad to know that they said that eventually it will dissipate after the chemo is done.
Other than that symptom, I do have a little neuropathy on my feet where my heels feel a little numb and tingly, but again, it's no biggie.
I am looking forward to this weekend as we will be hanging our hammocks for the first time this year! We will enjoy peak fall colors and good friends and hopefully take my mind off of my crazy mind.
So all in all, I feel good and my attitude is generally awesome, however, today I was in a funk.
Monday, October 24, 2016
Day October 24, 2016 Chemo Countdown, Tattoo Inspiration, and Delicious Cappuccino with Michaelah
 | |||
since my first biopsy. And it's been a remarkable journey thus far. God
has been able to show me much about Himself, myself, and others. I am not one to allow myself to let even cancer keep me down, I choose joy in the trial, I want to see God's handiwork in everything I'm
experiencing, He shows me how good He is and how much He loves me no matter life's circumstances, and He has especially taught me how
unattached I need to be to this body thanks to Dr. Mary Neal who I met in Jackson, WY this summer. It IS a gift each day to be alive, but my promise for an eternal future with Him is far better and I gain nothing by being perpetually gripped by fear, anger, or sadness. And until that time comes, I will serve Him wholeheartedly, seek Him in big and small things, and trust Him to be close, true, and my reason for being alive. What I've learned about others is that we never really know what others are going through, so I choose to be more compassionate.
Others sometimes surprise me, too. There are those who disappointed me in their distancing during a difficult time when I thought they would show more compassion. For that, I have let go and forgive. Like I said, I don't know what they might be struggling or challenged with, so it's best to focus on those who God put in my life to show me His goodness. Those are the others who displayed unbelievable acts of love, kindness, and generosity. There are acquaintances that became friends, friends that became like family, and family that I can say I became closer to than before my cancer. There are those who brought us meals, those who sent cards and texts, those who visited for hours to keep me company, those who drove me to my chemo appointments and stayed with me to cook, clean and comfort, and those who generously gave monetarily from my dental patients to John's hockey teammates and everyone in between! There are so many that have shown both John and me just how much they truly love us and for that, we are profoundly thankful. Like I mentioned, I am very humbled. I am so blessed. After my chemo appointment today, which went well and I got to spend it with my daughter, Sarah, I was asked to attend a friend and sister in Christ's tattooing session.
If you have not yet watched this video, as I have referred to a few times in my blog, I can't say enough how this very video changed my life. I hope you make the time to watch it with an open mind and heart.
 | |||||||
| http://www.whitewhaletattoo.com/tattoos |
1 Peter 1: 23-25 (NLT)
For you have been born again, but not to a life that will quickly end. Your new life will last forever because it comes from the eternal, living
word of God. As the Scriptures say,
"People are like grass;
their beauty is like a flower in the field.
The grass withers and the flower fades.
But the word of the Lord remains forever.”
The grass withers and the flower fades.
But the word of the Lord remains forever.”
And that word is the Good News that was preached to you.
 | |||
| http://www.carabellocoffee.com/ |
Michaelah after her 'floral epidural engraving' to a most delicious
cappuccino. And to top off my day after chemo, not only did I get to
spend time with this dear friend, but she and I found ourselves in a
coffee shop sitting next to an old exposed brick wall that was holding
several tiny notes tucked in the missing mortar spaces between bricks.
We were moved to delicately remove one at a time, simply pray for each
person that God put on our hearts who wrote them, then place them back in their nest of safety in the wall. What a privilege and sweet time of prayer with a beautiful spirit and sister.
It's now 12:30 am and I have no sleep in these eyes. Oh, Lord, another night of steroid productivity!
PS I'm not sure why the text presents with unusual spacing in the first paragraph when you view it, so please overlook it. I tried to fix, but I'm not that savvy.
Thursday, October 20, 2016
Day October 21, 2016 Minor Side Effects Of My New Chemo Drug, Abraxane and Check Out My Doppelganger!
My response to anyone who asks me how I am feeling for the past several weeks has been, "If I weren't bald, I wouldn't even know I was undergoing chemo!" This round of drugs is much gentler on me than the first cocktail. However, today I have noticed my first negative side effect of the 'easy' chemo drug and, although it's not complaint worthy, I do feel it's good to document.
So my mouth tastes constantly like I'm sucking on metal! All food tastes metallic, and my mouth is more dry than usual. I might even be a little more tired than usual, but it could also be from over activity.
