Day 38 D-Day #2

7 pm Just returned from Dr. Cody's appointment

I will make this brief as my son just stopped by for a little while to see how I am doing and I want to capitalize on visiting him.

In a nutshell, much to my chagrin, I will have chemotherapy.

It will start next week, and if I can get my port in this week, I am scheduled for Monday morning at 8:40 am for my first dose of chemo. I will have dense dose chemotherapy for a total of 20 weeks. I will heal for a month, then have surgery (lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy). I will heal for another month, then have radiation for 3-6 weeks. I will heal for another month, then have rotator cuff surgery and heal for 2-3 months. As it stands, God is taking my entire life in another direction for about a year. I was told I will not be working during most of this period.

These are the facts. I will give more details later, as there are many. But for now, I need to eat and visit with Jonathan before he leaves for Michigan.

How am I emotionally?  I don't really know. I will process and let you all know.

11:30 pm I tried going to sleep, but am lying in bed thinking...a lot!

To start, I guess I'm not surprised at this course of therapy, I just wished it was  different.  There are many things I could write about here and I need to just process them all, so if you want facts only, you can just read the first  part of today's entry.  If you want to hear my thought process in it all, then read on...who knows what will come out as I furiously type away and get this all out of my  mind.

My day started with a 1.5 hour drive to see Dr. Glen Aukerman. He has a book, Better Health in 120 Days, that I was required to read before seeing him. His appointment was much of a reiteration of who he is and how he got to this point of something called the WEE protocol in treating his patients. Basically, he educates people on their personal lab markers by drawing blood and testing for nutrient deficiencies. He also advises on foods that are unhealthy based on omega 6 fatty acids that cause toxicity, have latex-like proteins, and  suggests supplementation based on your personal genetics according to my blood work.

I then drove 1.5 hours to Springfield, OH to pick up my husband so that he could come to my oncology appointment with me an hour south of that. We arrived exactly at 4:40 pm. My friend, Liz, was thinking of joining me, but I never heard from her...I'm concerned and hope she is ok.

Dr. Cody is a very competent oncologist. I feel very good about him as my medical oncologist.

After much conversation, I learned that based on all my results, it will be best to start my therapy with aggressive chemotherapy called, dose dense sequencing chemotherapy. I will have a combination of Adriamycin and Cytoxan. This will be 4 doses delivered every other week for 8 weeks. These drugs are what will be the most difficult and uncomfortable to deal with. I was informed that I will lose my hair, develop mouth sores, get weak nails to where they may fall out even, and have nauseousness. This is all because the drug attacks the fast growing cells, aka, cancer cells, but also those good cells that produce hair, nails, and deal with digestion and blood development. I will also be given a new drug, Neulasta, on the day after my bi-weekly chemo cocktail that encourages white blood cell regrowth that stimulates bone marrow to produce the white blood cells, but also can cause aching and pain in my bones. Supposedly some women report that taking Claritin the day before, during and after this drug can help with the pain. I was written an rx for nauseousness already to have on hand for NEXT WEEK! Ugh. Then after those 8 weeks, I will have Taxol weekly for 12 weeks.

By this time I'm told I will be very tired, very bald, and be sick of ice! I guess that due to mouth sores, they put ice in my mouth to help reduce the sores. Sounds sexy to me! Not.

But to look on the bright side, I won't have to shave my legs for months! I can rock out any style wig I want, and will have lots of time to pray, write, hang in my hammock in my woods, and listen to great audiobooks.  On the not so bright side, I have a huge nose and so I probably won't be so cute sans hair, I may be puking or feeling like it quite a bit, won't be able to coach Special Olympics floor hockey for months, and most sadly, Dr. Cody strongly discouraged going to Jackson, WY in July and Quetico wilderness camping in September. In fact, my last chemotherapy appointment is October 31st which means my 50th birthday, which is September 29, 2016 will be on hold until 2017 so I can celebrate it feeling great!

Side note, his nurse, MaryBeth, gave me a prescription tonight for a 'cranial prosthesis'...seriously, that is the medical term for a wig! I'm told I can purchase great ones at the flea market too, as many women say it's a great place to shop for them. This is all surreal and just plain weird.

My hubby was such a trooper the whole appointment. He took my hand a few times to comfort me, but for some reason, I wasn't feeling overly sad during the appointment...I just listened and absorbed all Dr. Cody said. I even recorded the entire hour appointment so I could go back and re-listen.

He did tell me that he wants me to start as soon as I can. In fact, he wants me to start chemotherapy next Monday, which means I will need to get in to have a port surgically placed near my right collar bone this week. Thankfully, Dr. Cody said I could still travel to Rockford, IL to visit my family for Father's Day this weekend.

The nurse, MaryBeth, showed me the room where all the chemo patients get treatment. It looks like an old-fashioned salon with  chairs lined up against a glass wall except instead of ladies with their heads in those big dryer hoods, we each get out own IV pole! I will be in there for 2-3 hours each visit and will need someone to drop me off and pick me up as they don't want me driving for the first couple times.

After we walked out of the office, I felt my neck muscles tense up as my body digested this news. I felt a bit numb emotionally, like shock a little. I told John I just needed to listen to music as he drove me home so I turned on John Denver CD and zoned out a while. My daughter, Sarah Jean, called me so I answered and we talked. I realized I was telling someone for the first time as she asked me what happened. I still don't know how I should feel. I think I should cry, but I'm still a bit numb. When we arrived home, Jonathan, my son and his girlfriend, Marisa were at our house for a very short visit from Michigan. He seemed very concerned, but I tried reassuring him that I'd be ok. Then I had to call my mom. I thought I would be good telling her and I was, but I needed to wait until this moment to be strong enough to tell her. God gave me strength and I got through it just fine.

The rest of the night I simply enjoyed a nice dinner, sitting in my gazebo with family and then went to bed. Now here I am because I couldn't sleep. Tomorrow, you are   a new day and I don't have to worry about you right now. So good night and I will deal with you when it's time, but for now, it's tonight and I'm going to fall into the strong arms of my adoring husband.

Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

And my life verses...

Psalm 73:23-26New International Version (NIV)

²³ Yet I am always with you;
    you hold me by my right hand.
²⁴ You guide me with your counsel,
    and afterward you will take me into glory.
²⁵ Whom have I in heaven but you?
    And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
²⁶ My flesh and my heart may fail,
    but God is the strength of my heart
    and my portion forever.