Long Necessary Post

We left St. Louis this morning after spending a precious evening with my former sister-in-law and dear friend, Debbie and hubby, Randy. I woke up and crawled in bed and got to cuddle up next to her since Randy had gone to work. She placed her hand on my arm and I could literally feel the love and warmth pouring from her into me and thanked God for that sweet gift. She was deeply praying for me at the moment and we both could sense the closeness of God’s Spirit among us. Then she sent me this verse after I left today saying it came up as her daily verse and prayer!! 

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:26‬ ‭

"Come Holy Spirit, fill our hearts with the words we cannot express. Guide us in our prayers and give us courage to be a witness in uncertain times. Amen"

Medically we got a call from the nurse for my oncologist, Dr. Cody and I explained to her that I’ve made a decision for my mental health to NOT know all the details of the biopsy. Since some of the biopsy test results came in late last week and because I looked at them, I realized it messed with my thinking and sent me into a negative place that I don’t want to entertain. My job is to focus on my healing. I told Dr Cody that my husband will get the details but I just need to know the treatment plan. He understood. 

The call came an hour later. All I know is that the breast cancer is triple negative vs ER PR +, HER2- like it was the first time. Because of that they’re changing the course of my treatment. I should be getting a port placed probably next week, then start chemotherapy immediately. I know I’ll have chemo once every 2 weeks then 3 weeks off for the rest of my life. I’ll be talking with The James Cancer Center tomorrow to confirm the treatment plan. That’s all I know and that’s more than I wanted to know. This is where surrender comes in! Lord I surrender my everything to You!

I asked my husband to take over the call and ask Dr Cody all the other hard questions of which I don’t want to know the answers. He is such a saint. He willingly did and now he needs your support and prayers because I’m sure there was conversation that was difficult to hear. 

I’m going to pray over every treatment and continue to eat like a champ and pray healing over my body! If anyone wants to volunteer to grow my organic wheat grass, I bought 5 lbs of seeds! I will be juicing shots of it daily! You’re willing to join me!!

I’m sure there’s so much I’ll be needing, but right now I’m thankful that so many are praying on our behalf. YOU all are my miracle, really. 

When just one person says their faith in God has grown, or they’ve never really prayed much but they are now, or they want to know how I can have my faith in God when I’m going through difficultly like this and I can point them to the Creator of the world who loves them and desires them to know Him, then this is all worth it. I wish for every person reading this to have an open heart toward God. He IS so very present. He is SO very good. He is so crazy about each and every one of you. THERE ARE NO MISTAKES! If you’re part of my journey, it’s because God is wanting to remind you of His crazy love for you. I’m only a willing vessel. 

Tomorrow many of my family members are coming in so I’ll be surrounded by the most loving people on the planet. We will CELEBRATE life because we can. I realize how very precious every minute of every day is. I rejoice that there is breath in my lungs right now. 

One epiphany I had while talking to God today was how HE the is the giver of my days and nothing and no one can change that. I’m fully trusting my days to Him, however many there are. So if you are estranged from someone today or bitter against someone who hurt you in the past, please stop right now. In your heart offer them forgiveness. Go and make the most of your day today. Seek God and never let doubt cloud the reality of His presence. Smell a flower, listen to a bird’s song, look at the beauty of His creation all around you and know He loves you.