The good news is that the new meds don't seem to be causing as much hair loss as the previous ones and I do believe my hair is starting to grow back in! In fact, I decided not to shave my head anymore and my head hair has been growing now for the past 4-5 days so I have a nice peach fuzz feeling head again and I will just keep it that way and let it grow in more to see how it looks. I started noticing this after a 3 month cessation of all hair growth. I actually am starting to get armpit, leg, and all ;) hair, too! I laugh to think how so many compliment me on my baldness and I even received this photo of my 'doppelganger' from a friend's dad who said that he thinks my baldness looks so good, that I should just keep shaving my head even after it starts growing back in!
So my mouth tastes constantly like I'm sucking on metal! All food tastes metallic, and my mouth is more dry than usual. I might even be a little more tired than usual, but it could also be from over activity.
The good news is that the new meds don't seem to be causing as much hair loss as the previous ones and I do believe my hair is starting to grow back in! In fact, I decided not to shave my head anymore and my head hair has been growing now for the past 4-5 days so I have a nice peach fuzz feeling head again and I will just keep it that way and let it grow in more to see how it looks. I started noticing this after a 3 month cessation of all hair growth. I actually am starting to get armpit, leg, and all ;) hair, too! I laugh to think how so many compliment me on my baldness and I even received this photo of my 'doppelganger' from a friend's dad who said that he thinks my baldness looks so good, that I should just keep shaving my head even after it starts growing back in!
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
Day October 18, 2016 Success On Many Levels and HOLY CATFISH!
This might be the most legendary Annual Girls+ Weekend ever! First, I will say that Monday I had chemo and was joined by my sweet friends, Brooklyn Mesward and Liz Pieniazek AND we had a guest join us for part of the famous event for 2 of the days, Daniel Mesward! These people thoroughly entertained me during my chemo appointment by challenging each other to a Jelly Belly Bamboozled jelly bean eating contest. Poor Daniel unluckily picked the dog food, vomit, dead fish, and mouldy cheese jelly bellies more than the caramel corn and tutti fruity! I would say we collectively entertained the entire chemo salon for 2+ hours with our laughter and 'OH Gross! comments!
Chemo, once again was a cake walk for me, praise the Lord! My blood work was great and my feet are totally back to normal. So everyone is happy!
Today I went fishing with my girls and caught the biggest fish I've ever landed! Check out my 10+ lb catfish! This beast was a riot to actually get from the pond to the house, but the details of that story will be saved in our memories because it was filled with a couple expletives as the slimy 30.5" creature snapped my fishing line right when I dragged her on the shoreline and she started flopping around and I had literally no idea how to hold it and move it safely without potentially jabbing myself. (Not good for white blood counts!) Brooklyn encouraged me to 'man up' and grab that Bertha and save it so it didn't flop in the water. We had nothing big enough to bring it home in so we got creative! We can honestly say that the past 3 days have been filled with gut wrenching laughter, some tears, many heart to heart conversations, healing friendships, lots of reminiscing of Jordan, prayers, and good food....oh, and some crazy naked moments!
So, cancer really isn't holding me back from living life fully! I often tell people who ask me how I'm feeling, that if I weren't bald, I would not even know I had cancer! This is an acknowledgement to all you who pray for me, and for a God who is allowing me to have such a great attitude through this trial. Honestly, I can't say enough how thankful I am that I feel this well during chemotherapy! It's pretty much amazing and I'm greatly humbled by my prayer warriors out there who remember me often. I do not take your prayers for granted.
Tonight I will enjoy catfish tacos, courtesy of Bertha, the fish and Susan Muterspaw for allowing us to fish in their pond!
Chemo, once again was a cake walk for me, praise the Lord! My blood work was great and my feet are totally back to normal. So everyone is happy!
Today I went fishing with my girls and caught the biggest fish I've ever landed! Check out my 10+ lb catfish! This beast was a riot to actually get from the pond to the house, but the details of that story will be saved in our memories because it was filled with a couple expletives as the slimy 30.5" creature snapped my fishing line right when I dragged her on the shoreline and she started flopping around and I had literally no idea how to hold it and move it safely without potentially jabbing myself. (Not good for white blood counts!) Brooklyn encouraged me to 'man up' and grab that Bertha and save it so it didn't flop in the water. We had nothing big enough to bring it home in so we got creative! We can honestly say that the past 3 days have been filled with gut wrenching laughter, some tears, many heart to heart conversations, healing friendships, lots of reminiscing of Jordan, prayers, and good food....oh, and some crazy naked moments!
