Holding on to Beauty Despite the Unknown

Wednesday: infusion day at The James, Stephanie Spielman Breast Center. A six hour day that took 30 minutes to administer my Herceptin and Perjeta! The 1.5 hour drive there, the check-in process, the vitals, the port access, the saline drip while waiting for the meds to be prepared, the meds, the drive home and for the first time in my life…the event of running out of gas while driving home on the highway!

Left the house at 6:45 am and arrived back home at 12:30 pm! I’m so very thankful for the facility and my doctor and especially for my insurance! I found out recently when considering changing from my COBRA plan that will cost me an additional $7200 more this year in premiums (thanks Anthem!) than last year. Also those 2 drugs that I get every 3 weeks and will for the rest of my life, costs $14,000 and $27,000 each! You read that right! That doesn’t include the 3rd drug I get every other visit!!! Holy cow! How can anyone be uninsured and have cancer treatments and survive?  I’m so very thankful for all the ways God has provided for me so I can get my treatments!

All went well with the drug’s administration and I distracted my mind and chose to keep my heart on positive, healthy thoughts by reading through a Rick Steve’s travel guidebook on Scotland. On my bucket list there are a few places I’d love to fully experience and the Scottish Highlands is one of them. Of course in my past before diagnosis it was the casual statement to say that “one day” I’d go to Scotland. However, when one is given a terminal stage 4 diagnosis, all those “one days” take on a different priority and meaning EVEN if I feel great and can almost pretend on most days that I’m perfectly healthy. Those are the days to make dreams a reality and jump into that bucket! Last week I mentioned to John that even though we have plans to live in the WonderVan and travel to our favorite places in America and Canada, that I don’t want Scotland to have to wait until maybe someday…so we are hoping to go to Scotland this summer! The planning is half the fun! 

Thursday: best part of my day was the privilege of waking up next to my adoring husband then spending time with friends, first a very special time with Cat and then dinner with my former coworkers and all these hugs, smiles, laughter and authentic friendships are precious to me. I thought after I was basically forced into retirement by the diagnosis back in April 2022 that I’d lose touch with the fine folks at Advance Dentistry in West Chester, but when God puts people in my life that choose to stay, I graciously and humbly just say, “Thank you!” and receive their gift of love and acceptance. 

Friday started with finishing an interesting little book with my friend in France, Judy, as we continue our wonderful chats about how God is miraculously working in both our lives! An acquaintance of mine wrote it and it’s called ‘Messiah’s Star’ by Michael Dourson. A fascinating little read that discusses astrological discoveries on the probable dates surrounding Jesus’s birthday, based on new software and planetary/constellation movement, placement and conjunctions. According to these technological advances, Jesus was likely born June 17, 2BC. 

Then I made sure I got out on a couple short hikes. The first was with my dear, dear friend, Doni O who has a heart of pure gold! I got to take her to my bench at Patricia Allyn for the first time.

In the afternoon, LillyMae and I cranked it up a notch and power walked 2 miles! The reward was a most glorious waterfall tucked in the woods at Patricia Allyn park.

I arrived home to see my kitchen transformed. This week I sold our dining room table and chairs in preparation for WonderVan life. Now we are eating on a card table!! I couldn’t be more excited!! 

Saturday: I woke up to enjoy a warm cuppa and decided to update Dr Sudheendra, my oncologist, at The James on some physical changes I’m noticing. Here is what I wrote to her:

“I wanted to fill you in on some updated changes.

First, regarding the blisters on my left foot, the old ones are healing nicely, however, the evening of my last infusion, a new small one started on my left heel. They do not hurt nor itch.

Next, my right hand has developed some dry skin patches. The one closest to my fingers does not itch however, the patch closer to my wrist does.

Next, I have mentioned that my hands started developing more swelling and fingertips have more neuropathy with tingling, but I did not mentioned how I have noticed weakness in my hands. It is very challenging to open a jar lid, pull a can tab, or twist a stiff door knob.

Lastly, I have mentioned in the past that occasionally, I will have to take a little breath, as if I am short of breath. Yesterday was quite different. I noticed throughout the entire day, a slight change in my breathing in general, where I would take several more breaths throughout the day, like I was short of breath and my chest felt a little tight. I will keep you posted on that since it is new. My O2 saturation this morning was 96 at rest and I could only get it up to 98 with great effort. My pulse was between 74 and 80 at rest. This concerned me enough that the mini O2 tanks with the backpack that I have still and was going to return this weekend, I decided to keep just in case I might need it if things get worse. I am still exercising and did great with a 2 mile walk, however, I wanted you to be aware of this change.”

By the end of Saturday I am loathe to say that my breathing didn’t return to normal and throughout the entire day I was keenly aware of continued breathing distress. It’s minor but I’m very aware of the same sensation. I could feel fear creep in so I’m holding on to this truth.

Sunday: At 3:30 AM I woke up with the words of a children’s book in my mind that I started to compose. By 5:00 AM it was almost completed. I can’t wait to share this with my grand daughter someday! A little more sleep and we opened our eyes to THIS! 

Now that’s what I call God’s glory!! Six inches of freshly fallen snow! I could live in a place that snowed like this every day! Snow makes me as happy as sunshine!

Tuesday: Yesterday I got to visit with friends Lynn and Doug. I love that I have so many deep friendships that are rich in authenticity, spirituality, and are loving and fun! My friends are as diverse as the flowers in a field! I’m so grateful!

Last night John and I experienced a great Horned Owl in our woods. So majestic and I view even this as God showing up for me to say, “Tricia, look at this special treat I have for you to enjoy my creation!”

Today was more hiking with LillyMae in the snow and seeing the progress John’s making on our WonderVan building! 

And the miracle to report is that my breathing is mostly back to normal with only a shortness of breath happening a few times all day!!! THANK YOU GOD for answered prayers of healing. I watched The Chosen episode recently of the woman who touched the fringe of Jesus’ robe and he told her that her faith healed her. I believed that and proclaimed it in my body hoping that this was God’s plan for me once again. Here I am at my bench where I got to see beautiful Eastern Blue Birds flitting around in the pine trees!

(Not my photo but this is what we saw!)