So, now that I've had a few hours to process this news, here is how it all went down:
At lunch, Dr. Palmer called and said she wanted to go over the biopsy report with me if I had time and was in private. At that moment, I kinda figured she would be telling me something I did not want to hear.
She said that of the two biopsies, the one in my breast was cancerous. She also said that the one of the lymph node was not valid because they did not get enough tissue. This would mean another procedure and this time she would get a needle aspiration because the lymph did look abnormal with the ultrasound.
She also shared that this cancer was influenced by hormones, is the most common kind and is less aggressive. She said it's fairly small and in an early stage. She was also pretty complimentary that I found it so early and came in to have it checked. Even though this cancer is slow growing, we still need to treat it and on Thursday I will have the needle aspiration and a consultation with Dr. Palmer to discuss all our options and more details of what is happening and what to expect.
When I told her I would need to cancel my patients and needed to know how long I'd have to schedule off, she said that the surgical part alone would require 2-4 weeks off! Then she said that as we get more information, we will determine what other modalities we will need to use like antihormone pills, chemo and radiation. My HER2 results were not in yet either and that influences treatment.
I had no idea was HER2 was but later when I talked to my sister, Karen, she explained it's estrogen and progesterone receptors.
I was pretty business like and collected as Dr. Palmer talked and I told her we would just have to beat this and get done what needs to be done and I'd see her Thursday.
I hung up, walked into the lunch break room and Holly Todd and Holly Leonard were there. I could not hold back my emotions and told them I needed to share news I just received and I lost it. After my initial shock once I said it and got my first hug, I decided not to say anything to the rest of the crew right then as they were still seeing patients. Thankfully, I was able to get done a little early and decided to drive home to tell John, despite his text asking me if I had heard anything yet.
I know I cleaned 2 people's teeth, but it was truly a blur. Thankfully I've been doing this job for 30 years. It was like riding a bike and I did what I had to, but really my mind was trying like crazy to just get them out of my treatment room so I could go home. As soon as I finished, I bolted!
On my way home I called my sister, Karen, who has worked in oncology for years. Thankfully, she took my call and answered my questions and agreed to be on a FaceTime call with us on Thursday with Dr. Palmer! She filled me in on some things to ask, some possible treatments she will do and some definite reassurance that catching it early, with that kind of cancer, Invasive Ductile Carcinoma, is totally treatable and curable!
Then I pulled in to my garage. I did not tell John that I was on my way home. I just wanted to tell him in person. When I saw him, we hugged and I told him what he did not expect to hear...I had cancer! We both hugged and he held me close and told me that we'd get through this and he would be right there for me and he loved me. We hugged more and I cried more. I felt so bad that here he has only been married to me for 3 years and now he has a wife with cancer! Also, I am sick that I will be dealing with my treatment and I need to be there for Liz Pieniasek after Jordan's death. With him gone AND the Meswards moving to Colorado, I just assumed I'd be her main support, her reliable friend, her available anytime friend...not so much! I don't have the heart to tell her.
Then, since it's Tuesday, John and I coached Special Olympics floor hockey at the Lebanon YMCA, so we left and did our thing. Actually, it was good. Those are some of the most loving and healing faces I could see tonight. I'm glad I chose to go.
I did get the chance to call Lynne Albrecht, Megan Lubbers, Mel Olivera (whom I told on Friday because she came in the car with me after Jordan's unfuneral and I had to change ice packs), and finally, I called Luke. He was in Germany but told me to call him immediately once I knew anything. He was deeply upset and was very sweet. He offered to do anything I needed that he could help with.
Then after floor hockey, John took me to wherever I wanted for dinner. We went to Firebirds and got a yummy meal together. When we finished, I said that we should come back and have this same meal when all the treatment is done and I am healed!
I will have to plan how I share this with everyone as it can get to be overwhelming to call everyone to tell them. Perhaps I need to just ask folks to go to this blog and they can read all about it.
My biggest concern...my kids and Liz and Josh Lenon. Red Door has had enough tragedy and sadness of late.
Lord, help me see your hand in this. Show me my purpose in this. I am willing.
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