So, cancer really isn't holding me back from living life fully! I often tell people who ask me how I'm feeling, that if I weren't bald, I would not even know I had cancer! This is an acknowledgement to all you who pray for me, and for a God who is allowing me to have such a great attitude through this trial. Honestly, I can't say enough how thankful I am that I feel this well during chemotherapy! It's pretty much amazing and I'm greatly humbled by my prayer warriors out there who remember me often. I do not take your prayers for granted.
Tonight I will enjoy catfish tacos, courtesy of Bertha, the fish and Susan Muterspaw for allowing us to fish in their pond!
Saturday, October 15, 2016
Day October 15, 2016 God Shines In The Courtroom
Yesterday was a big, heavy, long-awaited for day! To anyone who has been reading my blog knows that the day I had my biopsy on May 6, 2016 was the day my friend, Jordan Pieniazek, had his Celebration of Life service. He was killed on May 1, 2016 after being struck on his motorcycle while driving to work for the Cincinnati Fire Department. And after many months of tears, Jordan's wife, Liz, finally got to meet the young man who struck Jordan, Patric Tucker, and she forgave him and gave him a hug. Several of Liz' family members and friends attended the final sentencing yesterday at the Hamilton County Courthouse in Cincinnati. Patric, a 25 year old young man, stood next to his lawyer and apologized whole-heartedly to Liz and in return, Liz read a letter to Patric that had the courtroom silent and in tears as she gave the most loving, forgiving, genuine, tender-hearted discourse a man in his shoes could hear. Even the judge was in tears and the prosecutor was in tears and I believe Patric will become the man God created him to be because of the manner in which Liz and Jordan's family loved the Tucker family through this tragedy.
http://www.wlwt.com/article/man-convicted-of-causing-crash-that-killed-firefighter-sentenced-to-probation/6098382
I am thankful I have continued to feel exceptionally normal through all my chemo treatment this week. My feet are looking normal again, my energy level is steady, my appetite is almost too good, and I was able to do several activities that I am thankful for. I drove to Columbus, Ohio to help my daughter move, I went to the dentist and had a cavity filled (yes, even hygienists can get cavities!), I went fishing in my friend's pond and we caught more than a dozen keepers, and I was able to attend the final sentencing for Jordan's case. Unbelievable that while undergoing chemo, I can live life fully! So thankful!
Today I will have the whole day free and I plan on getting soups made, laundry done, and the house ready for my Annual Girl's Weekend starting Sunday. Liz Pieniazek and Brooklyn Mesward will even join me on Monday for my chemo. I think we might have too much fun at the 'chemo salon' but I'm looking forward to the trouble we might get in! Our annual weekends usually have been filled with nursing or pregnant mamas, pranks, laughs, crafts, and good food. This year will look very different as all three of us have experienced extreme loss and difficulty in the past year. Job loss and moving out of state away from their friends and church home for Brooklyn, becoming a widow for Liz, and a breast cancer diagnosis for me. AND we all have the loss of each others loss on top of our own. I am thankful I feel well enough to even have this weekend with these beautiful ladies!
http://www.wlwt.com/article/man-convicted-of-causing-crash-that-killed-firefighter-sentenced-to-probation/6098382
I am thankful I have continued to feel exceptionally normal through all my chemo treatment this week. My feet are looking normal again, my energy level is steady, my appetite is almost too good, and I was able to do several activities that I am thankful for. I drove to Columbus, Ohio to help my daughter move, I went to the dentist and had a cavity filled (yes, even hygienists can get cavities!), I went fishing in my friend's pond and we caught more than a dozen keepers, and I was able to attend the final sentencing for Jordan's case. Unbelievable that while undergoing chemo, I can live life fully! So thankful!
