I woke at 5 am on Friday morning praying that my pulse had normalized some how over night. Checking now… Pulse oxygen 97/97.. still too high especially at sleeping rest.
Got up to use the bathroom which is 10 steps away from my bed and it immediately went to over 100 so now what? I pray in the dark with my arms stretched out.
“Father, I’m Yours and yet I’m feeling a little afraid. I know you remind me to not be afraid, so I’m clinging on to that. Your promises are my foundation. I need You. I want You. I place my hope in You alone. With open hands I ask You to use my life for Your glory. I want my life to be made useful for someone, even if it’s one, to turn their affection, hope and life to you. I pray that someone will see Your hands working in my life and see Your goodness. You love me so fully. You gave everything for me. I’m yours…all of me. There is no one like You. No other can save me. Not my being good, not the saints or Mary, not money, power, or begging. No, there’s truly nothing that I can say or do that satisfies Your requirement to be in a right relationship with You except what You did through Your Son, Jesus. I’m not too wise, puffed up with knowledge or proud to think my own way is better than Yours. I come to You on Your terms. I believe. I trust in Jesus alone to have paid for my salvation. His death and sinlessness was all You required and my faith in that alone sealed the deal. I’m Your daughter now because of Jesus. I give You my life to do as You wish and I won’t question Your plan. So use me and abide in me so I can be an instrument that lovingly points others to You. I want all my family and all my friends to know You as their Forever Father. You’re so wonderful, awesome, powerful, gentle and fierce all wrapped up together. I want to see and be with my loves again in eternity. As You prepare me for my journey back to You, help me to remember that this is not my home. Help me to not be afraid. Help my family and friends to have the clearest eternal perspective through Your eyes and find more joy than sadness in viewing You at work in my life . May my family, children and grand children see the beauty in being mine even though our time may be shorter than we wanted. It’s my deepest desire to be with You face to face when You’re ready for me. But please Father, continue to guide me here until I am with You because now I am frail and I can’t always understand what’s happening or why. I am sad as ponder my body’s changes and because I don’t see the other side, I fall into uncertainty and doubt sometimes. Yet I choose to trust You. So I pray for today that I’ll be light and love and I’ll live on purpose for You today however You need and want me to. I’m Yours completely. Heal me in all the things! Because of Jesus, I’m Yours and I’m ok.”
John and I packed up his work van and we headed to West Virginia to attend a friend’s wedding. What an answer to prayer to be alive to attend. Pouring and praying blessings over these two as we sit at our dispersed camp site on Saturday night.
John found a perfect spot on iOverlander app. It was off a WV country road where a small river has a pier and canoe/kayak landing so we got to enjoy sitting on the pier and had a campfire in our Solo Stove fire pit while listening to owls and the crackle of burning Wonderly fire wood.
We talked about the gift of today and the plans for our future. We prayed and soaked in the night. Today I woke up and sat on the pier again to hear the morning sounds and see the dappled sun light up on the hills. We will have the next few days wandering around the mountains of West Virginia. Hopefully hiking and mountain biking, but definitely being together and thanking God for another day.
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