Today I will have the whole day free and I plan on getting soups made, laundry done, and the house ready for my Annual Girl's Weekend starting Sunday. Liz Pieniazek and Brooklyn Mesward will even join me on Monday for my chemo. I think we might have too much fun at the 'chemo salon' but I'm looking forward to the trouble we might get in! Our annual weekends usually have been filled with nursing or pregnant mamas, pranks, laughs, crafts, and good food. This year will look very different as all three of us have experienced extreme loss and difficulty in the past year. Job loss and moving out of state away from their friends and church home for Brooklyn, becoming a widow for Liz, and a breast cancer diagnosis for me. AND we all have the loss of each others loss on top of our own. I am thankful I feel well enough to even have this weekend with these beautiful ladies!
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
Day October 11, 2016 Making The Most Of My Days And Seeing God In Them All
First, it's 2:24 a.m. and I have not fallen asleep yet, nor do I feel tired. Oh boy do steroids keep me up!
The best part of my day on Monday was how well I tolerated the Abraxane chemo drug again. And because I went solo, I had time to visit with a couple other awesome battling Warriors, Karen and Jen, while receiving treatment. And God reminded me of just how different each and every person undergoing cancer treatment is so unique, both in attitude, personality, and diagnosis/treatment/prognosis. In fact, Karen and I have chatted several times and found some comfort and familiarity in that our journey has been almost exactly the same...Stage 2 Invasive Ductile Carcinoma ER/PR + and HER -. Our treatment is almost exactly the same and we even have our last chemo on the same date! It's easy to say, "Hey, did you have this or that happen?" Then , I was introduced to Jen. She has been in the chemo salon before but I had not talked to her. I finally had the privilege of meeting this amazing woman. She was diagnosed last year with Stage 4 breast cancer. I learned that she already had round 1 of chemo, then double mastectomy, and radiation. So when she was receiving chemo AGAIN, I asked why that was. Then I learned the shocking and difficult thing to hear and digest (even for someone that already HAS breast cancer!) which is that this 33ish year old mom is terminal, will have chemo for the REST OF HER LIFE, and has little ones at home. She discovered she had breast cancer when she was nursing her newborn and thought she had mastitis! The part that caused me to pause, is how her attitude soared, her countenance was peaceful and hopeful, and she was so easy to talk to. Yet the whole time, I realized that even I wondered what to say and thought I needed to be sensitive about how I ask or phrase things. See, it was so much easier chatting freely with Karen because we are in the same boat. Yet, how must that same reality be for those who do not have/nor ever had cancer? Probably could be the same internal caution when talking to me, wondering what's ok to ask or not, wondering if I will be offended by someone's questions, hoping they didn't cause me to feel upset by their questions. Well, I'm here to say that it's just lovely that people ask! I know I'm an open book when it comes to asking and answering questions and not everyone is, yet, it's so much more humane and thoughtful to at least have conversations about how someone is doing, what they are going through, and just saying something to us vs. ignoring a person or never taking a few minutes to let them know you care about them or will pray for them. This was my lesson for the day. Thank you, Jen, for helping me grow as a person internally and I now realize that fear of what others might think of me is far less important than letting others know THAT they think of me!
When I finished my treatment I stopped by to visit a couple friends, Courtney and the gang at the Lebanon dental office and Susan Muterspaw. We yucked it up a long while and decided that Thursday we are going fishing in their pond! Just the two of us. It should get comical since she informed me she does not take fish off hooks, nor cleans them. I guess I have my work cut out for me and if we can stop laughing at each other long enough to actually catch fish, I'll be impressed!
As I cut the grass Monday evening, I listened to the first sermon in a series that my church started on Sunday on the Old Testament book, Exodus. Had a very solid start. I appreciate how Josh teaches from Scripture and can make something like an antiquated book so relevant. Since I choose not to go to church these days to keep away from so many germs, I find that listening to audio books and sermons along with Pandora worship music is a good substitute for now. Feel free to listen if it floats your boat. http://iamreddoor.org/sermons/exodus/
After that sermon ended, I cranked up my Pandora station named "King of My Heart" and as familiar songs played, I sang at the top of my lungs since the lawn mower is loud and I'm sure my voice was somewhat muffled, but honestly, I did not really care. I literally was so full of praise and even came inside and continued as I raised my hands in worship to such an amazingly loving and tender Father. Worship is so good for my soul.
The best part of my day on Monday was how well I tolerated the Abraxane chemo drug again. And because I went solo, I had time to visit with a couple other awesome battling Warriors, Karen and Jen, while receiving treatment. And God reminded me of just how different each and every person undergoing cancer treatment is so unique, both in attitude, personality, and diagnosis/treatment/prognosis. In fact, Karen and I have chatted several times and found some comfort and familiarity in that our journey has been almost exactly the same...Stage 2 Invasive Ductile Carcinoma ER/PR + and HER -. Our treatment is almost exactly the same and we even have our last chemo on the same date! It's easy to say, "Hey, did you have this or that happen?" Then , I was introduced to Jen. She has been in the chemo salon before but I had not talked to her. I finally had the privilege of meeting this amazing woman. She was diagnosed last year with Stage 4 breast cancer. I learned that she already had round 1 of chemo, then double mastectomy, and radiation. So when she was receiving chemo AGAIN, I asked why that was. Then I learned the shocking and difficult thing to hear and digest (even for someone that already HAS breast cancer!) which is that this 33ish year old mom is terminal, will have chemo for the REST OF HER LIFE, and has little ones at home. She discovered she had breast cancer when she was nursing her newborn and thought she had mastitis! The part that caused me to pause, is how her attitude soared, her countenance was peaceful and hopeful, and she was so easy to talk to. Yet the whole time, I realized that even I wondered what to say and thought I needed to be sensitive about how I ask or phrase things. See, it was so much easier chatting freely with Karen because we are in the same boat. Yet, how must that same reality be for those who do not have/nor ever had cancer? Probably could be the same internal caution when talking to me, wondering what's ok to ask or not, wondering if I will be offended by someone's questions, hoping they didn't cause me to feel upset by their questions. Well, I'm here to say that it's just lovely that people ask! I know I'm an open book when it comes to asking and answering questions and not everyone is, yet, it's so much more humane and thoughtful to at least have conversations about how someone is doing, what they are going through, and just saying something to us vs. ignoring a person or never taking a few minutes to let them know you care about them or will pray for them. This was my lesson for the day. Thank you, Jen, for helping me grow as a person internally and I now realize that fear of what others might think of me is far less important than letting others know THAT they think of me!
When I finished my treatment I stopped by to visit a couple friends, Courtney and the gang at the Lebanon dental office and Susan Muterspaw. We yucked it up a long while and decided that Thursday we are going fishing in their pond! Just the two of us. It should get comical since she informed me she does not take fish off hooks, nor cleans them. I guess I have my work cut out for me and if we can stop laughing at each other long enough to actually catch fish, I'll be impressed!
As I cut the grass Monday evening, I listened to the first sermon in a series that my church started on Sunday on the Old Testament book, Exodus. Had a very solid start. I appreciate how Josh teaches from Scripture and can make something like an antiquated book so relevant. Since I choose not to go to church these days to keep away from so many germs, I find that listening to audio books and sermons along with Pandora worship music is a good substitute for now. Feel free to listen if it floats your boat. http://iamreddoor.org/sermons/exodus/
After that sermon ended, I cranked up my Pandora station named "King of My Heart" and as familiar songs played, I sang at the top of my lungs since the lawn mower is loud and I'm sure my voice was somewhat muffled, but honestly, I did not really care. I literally was so full of praise and even came inside and continued as I raised my hands in worship to such an amazingly loving and tender Father. Worship is so good for my soul.
Sunday, October 9, 2016
Day October 9, 2016 A Good Report Of An Easy Chemo Week
Sunday I finally wore my wig for warmth! It was 60 outside and chilly in the house, so I woke up feeling like wearing hair. My daughter, Sarah, her boyfriend, Connor, and I went for a walk at Cox Arboretum and the heat from my head was held in nicely by my synthetic, long, brown locks...until a hot flash hit, then it was wonderful being able to whip it off and being bald for a few minutes until the flash passed. That's one benefit of being bald! Gotta find the positives.
I have gone all week without any negative side effects from this new chemo drug, Abraxane. Feet still looking good. I put the lovely Whipped Neem Balm on them nightly now and they just continue to improve and heal. I am very thankful this drug is working without my feet peeling. And to add to my foot comfort, I received a thoughtful gift of lavender filled booties from Lorna S. as a 50th birthday gift to soothe my tootsies! So many very generous people in this world! Lord, you are so good to me!
I've spent a few days this past week being with my dear friend, Liz Pieniazek, and her kids. I even got to bring all of the kids home one night for a sleep over while Liz got some difficult things done at home regarding the upcoming prosecution of the young man who hit and killed her husband, Jordan, on May 1, 2016. It's amazing that it's already October and the final prosecution is JUST NOW taking place! This has been so painstakingly difficult for Liz and I am so thankful that I am feeling well enough to watch her kids to ease her burden. We had a great time here at our house and theirs. We rode on our Gator, picked mushrooms, went to a pumpkin farm, creeked, read books, and I even got to work on their homeschooling lessons with them. I am so thankful my friends allow us to love on their kiddos from time to time with sleep overs at Papa John and Baby Pea's (that would be what these little ones call us). It blesses us and allows our friends to have some time for themselves now and then as well.
I am enjoying loudly listening to worship music on Pandora and being reminded of God's great love for me. A few weeks ago when I actually went to church at Red Door, I literally wept as I was in the midst of my church family and worshiping together with them corporately. I miss that tremendously.
This morning I will go to chemo by myself for the first time. It's a praise! Before this, I was very concerned about how I would respond after having the drug, but now I see how easy it is and I will have time to listen to music and my pastor, Josh Lenon's, sermon online, and hopefully bring a smile to the faces of other ladies that are in the battle with me.
I am looking so forward to continuing to respond so well to today's treatment as this weekend coming up will be another huge accomplishment in my treatment with me feeling well enough to have my annual girl's weekend with 2 ladies that I've spent the last 4 years celebrating friendship and life with. Thankfully, I think I'll actually be up for it again this year.
I have gone all week without any negative side effects from this new chemo drug, Abraxane. Feet still looking good. I put the lovely Whipped Neem Balm on them nightly now and they just continue to improve and heal. I am very thankful this drug is working without my feet peeling. And to add to my foot comfort, I received a thoughtful gift of lavender filled booties from Lorna S. as a 50th birthday gift to soothe my tootsies! So many very generous people in this world! Lord, you are so good to me!
I've spent a few days this past week being with my dear friend, Liz Pieniazek, and her kids. I even got to bring all of the kids home one night for a sleep over while Liz got some difficult things done at home regarding the upcoming prosecution of the young man who hit and killed her husband, Jordan, on May 1, 2016. It's amazing that it's already October and the final prosecution is JUST NOW taking place! This has been so painstakingly difficult for Liz and I am so thankful that I am feeling well enough to watch her kids to ease her burden. We had a great time here at our house and theirs. We rode on our Gator, picked mushrooms, went to a pumpkin farm, creeked, read books, and I even got to work on their homeschooling lessons with them. I am so thankful my friends allow us to love on their kiddos from time to time with sleep overs at Papa John and Baby Pea's (that would be what these little ones call us). It blesses us and allows our friends to have some time for themselves now and then as well.
I am enjoying loudly listening to worship music on Pandora and being reminded of God's great love for me. A few weeks ago when I actually went to church at Red Door, I literally wept as I was in the midst of my church family and worshiping together with them corporately. I miss that tremendously.
This morning I will go to chemo by myself for the first time. It's a praise! Before this, I was very concerned about how I would respond after having the drug, but now I see how easy it is and I will have time to listen to music and my pastor, Josh Lenon's, sermon online, and hopefully bring a smile to the faces of other ladies that are in the battle with me.
I am looking so forward to continuing to respond so well to today's treatment as this weekend coming up will be another huge accomplishment in my treatment with me feeling well enough to have my annual girl's weekend with 2 ladies that I've spent the last 4 years celebrating friendship and life with. Thankfully, I think I'll actually be up for it again this year.
Monday, October 3, 2016
Day October 3, 2016 Celebrating HUGELY My Daughter's 25th Year Of Life oh...and My Feet!
Today, I first want to thank God for the gift of 25 years of being the mother of this beautiful young woman! I will show you in many photos how Sarah Jean is a joy to love, full of laughter and compassion, and I am genuinely privileged to be called her mom.
Ireland 2015
With Abby Parmenter
With her cat, Basha
The CHCA Prom Queen 2010
Haiti Photo internship 2011
Haiti Photo internship 2011
With Alex Yan, her Chinese brother 2009
Creeking in Sharon Woods 2009
Florida circa 2006
Probably was told, "no."
One-ish
She invented cordless phones!? 2 yrs old
Definitely 4 yrs old and got her nails and make up recently done and a Longaberger purse for a birthday gift. And possibly an attitude. :)
One of my favorite pics of us. 2010
With Buxted and brother, Jon 2011
Grandma and Papa 2010 High School Graduation
Miami University graduation 2015: Judy, Dad (Luke), Papa Charlie, Grandma Barbie, Sarah, Connor, brother Jon, Tiffany (a former girlfriend..sorry Jon but it's the only family pic I have), John, Me, brother Alex Yan.
My firepit in Loveland 2011
Middle School-homeschool 2004/2005?
Hangin' with her Papa 2011
Homecoming CHCA 2006 with brother Jon
Hanging with Aunt Ro
One of our many kayaking adventures
With brother Jon- high school
With brother, Jon again 2013
Managed Deerfield Farmer's Market 2014
I guess she and Connor lost the race at the 2013 Muck Run. What sad faces.
With brother Jon.
And those were the days of short hair and transitional glasses! Oh my!
High school senior photos 2010
With her best friend, Renee Painter 2015
College buddy....? Katie? Help me out here SJ.
The ever joyful, always giggling, completely adorable, Tracy Franklin
Just us.
Renee again.
Great Grandma aka GG at 92
with Jon and Dad high school graduation 2010
Sarah and Alex battle it out and Sarah appears to be winning! 2009/10
Emily Scheie and Sarah pose as Victorian ladies gone rock and roll!
Elegant at cousin Abby's wedding. 2015
On a sailboat with Dad and brother. Can you say very chic!
College visits with mom 2008
Sarah and Connor...sign says it all. 2015
Don't mess with these two! In our woods, clay pigeon practice 2015
At a Miami University hockey game in our Wonder League jerseys! 2014
This is love...everyone grab a turban and pretend you are bald. Obvious a recent picture! With Connor, John, and Alex.
These best girls can have too much fun! Renee has been her best friend since freshman yr in high school.
With her Daddy. She might be a little spoiled by him?? :)
We were BA on the Little Miami River with a kayak paddle.
Graduation 2015 from M.U. with her Grammy again.
Howth, Ireland 2015
Our last Guinness in Dublin, Ireland with John and me 2015
At our friend's house in Illinois...sometime in high school
The big girl cousins, Sammie, Stephanee, Theresa and Breanna
Camping with John and me in Big South Fork 2013
Her first formal family portrait 1991
Thank you for obliging me while I share way too many photos of my sweet daughter on her birthday! Sad I won't be seeing her today, so hopefully she feels honored by filling my blog post!
As for today and my oncology appointment: Praise the Lord!! Dr. Cody agreed that my feet look great and continued my Abraxane medication. My dental patient, Lori Halter, drove ALL the way from Northern Kentucky to show her love and serve me well. She brought me to my chemo appointment and we got to catch up on our families, our faith, and our friendship. God is just so sweet to give me such a wealth of people who have come alongside me during this time in my life. So now I'm pumped full of chemo, anti-nausea meds and yes...steroids. So most likely, I won't be sleeping much tonight. Unfortunately, I also have continued to gain a pound a week and it's got to stop! So that's it! Cutting way back on all the things I should not be eating. I was doing so well at first and then got lax. Maybe now I can start walking again as my feel heal completely and I rebuild callous' on my feet again.
A sincere thank you for anyone who prayed for my feet and this new medication to work. May you be blessed this day.
Ireland 2015
With Abby Parmenter
With her cat, Basha
The CHCA Prom Queen 2010
Cousins: Rocki & Katlyn
Thank you for obliging me while I share way too many photos of my sweet daughter on her birthday! Sad I won't be seeing her today, so hopefully she feels honored by filling my blog post!
As for today and my oncology appointment: Praise the Lord!! Dr. Cody agreed that my feet look great and continued my Abraxane medication. My dental patient, Lori Halter, drove ALL the way from Northern Kentucky to show her love and serve me well. She brought me to my chemo appointment and we got to catch up on our families, our faith, and our friendship. God is just so sweet to give me such a wealth of people who have come alongside me during this time in my life. So now I'm pumped full of chemo, anti-nausea meds and yes...steroids. So most likely, I won't be sleeping much tonight. Unfortunately, I also have continued to gain a pound a week and it's got to stop! So that's it! Cutting way back on all the things I should not be eating. I was doing so well at first and then got lax. Maybe now I can start walking again as my feel heal completely and I rebuild callous' on my feet again.
A sincere thank you for anyone who prayed for my feet and this new medication to work. May you be blessed this day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)